Poll: Who usually pays ?

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zoesmama Posts: 2774
Girls A friend of mine email me there sounding off. Her in-laws are arriving this weekend (from abroad). She is 32 weeks pg and has had a difficult one. She is not working and her DH has recently got a pay cut so money is tight. her DH is suggesting mostly eating out while they are with them (5 days - they are going elsewhere for X-mas). But she is saying that will mean that she and her DH will have to pay for all the meals out something she feels they can't really afford. She is now trying to cook for them but she is really exhausted and apparently they wouldn't be into take aways etc. I don't know what to say to her. My parents and MIL are v good to us - if we all eat out (which really isn't that often) they always pay irrespective of whether it is where we live or where they live or the occasion - but maybe we are just v lucky with that. What is the norm ?
Daff Posts: 11644
I'm very lucky that my Dad would be financially secure so he pays all the time, sure I'm still a kid I can't afford things like that :o0 Would be the same with in laws but that's mainly cause we can't afford to go out and they invite us.
zoesmama Posts: 2774
[quote="daffodil mummy ":3qdxwola]I'm very lucky that my Dad would be financially secure so he pays all the time, sure I'm still a kid I can't afford things like that :o0 Would be the same with in laws but that's mainly cause we can't afford to go out and they invite us.[/quote:3qdxwola] Yeah - we would be the same. Both my folks and MIL are financially comfortable whereas right now we are not so they always pay. The issue for my friend seems to be her DH. he doesn't cook and thinks that his parents shouldn't have to do anything while staying with them. also that as they will be guests that all expenditure must be covered by my friend and her DH. he says he would be embarrassed if they pay. They would not be short on funds apparently. They don't eat Take Aways or any ethnic foods really. so the choice is really between her cooking or eating out in nice places and they paying. I don't want to tell her that my and DH's parents always pay as that will make her feel worse so just want to know what the norm is first.
Daff Posts: 11644
ah her DH needs a kick up the arse! No way would I put up with that, if he can't cook I'd be getting him to learn pretty quick!!!
stick Posts: 1229
even tho my parents are in their early 50's my dad is kinda old fashion in his ways, he still feels parents should pay for their kids. it always ends up wiht H2b 'going to the loo' and trying to pay but my dad always cops it and they do the usual arguement routine and my dad pays when we go out wit his parents they always pay too, once his dad left his wallet in his work so h2b paid but they arrived up the next day wiht the moeny, another no way we are payin it
hairdye Posts: 1129
DH and I always pay, we like to treat our parents, I suppose you could say its a pay back as they fed us for years :o0 Its not a question of who can afford it the most, it just that we like to treat them. With regards to OP, I agree with daff mummy and say that husband needs a kick up the arse! He should do the cooking while they have visitors, it would be waaaaaay cheaper and his wife can have a well deserved rest!
LuckyYear2013 Posts: 3972
Does your friend's husband not realise that they can't afford to be paying for 4 people to go our for dinner, for 5 months in a row?? And what is wrong with him that he won't cook? In our case, luckily, the parents pay whenever we're out - because they can afford it.
Cinnabon Posts: 2626
[quote="daffodil mummy ":2j6m929d]ah her DH needs a kick up the arse! No way would I put up with that, if he can't cook I'd be getting him to learn pretty quick!!![/quote:2j6m929d] +1. When babs comes along he's going to have to learn pretty smartish :) Back to the original query - it's a tough one as it will be for 5 days. I would say it should be split due to the amount of times they are going to have to go out. In our case if we go out with my mum we would always pay for her. When dad was alive and we had the extended family gatherings we all paid our own way. When MIL comes over (she lives in UK) she normally takes us out once during her visit but we end up paying half anyway ([size=85:2j6m929d]typical scot watching the pennies!!![/size:2j6m929d])
zoesmama Posts: 2774
Ok am going to do a mail back to her and say at the v least that she suggest to her DH that they split it and also not go out every night. I'm also fairly confident that once his parents get here and see her that her MIL will insist on doing some of the cooking etc. Her DH has to work 2 of the days that they are here anyway. Her DH is Italian and older than us and would be from a large quite traditional family where the women do everything domestic. As my friend is not working she has ended up doing most if not all of the housework and cooking but these last few weeks of her pregnancy have been v hard on her. her DH normally eats his main meal at work so she has not had to cook at all recently. his parents don't know how tight things are for them financially and there is a big difference between eating out every day in a little restaurant in a rural italian village and eating out every day in Dublin.
Scruff1 Posts: 3139
Parents often insist on paying no matter how much we protest!!