Pregnancy under threat - would you tell people?

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

Comet Posts: 32
We found out Tuesday last week that I was pregnant and have not told anyone (despite a big family do last weekend). However, for the 8 days or so I have a light brown blood discharge. We were referred to the early pregnancy unit for dating (I have v irregular periods and hadn't had one since April)and also because of the bleeding. Well, its not an ectopic, but we're very early - less than 5 weeks - and so only a blob could be seen! The midwives said that 60% of people bleed in early pregnancy, and two-thirds go on to have a healthy pregnancy. We were happy that the baby was not definitely gone (and my DH is ridiculously optimistic and won't countenance that there could ever be any miscarriage) but one third chance still seems pretty high. Part of me wants to tell my mum so I can talk about things with her, but the other part thinks telling her over the phone in such circumstances isn't the ideal way of announcing my first baby (we would like to tell families in person), and she would only worry anyway. We have another scan booked for 10 days time (following which I will have to tell one of my sisters as we're going on holiday and she'll definitely notice if I don't drink!) What would you do? Would you share your concerns with your mum or keep the plan not to tell until later in the pregnancy?
Momof2 Posts: 3884
Comet didn't want to read and not reply but if it were me I would tell my mum. I never got to tell my mum face to face on either pregnancy as I knew I wouldn't be able to not tell her over phone calls (we'd chat most days) so I told her at 8 wks and 4wks. I think given what you're going through I'd prefer to have the support. I know some people prefer to keep it private but I think the more people thinking of you is a great boost (if that makes sense). I wish you the very best and hope you have a positive outcome :wv
Mismatch Posts: 476
I would definitly tell my Mum. It's not like your telling everyone & who better to support you through a worrying time. Mums always know what to say to make you feel better & I think you need someone to confide in as well as your Hubby. Will cross my fingers & toes that everything goes ok for you & try to remain positive :action32 :action32
wifetob Posts: 936
Yes I agree - i would tell your mum - I'm sure she would love to be there to support you O:o)
Wife09 Posts: 873
I did tell my family, his family and I had to tell 2 close friends as I was supposed to be going abroad with them for weekend and was not allowed fly. I bleed all the way to 12 weeks and I was glad I told people and glad of their support. It made my life easier not trying to think of excuses for not going here or there or being off work and stuff. Now I get on great with DH family and am close to them. Id absolutlely tell your Mum you need the support and even consider telling closer people. The thing about Mammy and MIL is I find they completley forget pregnancy so it was good to talk to my sister who had several MC's. Best of luck though I hope all works out ok!
come dine with me Posts: 306
Oh Comet i would tell your mum.having gone through two miscarriages myself i really found talking to my mum great.husband tries his best of course and my god was so upset but i guess 'womanly feelings' or something are different and i felt it a lot easier to really tell my mum how desperately awful i felt where i was kinda stronger for husband cause he was upset, hope im making sense!Best of luck hope everything does work out for you :action32
Comet Posts: 32
Thanks all for your comments. Still a little undecided. I'm a very private person so it will really only be my mother I would tell - I wouldn't really want my in-laws to know so it might be unfair to tell one side and not the other....feeling a little better today so I might give it another day and see how I feel then. Thanks again
NewMom1 Posts: 1252
Comet I would tell my Mum and my sister just to have the support. I wouldn't tell the inlaws. I would be quite private about these things like you and for that reason wouldn't tell the inlaws. Not that they woulldn't be supportive, it's more that you're a slave to having to update them every time you see them, which means having to 'talk about the situation' while getting sympathy nods every time you see them. Keep optimistic like your DH, I really hope everything works out for you and that you have a happy 9 months ahead xxx
LeonardandPenny Posts: 2684
I'd tell your mum, its only natural that she'd be worried but i'm sure she wont let you know and will be great support. Hope all goes well for you.
CherylC Posts: 1071
I seem to be in the minority, but I was in similar circumstances and didn't tell anyone, not even my mum and I'm glad. I had two early miscarriages - just at around 5 weeks, and didn't tell anyone. I didn't want my mum or others waiting and watching until I got pregnant again. It was my business, and had DH to talk to. I am close to my mum and she lives nearby but still for some reason I felt it was not something I wanted to share. I'm pregnant again now and am 11 weeks and still haven't told her. I told my sister at 9 weeks and will tell my mum this week. I wanted to make sure all was ok before sharing, not sure why. But obviously each to their own.