Rant about Sister in Law To Be

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Mrs P_tobe Posts: 66
Hi, Does anybody have any problems with their sister in law's to be? She is really nice to be but sometimes I get a really really bad vibe off her, she's snigger over little things that I say, and really try and embarrass me and make me look silly in front of people with things i come out with. Ok I'm not the brightest tool in the box but she really makes me feel stupid. It's not directly her being horrible to me but I just get a really bad vibe from her and we don't gel at all. If we're out she won't really speak to me she'll be with all the boys and do the things with the boys. Or if there are other girls around she'll speak to them and leave me out of the conversation. It's funny cos writing this out it sounds really childish, she's 34 and I'm 28 but honestly that's what it's like! I was pouring water out the other day at teh table when we went out for something to eat with her and her boyfriend and i asked her boyfriend first if he watned any water and she said "Oh it's ok i don't want any water, don't ask me" - i was actaully about to ask her after i had asked her boyfriend but she didn't give me a chance. She's really trying her best to stress me out too about the wedding, she told me that at the wedding she was going to come in fancy dress because it will be funny ad that she is going to push everybody in the pool. I started stressing about it to H2B as i don't want my big day being spoilt. I know that she would do it too. She does little pathetic things which she thinks is really funny like putting things in my pockets and lots of salt in my bag when i'm not looking. Things which she finds really funny but i find very irritating and tiresome. i honestly sometimes feel like i'm being bullied, she is very very clever about it though. My H2B thinks that i just can't take a joke and that i overreact about stuff and look too far into them but i think it's just a girls gut feeling that i get about her. She seems strange. I know before I came along my H2B used to take her places like New York for her birthday but obviously now that doesn't happen as we go everywhere together so maybe she's put out about that? She has alwasys said she would never get married and have children but since we've been engaged she keeps talking about marrying her boyfriend, i find this strange as she was so dead against it a few months ago. Anybody else had problems with teh sister in law to be?? I really don't get her. xxx
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
She sounds like an utter tool. I'd love to say play her at her own game but that would be descending to her level. Why don't you take her aside quietly some day and without going into specifics ask her if everything is ok, cos you've been getting a strange vibe from her. Shame her into realising what an idiot she has been for treating you like that.
Mrs P_tobe Posts: 66
Thanks hon. I do find it strange and over the past 3 years I've had to keep quiet about it. H2B doesn't see it at all so no point talking to him about it he just ignore me and thinks i'm being silly. I know i'm not though. I remember me and H2B had an arguement once when we were first together and we had booked to go to Egypt, she called me up and asked me for the tickets? i was a bit like "what's it got to do with you?" but i was very dignified and said to her that i would sort it out with H2B and not her. I don't think she likes me being with her bro. I try sooo hard to rise above it and just ignore her but i'm finding myself more and more reserved around her and i can't be myself. I'm worried that at the wedding she will make me feel like it too and then i won't be able to be myself because she will be around and i'd hate that. I'm very different in front of her now and she's made me like that as i'm scared about saying something wrong in case she makes me look silly. I'm only a quiet person and keep myself to myself but around my real friends i'm just myself but I don't feel like i am when she's around now. i used to work with a lady when i was younger and she defo used to bully me really badly and I feel like I used to when i worked there with her. xxxxx
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
I know how you feel, especially in terms of changing how you are around her. My FMIL is an incredibly domineering person but only became like that with me when she realised that my relationship with H2B was getting serious. I used to get on really well with her when she thought it was just a fling and then she changed completely. I let her away with it for years but then there came a point when I just thought "F this" and H2B and I sat her down and sorted it out. I know you've said your H2B thinks you are "too sensitive" or "can't take a joke" but maybe the time has come to sit him down too and make him realise how she is making you feel. You need his support to deal with this, more so now as you are planning your wedding. Is she your H2Bs younger sister? Its more than likely a massive jealousy issue, which I have had to go through not only with FMIL but with H2Bs daughter too. Believe me, getting H2B to recognise the problem exists is the biggest obstacle. If you can do that you're more than halfway to getting it solved!
moobear Posts: 1126
She sounds like she is off the walls altogher!! I really feel for you. I know that you will have to spend some time with her at the wedding but once the formailties are over you can spend the remainder of the time with your friends. Remember that your friends will stick up for you if she starts at your wedding. Have them well informed in advance so that they know the story Jealousy is an awful illness
Mrs P_tobe Posts: 66
Thanks girls xx I just feel like a MUG sometimes for letting her get away with it and I get angry with myself cos I wouldn't normally let anybody do this to me but cos it's H2B's sister i know i have to deal with it. I want to sit H2B down and tell him but every time i say he just thinks it's all in my head and says stop being silly - he always says that's just what she's like with everybody, I know it's not though. I don't thnk H2B will see my point of view so I've given up trying. I don't want it to cause an argument or build a bridge between anybody. I try and avoid her lots now. When we are supposed to go out for dinner and stuff I just do it now and then and am very quiet, even H2B asks me all night if i'm ok cos i'm quiet but i can't help it i'm afraid of opening my mouth in case i say something wrong! We have nothing in common at all. I'm very girly and she's into guns and bloky stuff. So that doesn't help as the conversation is always really hard with her. I try my best but patience is wearing thin! I'm jealuos that you got to sit your H2B and FMIL down, that would never even be an option as H2B is so protective over his family he would never want to upset them he'd rather i just suffer in silence! xxxx
Mrs P_tobe Posts: 66
oh BTW it's H2B's older sister xx
StupidSexyFlanders Posts: 8402
Yeah feeling like a mug is awful, particularly when you feel that way because YOU didn't do something rather than because SHE did! Its such a shame you don't think H2B will get on board. I wouldn't give up on that idea completely though. Maybe the next time the two of your are having an especially good time or are particularly happy in one another's company bring it up then, it might seem less like the dreaded "nagging" if he knows you're in a good mood at the time. This is the tactic I always employ with H2B if I have something to get off my chest! He has to come to know that its genuinely bothering you. One of my pet hates is someone telling you you are too sensitive etc. If something bothers you it bothers you.
Mrs P_tobe Posts: 66
Thanks v excited2be! I will defo approach it again. xx Where are you getting married?? xx
mandibee Posts: 305
[quote="v excited b2b":13vbkvye]She sounds like an utter tool. I'd love to say play her at her own game but that would be descending to her level. Why don't you take her aside quietly some day and without going into specifics ask her if everything is ok, cos you've been getting a strange vibe from her. Shame her into realising what an idiot she has been for treating you like that.[/quote:13vbkvye] I think thats a really good idea!!!! From the sounds of things shes just one word... JEALOUS!!!!!!! I think she is a huge bully and likes to stand on other peoples shoulders to make herself look good. I think your H2B needs to have a word with her hun xx