Seperation Anxiety - Toddler

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mummytime Posts: 3149
Lately DS1 has being saying he misses me and he is sad. This usually coincides with bed-time so I think he is sometimes trying to delay going to bed! I work full time and have started going to the gym on a regular basis. I go on Monday eve at 7.45 so DS2 is in bed and Dh reads DS1 his stories. I also go on Wednesday after work so I am home by 7.30 and get to put both boys to bed. At the weekends, I either go to the Gym on Saturday when the boys are napping or Sunday morning from 10am-11am. I am home every other evening after work and spend all weekends with them. My mum is of the opinion that this gym business is nonsense and I should be focusing on the boys which of course makes me feel guilty. I was pregnant/breastfeeding for 3 years without a break so am enjoying being active again and feel better for it however I feel sick with guilt a lot of time whilst I am at the gym. The funny thing is I used to work late a lot in my previous job and never felt guilty about that ( just pissed off) although it impacted a lot more on my time with DS1 however he was younger I suppose. DS1 is fine going to crèche in the mornings so I know he is happy there. I guess he’s just getting older and realises that we are apart a lot. He loves the weekends and being home together which is natural. We were at home with my parents for a few days and he had a fab time and since then he has been saying he misses his nanny and grandad and my sister. He is very close to them all but have never said he misses them before. This weekend I have a hair appointment on Saturday morning to get my highlights done which will take a couple of hours and then I have my gym class on Sunday morning and am worried that DS1 will be upset that I am not at home with him. A good friend of mine is having her hen this weekend but I declined to go as I didn’t want to be away from the boys all week and then all weekend. I feel guilty about that too and she wanted me to be there Dh has had to work a few weekends lately however that does not seem to bother him at all. I guess he got used to me being around more during my last maternity leave. I really look forward to going to the gym but the guillt is gnawing away at me. I’ve never really felt guilty about anything to do with the kids before and it’s not a nice feeling.
pigeonwife Posts: 3789
Try try try not to feel guilty - it really is such a pointless emotion as no-one gains from it and you lose so much. You deserve some time to yourself and if going to the gym makes you feel good your kids are going to benefit from a happier mummy. I think your DS is just at the stage now where he is able to verbalise his emotions better and I'm sure it does tug at your heart strings. I would kiss and cuddle him and say you miss him too but point out the fun he has when you're not around (at creche/with his Dad, etc) and what fun you will have together at the weekend, etc. Also you say he's happy at creche and presumable he gets on fine with his Dad the nights you're at the gym. It's good for them to have that time together too so rather than looking at the time you're at the gym, etc as time you're taking away from your kids look at it as time you are giving to them and your DH to spend together.
wedjul05 Posts: 5673
I hear ye mummytime. I feel like DS sees me leaving him and DH minding him. He doesn't say anything to me but has started saying 'mammy go to work in 2 minutes' when I am heading out the door for work. I leave at 7am to go to work and then I, like you, head to the gym after the kids go to bed. They are usually both in bed and then I leg it out the door to head to the gym. But with the brighter evenings, DS has been up and sees me leaving AGAIN! I hate it. This happened on monday night, due to go to the gym tonight too. I think though that you should keep doing what you are doing. I think they are discovering new words, emotions all the time and use these to express themselves. DS is forever saying he has a sore back and knees as I hurt mine! He throws these out at around bedtime usually! Maybe when you have reached your target weight, cut back on the gym a small bit. THis is what I plan to do. I still want to keep fit etc but won't be as fanatical about it. You need time to yourself, you havent' had much the past few years. DS1 won't rem you not being there to put him to bed the odd night. I'm sure he would rather have a slim, happy mammy than a grumpy, slightly overweight one! :o0 You're doing a great job missus, it ain't easy fitting in working full time, kids and then SOME time to ourselves to look after our health and wellbeing :wv