i have a friend in england and things just seem to go from bad to worse for him..
he's a great guy but his self esteem is just sooo low..
he's a little bit overweight but he's not ugly and is just convinced he's never going to meet miss right..
he's a great guy, extremely funny and witty and loyal and i just wish there was something i could do to help him out..
ever since i've known him he's been living at home with his parents and helping them pay the mortgage...mother has debts and his father was suffering an illness that he could have helped himself if he;d wanted but took the approach mope and moan until he died last year..
i know my friend just adored his father and it broke his heart to watch him lie there day after day deteriorating unneccessarily and his death really took it out of him..
was just catching up with him there and he just never seems to get a break..
he now has him mams debts to pay off as there are no benefits that his dad used to receive and things are so bad that they've nearly lost the house 3times this year and now he has to sell his xbox.. one of his only sanctuarys..
i just feel its so unfair..
he's a great guy who'd do anything for anyone but he just never catches a good break..he never has time for himself never mind going out meeting new people and finding a lady, he's either always working or looking after his mam..
sorry girls i just had to vent..
why does life punish the good ones?
no-one has any advice on something i could do to help him out no?
It's hard to watch someone in a rut but the problem is only they can really end it. I think it's lovely that he feels so much responsiblity for his mam but he can;t sort all that out on his own. He might be best going to his bank, sitting down with a consultant and really going over the problems or in the UK I think they have a social services deptartment that helps with debts etc, maybe he could check?
If he could get that under control and arrange manageable payments at least that would be one practical thing. He'll feel better for taking it in hand as well, it's a boost to the self esteem.
Maybe encourage him to get fit and look after his health, and even to join some kind of social or hobby group? sorry that's all I can think of right now - hope it gets better for him!
Sorry RnR I read it and sympathized but didn't realize it was actually a question iykwim
Don't take this the wrong way and fair do's to the guy for sticking by his parents but I think he actually needs to take a step back and make a bit of time for himself, whether that's looking to meet someone or just a drink with a friend, anything to get a break. Now that his mum is on his own, is there anything she would be entitled to such as home help etc., which would ease things on him. Not sure if there is an awful lot you can do from this side R & R but I am sure he appreciates you looking out for him
Is he an only child or does he have siblings that could also help out?
I agree that he should make an appointment with the bank to go though what his options are - it's not in their interests for him and his mum to keep missing payments either. You don't mention that his mother is ill, could he encourage her to join a club or take up a hobby so that she could make friends of her own and not be so dependant on him for company? Wouldn't necessarily have to cost anything, a lot of churches for example have social clubs etc. And he could have time for his own friends or doing something himself. Even weightwatchers, if losing a bit would help his self-confidence - he'd meet lots of ladies there!
Oops gerbil, nearly a double post there, I didn't see yours
[quote="lippy":63yvv1n0]Don't take this the wrong way and fair do's to the guy for sticking by his parents but I think he actually needs to take a step back and make a bit of time for himself[/quote:63yvv1n0]
That's what I thought. His mother's debts aren't [i:63yvv1n0]really[/i:63yvv1n0] his problem, and he's ruining his own life in the process of trying to keep hers afloat. There are limits to what anyone should have to do for their parents.
That said, I feel genuinely sorry for the guy.
i'm just gonna get as much info as i can from hima nd see if i can look into any other benefits or anything for him...it doesnt help that he's in england and we're over here either..
[quote="TokenMale":1fcpkqf2][quote="lippy":1fcpkqf2]Don't take this the wrong way and fair do's to the guy for sticking by his parents but I think he actually needs to take a step back and make a bit of time for himself[/quote:1fcpkqf2]
That's what I thought. His mother's debts aren't [i:1fcpkqf2]really[/i:1fcpkqf2] his problem, and he's ruining his own life in the process of trying to keep hers afloat. There are limits to what anyone should have to do for their parents.
That said, I feel genuinely sorry for the guy.[/quote:1fcpkqf2]
my thoughts EXACTLY token... but you can't tell someone they should be putting themselves first and dropping their own mother in it y'know?
i'm actually not sure if his mother is working but either way there's just not enough money coming in to support the 2 of them.. he's an only child so no siblings to help out..
he says theyve explore all options..ie debt consolidation, lower payments, loans, benefit entitlements etc..
i cant help thinking that he'd be better moving out and then his mam would be better off at least benefit wise.. and he could get on his own feet..
but hes very stubborn, no matter what you throw at him there's a negative feedback, i know its just not him though.. i can see his dad having instilled that trait in him..i'm just afraid for him that his life is slipping away and he's not living it for himself y'know?
thanks for all the replies ladies.. and gent
You're a good friend, RnR. He's lucky to have you.
token - i just hope that if i ever needed it someone would be there looking out for me and mine too.. i'm lucky enough to have hubby tho..
he has no-one,
its the least i can do for him is TRY to help y'know?