Sometimes I feel like I'm on my own

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Jeidi Posts: 3128
girls this is gonna be a long rang (with a few tears) so bear with me. I'm having a tough day today and I my eyes are full of tears just ready to flow. Now dont get me wrong I have the best hubby ever, we're almost married a year, together almost 11 years. He's one of lifes good guys, but God love him he couldn't pay a bill to save his life. We're currently trying to remortgage.... He is in debt to the tune of about 40k. He earns really good money, but at the end of every week he literally has €50 left after paying his bills. Now he does give me half the mortgage, but things like food, ESB, heating oil, phone bill, petrol, tax, insurance, even pet insurance etc are all left to me. Saving for the baby is left to me. I earn really good money too, and we built a fab house 3 years ago and everyone (especially hes family) are under the impression that we're loaded. I dont get maternity pay from work so thats gonna be a big difficulty for us, just copped earlier that my health insurance wont cover my birth as I wont have it long enough, I'm left with next to nothing at the end of every month due to paying for everything, DH works a lot of late nights and comes home absolutely wrecked which leaves me to make dinners, and feed and look after all the dogs and cats. Just got word the first bank refused our remortgage app due to something dodgy on hubbys credit history that happened with a car loan before he ever met me. As I said he's the best, and he's fully aware of the strain we're under and he's so trying his best to sort it but thats no help to me. I save about 1k a month....with absolutely no contribution from him - and I have to do that simply because of the babs! Its even killing me to pay for parking every day in work. We cant get a mortgage break because we took that last year to save towards the wedding - which of course i came up with all the rest. Its just overwhelming me now and I need a good aul bawl.
tropical Posts: 247
Hi Jeidi, I really feel for you right now, but firstly i think you need a huge pat on the back for being able to save 1k a month, i am no where near a quarter of that a month. :action32 Could you sit down with dh and just ask him for a little more support
Jeidi Posts: 3128
In fairness to him he's the best, he really minds me and is so excited about this baby, he's just stuck in a rut money wise. He's not a bit mean either, he'd give you his last penny. It justs wrecks my head when I have to listen to my in laws going on about how hard he works (which he does but so do flippin I) and he should find another job (yeah coz theres loads out there now), and how he'll work himself into an early grave bla bla bla like I'm making him do it. If I won the lotto all my problems would be solved!!
Grunge Bride Posts: 2529
Jeidi, I feel for you, you sound like it's all getting on top of you. If your hubby earns really good money, how can he have only 50 euro left at the end of the week after he pays his bills? Does he have a lot of loans / credit card debt / what are the bills? Is he leaving things too long to pay and incurring extra charges as a result? (I'm a qualified financial advisor so I have to ask these questions!) It sounds like if his money is good then the bills are the things you have to tackle. If he has overdue loans, credit card etc and is paying high rates of interest, the first thing you should do is clear that debt - you'll save more between you by doing that than you would gain as deposit interest on the 1K you're saving every month. So (if you trust him!) advancing him money to clear his debts and having him pay you back instead of paying back his loans /interest until you recoup the money might be a better option. If you have any more info you can give us maybe we can help. If not, sit down and look at all your outgoings and see what you can figure out. There may be better ways to organise your spending and saving than you are at the moment.......
Nicey Posts: 200
Hi, Sorry to hear that you're feeling a bit blue :o( It sounds like you really need to sit down together and do a budget. Myself and DH do one every year/year and a half (probably due to do one shortly actually) and it really helps to see where it's all going. I think sometimes men just don't see things that are staring them in the face, not out of badness, but they just don't seem to worry like we women do! If your DH saw in black and white the stuff you are paying for on a monthly basis, maybe he would realise that he needs to be more organised with his money. Hope it all works out for you :thnk
steen Posts: 1335
Jeidi, I don't have any answers for you - just wanted to give you a hug :action32 The only option I could think off was to take all his money every week and give him an allowance and just chunk that off the debt.
October_2007 Posts: 937
Could your hubby go to the credit union and take out a personal loan to clear his debts?
Pumpernickle Posts: 206
Good God woman you deserve a medal :eek for all you're looking after by yourself. Have a good ball if thats how you feel but then give youself a huge pat on the back.... a friend of mine had several loans (personal loans, car loans etc) and I recommended our mortgage broker to her and he helped them to consolidate all their loans and their mortgage into one monthly payment. Worked out very well and they acutally ended up with alot more spare cash every month... Hope you feel better soon :wv
Grunge Bride Posts: 2529
Just be careful of taking out another loan to clear a loan...that can get you in further trouble unless the new loan is interest-free! Better to divert funds you already have to the "problem areas" rather than take on more debt. I would be interested to know what all the bills are though - if you would like any more advice! :wv
Jeidi Posts: 3128
Ah girls ye are all stars, I had a good cry there reading your replies. Its not as easy as taking his wages and giving him back an allowance....he gets paid into his account and the direct debits for all the loans come out leaving him with €50. It is actually physically impossible for him to give me any money - he really doesnt have any. Money owed is a credit card (which I have in my wallet now.... tried to buy €25 belly bands last month and it was refused) 4k owned on that. He has two hugemongous credit union loans...he also pays a fee on that car loan issue he had since before we met. I cant pay off his loans with my money that I have saved... as babs is coming soon and I need money - I dont have that much saved to be honest, was cleared out paying for the wedding. Fingers crossed one bank will approve us - its easy to see that if we remortgage we'll be well able to meet the repayments as he wont have to pay those bills!