Scared of death.

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totalsadness123 Posts: 1
I have wanted to write this topic for such a long time now but everytime I go to write it I feel so stupid. I have had to go anon aswell as some people know me on here. I am nearly 30 years of age and I got married nearly two years ago and I am so happy. I have a job and I earn ok money, so again I am very lucky in that too. I have both of my Parents who I love so much and I have great friends. Since the time I grew up I always worried about my Parents dying and I used to have an awful problem with it as I grew up and we never really understood why. I was always terrified of death. Then as I got older and life went on I lost my Grandparents and I lost a cousin and a friend through death. My scared feelings of death are never ALWAYS at the front of my mind but sometimes they can be there and make me feel so sad at times.My husbands mum died last year and it brought the fear back into my life about death and how scared I am about it. I know I sound absolutely pathetic. A grown woman of my age but it eats me up inside and I am so terrified of losing my Parents. I cant say it to anyone because I feel so stupid. It was ok when I was a young girl, I could say it to my Mum no problem and she would tell me she would be here everyday. I cant say those things anymore about being scared. It'd be pathetic. My Parents are both in good health but I can see them get old and it gives me this sad lump in my throat. This scaredness that is the loneliest feeling in the world (and like I said, I KNOW I sound stupid, so please don't tell me to cop on because that is life). At New Years eve as we toasted in the New Year i had that horrible feeling enter my head, as it does many times throughout my year. "I hope to God my Parents will be with me to see the next year". My husband doesn't think like me. He is so sensible and understands how life works - you live, you get old, you die. Part of life. But I can't accept it. I get so upset thinking about it. And even sadder talking about it. I know it's inevitable. It will happen. But it breaks me up inside thinking, worrying, wondering about it all. Does anybody else out there like me exist or am I just the saddest, stupidest person who cannot accept life for what it exactly is? Thank you for listening to my long message.
FlexyDee Posts: 4904
I use to be like that years ago too, I will admit. To the point of crying my eyes out over it. But your hubby is right - you live, you die. It is a scary thought but such is life.. O:o) Nowadays, I'm just grateful that my parents are here on a daily basis and thank god for everything O:o) You need to stop thinking like that or it will eat you up inside :action32 :action32 I remember when I had my accident years ago, my life flashed before my eyes and when I survived it - I stopped thinking like that and really started to enjoy life so much more! :o)ll Hope that you are okay :action32
mrsodo Posts: 1292
Hi there scared to death, firstly you're not alone, and nothing you said sounds stupid or ridiculous or anthing like that. I worry every time I get in the car that I might die, I use to worry every day that my DP wouldn't come home from work (I use to save his voice mails in case he died and I needed to hear his voice one more time), and now, I have a young daughter and there isn't a day goes by that I'm not worrying about something happening to her. I have an angel care monitor for her, so it will alarm if there isn't any movement in her cot - I wouldn't sleep if I didn't have it. I haven't yet spent a night away from her as I don't trust anyone else to look after her properly (bar DP) and I would definitely not trust anyone else to drive her anywhere. i wish I didn't worry about these things, especially as I believe we attract the things we focus on, and that makes me worry more. I'm thinking now that I'm not really helping you and actually our worries aren't even the same, I worry for myself and my DP and daugher, you worry about your parents. If its something that is taking over your life, then I would suggest talking to someone like a counsellor. I understand that lonliness you feel, but sometimes when you talk about the thing that's consuming your thoughts, it can make things easier. Hopefully even writing on this forum has helped you to release some of the pent up feelings you're harbouring. I'm sorry that you're in such a bad place, I hope things get easier for you. :action32
Goldi Posts: 85
Hi I dont think its stupid at all. Im in my thirties happily married and have beautiful DS. only last few years from time to time i think of death of parents or loved one. Even thinking about death of my mam and dad has had me in tears before even though they are both fit and healthy. Some times I wonder if im in my 60 or 70s will i constantly think about it. But then Im the kind of person who mulls over and thinks about things a lot. Sorry Im no help really.
pixiebell Posts: 739
i think everyone feels like that at some stage.. i worry bout everything too esp when dh goes on stags and drinking weekends with the boys but you have to try and get on with it! i always thought my parents would live until they were old and id be old enough to understand their death but unfortunatly my dad died last year only 59. it broke my heart but since then i havent been so afraid of death. i miss him so so much word cant describe it and i would give anything to have him back here. he understands me more than anyone, but when i think of death i think ill be with him again. its definitely not easy when they die but its what helps me some times to get through.
Cinnabon Posts: 2626
I think it is normal to be scared of ones mortality. It really does hit home as you see your parents getting older and slower. I had grandparents, relatives & friends die from old age, illness & suicide. Of all 3 of those categories the suicide is by far the worst one to deal with. When my own father got sick naturally I didn't want him to die but as time went on you learn to deal with it - as in at the next appointment is it going to be good or bad news. In the end he went downhill very quickly - I had a perfectly normal conversation with him one day and literally within 24hrs he hardly knew who I was. He was in his early 60's and initially when he got sick he did say he was scared of dying but as time went on he got less and less scared of it - not sure why but I think he was fed up of the pain and constant worry. There are only 2 things in life that are certain - death and taxes and it is very true. It may not be any harm to see a counsellor as has been suggested if it is eating you up so much.
Kaycee Posts: 2107
i never used to be scared of death in fact its not something that crossed my mind. and then i remember first being overwhelmingly in love with himself and everything going perfect for the first time in my life and being the natural worrier I am, being very scared of death. even tonight, years later, he was going out and I ask him to text me to say hes got to his destination even though we live in town and he was walking a more or less pedestrian route so i still act a bit unreasonable! car crashes really depress me and I hate flying (although i do just feel this is a horrible way to go and its more a fear of the fear before you plummet) :-8 a councellor might help but I'd also recommend, if you're open to it, learning to do some meditation or reiki. It might also help to explore something like the Tibetan Book of the Dead which might bring you some comfort. not the actual one but if you look for a translation ... 0553370901 for example. or even something like the Dali Lama's Art of Happiness which will help you with more than your fear of death. I'm not a buddhist or anything (but think they could be onto something!) and personally believe that death is not the end so not sure if the above will help but if you're open to it, they'll definitely help you cope and deal with your fears a bit better.
happymum2b Posts: 186
You poor thing. I'd definately recommend seeing a counsellor. I've had quite bad fears which magnifie after having my DS. Totally took over and interfered with my life. The only thing that helped was seeing a therapist and talking it out and seeing where the fear comes from. I was advised that fears are fears. They're fine as long as they are not interfering with your everyday life. When they interfere then they are a problem and to get help for them. I hope you are ok :action32