Sticking to Guns on Invite List

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Jawl Posts: 8881
We decided from day one, no kids bar nieces and nephews. There are only 4, who are 12 and under anyway. My 2 and Mr. Jawl's nieces 2 kids who are coming from England and all their family will be at the wedding. Mr. Jawl has always classed these 2 as niece and nephew as his niece is 10 years younger than him and they were brought up together by Mr. Jawl's late mother as she lived in the family home. So is considered their sister rather than niece if you understand me. Let's call this girl Emily. The kids send him cards every couple of months and send him things on Facebook, text him etc. So he's very involved in their lives. Everybody is happy with this. Mr. Jawl has 2 other grown up nieces with 4 kids between them, who aren't invited. Mainly because you have to draw the line somewhere and partly because he doesn't know them. And also they are flipping uncultivated!! I'm not joking, they ran riots at Mr. Jawl's mothers funeral, and the mothers let them. A few of the sils2b asked them not to run around or to stop shouting, or fighting with each other. Of course they were the worst in the world for daring to ask the children nicely to behave. If I'm honest, they seem to sit back and watch them be bold and wait for somebody to chastise them so they can jump in. Was chatting casually to one of the nieces the other night on FB. She mentioned she's finding it hard to find a sitter for her boys for the wedding day. Nobody will take them for her, not just for the wedding, in general. So she said she was chatting to her mother and her mother said not to bother with a sitter as Emily's kids were coming so she was to bring hers too. I very nicely made it clear to her that they are coming from overseas and can't be left at home as they have no family in the UK to leave them with and they'll be here for a fortnight as Christmas falls in the middle. And that all their family here will be at the wedding. Mentioned it afterwards to Mr. Jawl and he said to ignore it, it was clearly a hint 'why can't my kids go'. He isn't bothered at all as he's not close to this girl, let alone her kids. Last time he saw her was 4 years ago at his mothers funeral and it was 10 years before that the last time he saw her. I fully intend to stick to my guns, but does anybody else get guilty pangs when people try to invite unwanted guests?? or is it just me? :action34
lux Posts: 6270
I don't feel guilty at all Jawl! Mainly because I think people have a bloody neck when it comes to wedding invites. It seems that for a wedding John and Mary Smith can be interpreted in the following ways: John and his daughter can come as Mary can't make it (or vice versa) John and Mary read it as their five kids are invited too John and Mary think either can subsitute a friend as one of them has to mind the kids. We've had all of the above. We don't want any kids, even my FSIL kid (who'd be the closest child relative to us, bar cousins) is not invited. I can't understand why people think wedding invites contain hidden invitations or clues that other people can piggy back on them. I also find it very irritating when parents start whining about finding people to mind their children. We've often been invited to weddings with a substantial journey between church and reception or were unable to secure accomodation in the venue-I would not have dreamt of whining to the couple about what we were supposed to do and could they not help us out. Yet somehow we're supposed to sort out their kids with an invite? LUX SAYS NO, NO, SORT IT OUT YOURSELF. Rant over, we had a dose of this recently!
