So hurt & upset.... :(

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SenoritaH Posts: 167
Morning everyone.... had a horrible weekend... Our wedding is in less than 3 months away and I got a text from my bridesmaid (She is my closest cousin and as I am an only child she was like a little sister to me we grew up together as we lived up the road from each other) Her mam & my mam are sisters, but every since my mam passed away last year they have all distance themselves from me...why, I dont know??? But anyhow I asked her to be one of my bridemaids and on Monday I recieved a txt from her saying that I don't want to go to your hen night (which is in 2weeks) as I won't feel comfortable! :eek Just to paint the picture I am heading down the country for 2 nights just to get away with my close friends and chill. There will be in total 5 of us including my cousin if she went! She has been going on about not knowing anyone... She knows me and one of my best friends! I think that is a silly excuse to be honest! >:o( If it was me I would suck it up and go to please my cousin afterall its her wedding not mine! Now not to sound like a B**** but does the job of a bridesmaid not intail more than just turning up on the day of my wedding????? Like she hasn't done anything for me (not that I want her to) she doesn't text/ring me as she NEVER has any credit, never calls to me or out to my house but would love her to be there for me as she's really all the family I have in terms of cousins and that. I hope this post is making sense?.... :o( :o( :o( What would ye do???..............x
excitednerjabride Posts: 869
Id pop into her for a chat and ask her what is wrong, did you do something to offend her etc. least you'd confronting the problem and might get it sorted. The last thing you want in the run up to the wedding as your mind is consumed with wedding things is to be worrying about her...Ye bridesmaids should be doing more than just turning up to the wedding IMO, organising hen and helping you with bits and bobs.....dont worry, itll get sorted
SenoritaH Posts: 167
Thanks for your reply... but she's only gone 19 and has being seen her boyfriend for nearly a year...I get the feeling that he might have something to do with it. She doesn't see her friends anymore, basically has lost them all as she is so consumed in him.... I just text her back and said that I was upset about it and if she doesn't want to go that's fine. but am really disppointed. :o( Will I ask her does she feel a bit underpressure being a bridesmaid (even tho she hasn't had to do anything) and maybe leave her be and not be a bridesmaid?
Thumper2010 Posts: 579
If she's only 19 maybe she doesn't have the money for it. Also at 19 she may be more self conscious and nervous with people she doesn't know. Also, at her age, she wouldn't have a clue that you expect her to do more than turn up on the day. I remember being bridesmaid at the age of 16 and I know I didn't do anything for the bride. I wouldn't have had a clue I was supposed to to be honest. :-8 I'd cut her a little slack.
SenoritaH Posts: 167
Yea thats true thumper... it's just friends & family are saying different things to me. To be honest I don't want to cause a tiff over it but everyone is telling me otherwise IYKWIM. The hen weekend is free as we are staying in my friends holiday home so she would need what ever she wants to spend for the night out....
Bluelagoon Posts: 650
I'm in my 30's and still would feel too embarrassed to go away with my cousin and her mates especially as it's such a small group and she couldn't just blend in the background so I wouldn't get too upset about it. Also I think it's mainly the MOH's job to do the running around, it's nice if other BM's help but sometimes they really don't realise they are supposed to and being a BM nowadays is not as big a deal as it used to be. It's funny as only 2 of 5 of my mates actually likes being a BM the rest of us have avoided it like the plague.
carof Posts: 171
yeah 19 is very young.. i know i wouldn't have had any clue what to do at that age. i'd cut her some slack. She might be too shy going away for a weekend with people, especially if they are older. She might be worried about not getting into nightclubs due to her age. or not having a clue what to say to people. have a chat with her and see were she is at in her head.
BusyDee Posts: 8527
Whatever about not knowing what to do coz she's 19 (in fairness she's an adult not 9!!) I think it wouldnt kill her to go - there's only 4 others - I would understand if there was a larger crowd where she might get "lost" but its only 4 other people im sure its not like you wont include her in things etc. You could be on to something about the boyfriend!!
bee2579 Posts: 146
Hi Summer Bride I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My older sister of which there is 2 years between us and we grew up in each others pockets was the obvious choice for bridesmaid when I got engaged. However she was always busy for dress shopping etc. It was very subtle all along but the week before the hen she announced she wouldnt be going to the hen and she didnt see why she was expected to go to the hen because she wasn't working! I was devastated!!! Shes my sister for gods sake!! I offered her money etc but she just didn't want to go...... She didnt even bother to buy clothes for the wedding I gave her a dress and a shrug I bought her a head piece and jewelery. I was angry/upset/hurt etc. I suppose sometimes we expect too much from people and they just aren't able to follow through on these things fro their own reasons be it jealousy or their own insecurities. What I will say to you is that your hen night and wedding are going to go ahead. so surround yourself with people that are happy for you and are going to be helpful and supportive. Thats what I did. Also I had a chat with my sister and asked her to step down from being bridesmaid because it was only going to end up in rows and it would have ruined our relationship in the long run. Have a chat with your cousin and see where she is at. Best of luck and enjoy your Hen night :wv
SenoritaH Posts: 167
Thank you DCee & bee2579...finally I am not the only one! I even told her that were sharing the room together and that if she felt more comfortable she can bring a friend on the weekend... but NO! She turns around and tells me that she wouldn't dare bring them and that she doesn't talk to them anymore... I feel very sad for her at the same time cos friends are very important in your life and you can't ditch them for a fella! She won't listen tho... bee2579 should I ask her if she rather not be my bridesmaid?...