Some advice / help needed re: 9 mth old in Childminders

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scrunch Posts: 450
Hi Need some guidance !! Am a first time Mum and have 9 month old brilliant little baba. I went back to work 2 weeks ago and my little man started with his childminder. He's with her 3 days a week at the mo for 10 hours a day. Before I went back to work he was in a routine of 3 naps a day at 11, 2 and 5 for 40 mins approx each. He would sleep in the sitting room on his special cushions. He went to bed at 8pm after his tea / bath / bottle / story and would settle to sleep as soon as we put him in the cot. He was a happy baby who was forever smiling so much that everyone that met him called him smiler :) At the childminder's she decided to start as she meant to go on and started to put him in to the cot for his naps. He didn't like it one bit. He's been there 2 weeks now and she still trys to get him to nap in the cot and the consequences of that are as follows: He now sleeps for no more than 50 mins all day during the 10 hours he's there, he falls asleep in the car when I collect him on the 2 min car journey home. He sleeps from 6pm until after 7pm cos he is so wallfallen with tiredness. I continue his normal routine from that time of tea / play /bath /bottle / story / bed. He now bawls when we put him into the cot. The night before last this went on for an hour. Last night because he was home with Daddy all day, he settled after 5 mins. He's crankier, clingy for the first time ever and generally not as happy.He never cried when we put him to bed and it's happened every night for the last 2 weeks now. I'm getting upset about this now and am starting to stress, which is the last thing I need as I am 3 months pregnant and am also high risk. Before some mum's point out the obvious and give out to me, I know I should have put the little man into his cot for his naps from the start but that just didn't work for us. So, I don't know what to do. I'm not 100% sure about the childminder yet, as on a few days that I have picked him up he has been hoarse and when I've asked her she's said she didn't notice. I'd hate to think it's from crying.... How long does it take for a baby to settle and should she being doing more to facilitate his needs rather than her own ?
tinyfeet Posts: 3482
Hi Scrunch, sorry to hear about your situation... Have you asked the child minder why she puts him in his cot rather than on his cushions like what he is used too? She obviously has her reasons, maybe she has things to do when he's sleep and feels she'll be tip toeing around him if he's asleep in the sitting room or wherever. Is there any chance he would sleep in his buggy? That way she could maybe put his buggy in his room & he could nap there. Seems like now he is associating his cot with his nap times & getting upset which he wouldnt have done before because the cot was only for his bedtime. It's a tricky one & I dont really have any advice as such. Just to let you know I kind of know how you're feeling. My mother & MIL both mind DS who is now 2 & it took my Mom a year to realize that DS naps in his buggy & in his buggy only! She used to put him in his cot & he wouldnt sleep, she used to put him on the couch with a blankie & he wouldnt sleep. Now eventually she has finally got it & she puts him in the buggy & he nods off straight away! Good luck with whatever you do, hope it works out for you. You dont need any stress especially being pregnant :wv
scrunch Posts: 450
Thanks for replying Tinyfeet. I should have said that she minds him in her own house. Last week she took him out for a walk one day and he slept but she hasn't done that since as she's had other kids with her in the mornings.... It's killing me he's so unsettlesd, hate hearing him so haorse and looking so sad :o( :o(
Anne Cordelia Shirley Posts: 4731
Scrunch, did you discuss all this before you left your child in with the minder? I used to mind kids and I'd always ask the parents what their preferences were for naps, food etc. I wouldn't impose my own "rules" too much, obviously when I had three in the house there were boundaries and I didn't have any kids under three with me but if mum told me their child had to be put down for a nap in a bed or buggy, that's what I did. I get she might have other stuff to do during nap time, but that shouldn't affect how your child is cared for. I mean, if you had a preference for one brand of nappies or a particular yoghurt I'm sure she'd respect that or I'd expect her to! I think children need routine and consistency and he's not getting that if in one place he sleeps one way but isn't allowed to sleep that way in the minders. I'd talk to her and outline what you wrote, that he's too tired coming home and stress that you know she'll understand why your child needs to sleep a certain way.
Happymammy2010 Posts: 837
Scrunch Im sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it. Like the others say did you discuss your preferences for sleeping and feeding etc? You should beat yourself up over your choices as you say it doesnt work for you to have your lo go up to his cot to nap so you dont do it you shouldnt have to justify this to anyone. My DD is with a childminder and I tell her what way things are done not the other way round, at the end of the day she is minding my child and I am paying her to do so, therefore she needs to respect my wishes and everybody knows mammy knows best. You really need to speak up and tell the CM that your DS is upset and finding it hard to settle and that you feel its because of x,y&z and she will need to change it back to what you do at home and to be honest if she is put out or simply wont change then you need to find a new minder. I hope you are ok, you dont need this stress especially as you are pregnant.
babyblaBBer Posts: 2448
i'm guessing the reason she wants him to nap in the cot is so he is away and safe from the other children. when DS started in creche, although he was used to sleeping in his cot he wasn't used to a room with loads of other cots and babies and there were days when he only slept 10 mins the whole day. it took a while but he got used to it and was well able to adapt to the routine there which was different to our routine at home. it's very very hard for mums when your LO starts childcare and it's never going to go 100% smoothly. DS also got very clingy at home so we just lavished him with attention and made him feel loved and secure and he was fine. i'd sit down with her and ask her honestly how is he during the day, does he cry a lot (apart from nap times), at nap time if he's upset does she leave him to cry or how dos she handle it? naps in the buggy might work for a while but he'll get too big for that so if it was me i'd prefer him to get used to sleeping in a cot sooner rather than later.
scrunch Posts: 450
Thanks for the replies girls !! Yes I outlined to her his routine and preferences in detail. She still persisted with the cot for naps. This morning I told her about how difficult it was to settle him the last few nights and that he seems to be scared to get into his cot now. So I text her mid morning to see how he was as he cried when I left this morniong and she said that he wouldn't let her put him down and he was being cranky so she decided to put on a dvd and put him in the bouncer and let him watch that and drift off to sleep. I got a text a couple of hours later saying that he had slept for 1hr20mins. So i replied great, that's more like him, the bouncer is the way forward now for naps. Am going to check again in a while and see if he took an afternoon nap. As some of you said I really feel she needs to be accommodating our needs rather than the other way round. I do accept that she needs to have structure etc but the other kids she minds are older than him and naps etc are not as important to them. I hope he's ok this evening cos (sorry if it's selfish) I'm knackered !!!!
scrunch Posts: 450
Poppyseed, part of me is feeling that way but then am bein``g advised that it would be too quick to change him to a different childminders yet and that it might upset him too much ... This is week 3 so I will see how he gets on for the next 3 days and if I feel he is unhappy I will change him. He's been with us the last 4 days and there hasn't been a problem.
toureg Posts: 392
On a totally different topic, do you mind me asking how much per week you pay for your childminding?. When i go back to work i will be looking for someone for hours like yours and am totally clueless how much it might cost me! Thanks
scrunch Posts: 450
We pay €5 per hour it usually costs €45-€50 per day. It worked out pretty much the same as the cost of a creche but I wanted him to get some home form home personal care. My advice would be make sure you have a decent period of settling in time before you go back to work.