Question for all wives/newly weds

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Linzi150706 Posts: 160
Hi I'm getting married in under 2 weeks, and if I had my way I would have a baby straight away, but I don't think my H2B is too keen. He wants to settle in to married life and 'see what happens.' I always said that I wanted to have my babys before I'm 30, I'm 26 now. I just want to know, did all you girls discuss with your husbands about when you were going to have a baby, or did you just leave it to chance? The reason I ask is that I've been reading some of your posts, and some of you girls seem to have it down to a structured plan of when your coming off the pill, concieving, how many you having and when!! I know it doesn't always work that way, but my H2B and I have never had that conversation. The only thing we've talked about is 'how many'. We argued about that cause I would love 3, but he wants a max of 2. I'm on the pill at the minute, and I'm afraid that if I tell him that I want to come off it that he'll freak out. I hope this makes sense, any feedback appreciated
corkrebel Posts: 744
congratulations on your up coming wedding... I am married since Oct '05 and we had discussed having a family all through our relationship so we were fairly clear on what the other wanted...I am 34 this Oct and my DH is 34 at the moment so it was a case of that we should start trying straight away as I felt that time was getting on .... I would not put a time limit on when you should have a baby...wnjoy married life for a while...you probably have been saving to get married so having time to yourselves for the 1st year would be nice before babies arrive... i really dont think that there would be a right or wrong answer to your question ...it comes down to you and your DH and when you both feel it is right for you! best of luck! O:o)
Miss Sunshine Posts: 1128
You should definitely talk it through with him before you get married. I have a friend who is 31 and her and husband never spoke about it before they got married. she is absolutely craving for a baby now and he doesn't want to 'yet'... We got married a couple of months ago and are ttc now. if you really want a babs soon best to talk it through with him. best of luck :)
woonoo Posts: 78
My DH knew from the day he met me that I wanted kids. He already is a dad but assured me he wanted more. We then discussed when we would start trying and even though he was happy to wait longer, I wasn't and so I told him I was coming off pill. We were shocked at how fast it happened and initially, he behaved like his head was in the sand and it wasn't happening. But he's thrilled now. Men, generally, will always find an excuse to put it off. All my friends report the same thing. Either it's a money issue, or they think you'll forget about them when the baba comes along. All my freind's partners were a little unimpressed at first, but once they get their head around it, they are brilliant dads and usually push mum to have another one quick! I would discuss it with him, but to be honest, I think you have to be quite adament if you want kids and let them know that. Find out what his reasons for wanting to wait are, you might be surprised
over the moon Posts: 676
Hi Linzi150706 Congrats on your up and coming wedding too. My advice to you is to enjoy the next week because it really is the most wonderful time, have a nice relaxing honeymoon and when you come back both of you sit down and talk it through. You need to listen to each other and come to a happy medium. I got married in May '05 age 27 and DH was 30 and we both wanted kids but also wanted to wait a while so we agreed on waiting a year. As it happens we actually started trying in Feb this year and I found out I was pregnant the week of our 1st wedding anniversary ( what a lovely anniversary present). Anyway what I'm trying to say is you both have to be open and honest with each other and on the same wave length. Remember it is a HUGE decision and when it happens your life and priorities change forever. Best of luck to you both and enjoy your wedding day. [url=http://www.snugglepie.com:iuv9ycs2][img:iuv9ycs2]http://www.snugglepie.com/ezb/556317.png[/img:iuv9ycs2][/url:iuv9ycs2]
mama sugar Posts: 1387
Hi Linzi150706, Dont stress over this thing i would enjoy the wedding and not worry about babies just yet you know he wants kids thats the main thing enjoy the wedding and when you are on honeymoon alone together just have a chat bring it up as a joke saying you are really broody that is what I said and we agreed to come off the pill when we got home sometimes lets sit down and have a chat... might scare him off but if you approach it as a joke and see his reaction and then ask him it breaks the ice and then you can both be relaxed about the conversation, have a few glasses of wine and a nice chat x
woonoo Posts: 78
I'd agree with the others, men can't cope with kids and a wedding together, so have an absolutely amazing wedding day and chat to him about it when you have time together on honeymoon. Best of luck!
mila Posts: 698
Definitely bring it up - it's good to get all of these things out in the open so that you can see what each of your priorities are, and agree to compromise if necessary. We had always talked about kids from the time we got engaged, but we both also wanted a couple of years alone after marriage. The idea was to wait for at least two years before trying for our first - which means we start this September! :D I think we're both a bit impatient to get going at this stage - we've really lived a fantastic lifestyle for the last couple of years, and we're both really ready for our new (and equally fantastic, hopefully!) lifestyle. In fact we'd probably be trying already, but I wanted to give myself a couple of extra months on the folic acid and to cut back on alcohol, eat the best food I can, get as fit as possible, etc.
bride may Posts: 435
We talked about it before we got married and said we would like to wait 6 months before we tried just allowing us a bit of time to settle into marriage. We were married 2 months yesterday and I am 5 weeks pregnant!! not exactly planned but were both happy. I wasn't on the pill though came of it over a year ago as I was very grumpy on it, and when you get married you become more laid back with precaution because its the old "sure were married now no one can say anything". You really need to talk to your hsb and explain how you feel and see if you can both come to an agreement that you are both happy with.
Sassy Posts: 2269
I would agree with what everyone else said.You should just enjoy your day and then you really need to sit down and have a chat with your hb. We got married sep05 and had previously talked about having children, but decided to wait a year so that we could have some time where we were not saving. We have since then decided to now ttc, but husband is ok with it and cant wait until i get a positive result.