diydaisy Posts: 326
Guestlists :action34 I don't think anyone gets a clear run at them without hitting some hurdle. FMIL has had one lady who didn't get a full day invite tell her 'not to bother' sending her an evening invite. Not that FMIL has control over that. She just said it to her to prove a point and try make her uneasy. Cruel And stick to your guns! Though i think you were always going to
Jawl Posts: 8881
[quote="lux":6pni26rr]I don't feel guilty at all Jawl! Mainly because I think people have a bloody neck when it comes to wedding invites. It seems that for a wedding John and Mary Smith can be interpreted in the following ways: John and his daughter can come as Mary can't make it (or vice versa) John and Mary read it as their five kids are invited too John and Mary think either can subsitute a friend as one of them has to mind the kids. We've had all of the above. We don't want any kids, even my FSIL kid (who'd be the closest child relative to us, bar cousins) is not invited. I can't understand why people think wedding invites contain hidden invitations or clues that other people can piggy back on them. I also find it very irritating when parents start whining about finding people to mind their children. We've often been invited to weddings with a substantial journey between church and reception or were unable to secure accomodation in the venue-I would not have dreamt of whining to the couple about what we were supposed to do and could they not help us out. Yet somehow we're supposed to sort out their kids with an invite? LUX SAYS NO, NO, SORT IT OUT YOURSELF. Rant over, we had a dose of this recently![/quote:6pni26rr] Jawl says no too!!! :o0 As it's a NY Eve wedding, I've decided to send my invites out mid October to give people ample time to plan sitters etc. Being family this girl has had 2 years notice to find one. She's always complaining she needs a break and then you had her a wedding invite and a prime break opportunity on a plate and suddenly she'd like the kids to go :o0
Jawl Posts: 8881
[quote="diydaisy":2ymnelv2]Guestlists :action34 I don't think anyone gets a clear run at them without hitting some hurdle. FMIL has had one lady who didn't get a full day invite tell her 'not to bother' sending her an evening invite. Not that FMIL has control over that. She just said it to her to prove a point and try make her uneasy. Cruel And stick to your guns! Though i think you were always going to[/quote:2ymnelv2] No, every single couple I've ever spoken to said the guest list was the one bone of contention! FMIL's lady is a right cheeky b-itch! :o0
islandlil Posts: 1059
Def stick to your guns. As others have said we all got the 'are my kids invited when they clearly aren't' crap though I was lucky enough. Having had only kids in the immediate family plus two others we made exceptions for we were happy enough and they were mostly taken care of and had a lovely day. However esp if these kids are wild keep them away. I had one of OH's nieces mewling during the wedding ceremony (thankfully after the important bits) and actually had to turn my head and look directly at SIL so she would take her outside for a few mins as she was quite loud (i like the kid but this was the most important mass of my life) so put yourself first-it's your big day. TBH I think ye are being extremely generous anyway inviting this niece in the first place seeing as ye never see her and last saw her four years ago. I didn't invite any relatives like that. so she should be v grateful! :wv
Jawl Posts: 8881
[quote="islandlil":wwabw1ar]Def stick to your guns. TBH I think ye are being extremely generous anyway inviting this niece in the first place seeing as ye never see her and last saw her four years ago. I didn't invite any relatives like that. so she should be v grateful! :wv[/quote:wwabw1ar] This is how Mr. Jawl thinks, he wondered why I added her to the list in the first place. But I didn't want to be hurtful to his sister when the other 3 sisters kids were going, you know?
teapotty Posts: 2085
Stick to your original plan. I've had the kids thing come up too and it is very hard to tell people no but that's the rule we made and we said we'd make no exceptions for anyone as A) we don't want any kids there and B) it wouldn't be fair to be inconsistent.
petersgirl Posts: 1568
It's funny you should say this - just one hour ago, my dad suggested inviting some random he barely knows to our wedding abroad, because he will happen to be in Spain at the same time!!!! I'm so annoyed at him! we have a wedding of 45 and I don't want 2 strangers sitting there! sorry. But of course everything my dad says makes me feel guilty O:| I hate being put in this position and it really makes me want the wedding to be over when things like this happen. Try and stick to your guns, you are always going to "offend" somebody, but who cares if you never see them!
mrs2013 Posts: 213
Why when it comes to weddings people think they can invite tom dick and harry. If your kids names are not on the invite then your kids are not invited. I would never have the cheek to say hi thanks for inviting me o im delighted to attend with my x amount of kids that were not invited. Some people have a really cheeky side that comes out when weddings get mentioned. My friend got married and had the same problem but she stuck to her guns and when im doing my list there will be no kids at the wedding and if anyone has a problem they dont have to come. Sorry for ranting a bit but it annoys me so much people bringing there kids when there not invited O:| ok ok rant over lol