Stressing Out! Am I a Bridezilla?

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
Hi All, So my wedding is less then 4 weeks away and although I feel very in control of everything I've organised/planned I cannot help but feel totally annoyed and irritated by my reception venue. I'm living in London but I'm from Dublin and getting married in Dublin. A couple of months ago I complained to the manager their as I just felt like they werent pulling their socks up when I specifically went for this venue because of how they promised they would cater for me organising from London. (Couldnt be further from the truth). Issues re communication, cancelling food tasting when id booked flights to come back for it etc etc. When I made the inital complaint I was allocated a different co-ordinator, not at my request as I explained to them that it isnt personal I just need more communication as I cant just hop in my car and drive around to them. Anyway, since then I still feel like communication is pretty slack. For instance, I made final payment for it last week and nobody has contacted me to inform me its been received when I told them to expect it. In addition, I have queries surrounding what happens with anyone who drops out last minute, am I refunded? Can I put that money behind the bar? Another, bug bear is they havent told me how it works with stuff I want to put out, for instance a bathroom basket, guest book etc. Does someone drop that stuff up to them on the day or day before? How will they know how I want it set out? Another issue is placing of tables. Im not having a head table so I want our table with bridesmaids and best men to be in the centre and our parents tables either side but they havent asked about this. The list goes on and on! Please be honest and tell me if im being a bridezilla! I definitely could be being ridiculous as i feel a bit vunerable organising from London and also, does anyone know the answers to above? Thanks xxx
CasualBride Posts: 574
It's hard to know how to answer this because it does sound like they're not being very fair in answering your queries, but then on the other hand, they're doing this type of work constantly, so they probably do have it all under control, but if you're specifically asking them questions that they're not answering, then that's a bit shoddy. If you ever discussed your preferences - e.g. the top table - with them, then they probably have it all written down and know what they're doing. But I understand that you still need confirmation about whether they do know or not! Re your bathroom baskets and props - yes, normally you'd drop them to the hotel a day or two before the wedding and the hotel usually look after it all from there - I don't know if you have any input into how you want it set out, as you mentioned - I just left it to the wedding coordinator, because obviously she knows best. I just gave her boxes of stuff and let her at it!! When it comes to guests dropping out - usually when it gets closer to the date, the hotel discuss a final time for you to confirm your numbers (probably anything from 5 -2 days before the wedding) and if people drop out after that, then you do have to pay for them, but you can still let the hotel know that they're not coming so that they can change the table settings on whatever table they're missing from.
maybride2017 Posts: 232
you defiantly don't sound like a bridezilla, I'm from Dublin and having my wedding in Dublin for that exact reason I could run in and do everything I wanted, I didn't even want to go down the country as it would be a couple of hours to get to the place, so I can only imagine how stressful it is from another country. If you have someone this end to help like your mother or a good friend, I would send them your worries and organise for them to meet the coordinator and get all the answers for you. If you don't have that option you should write a list of what you need answered and ring them and get all your answers. Yes they should be contacting you but at this stage of the game it looks like you'll have to take control of everything. Its just a pity you found out so late that they were useless with communication, just keep pushing them in a calm and persistent way, don't freak out at them, they specially won't want to help then. When you have your day over with I would make it very clear to them you will be letting people know about the terrible communication and advising against their premises.
Sunshine_30 Posts: 89
Thank you both for replying. Its very difficult as even before I didnt want to complain because I thought they would treat me differently however at the end of the day im spending such a large amount of money on one day and It was only right I had my say. I wouldnt dare say anything at this late stage however i will do after the big day. I'm definitely reassured now with re to props etc which I will just leave to them to do. With re to everything else Im going to contact her after work. I would send my friend or any of my family in fact but I think Im a bit of a control freak (just being honest) and I feel like I've done everything to date and have my eye on the ball completely. If they get involved it just stresses me out. For instance, i asked my mum to book an appointment for 3 people in a particular hair salon at 9am on the wedding day and a week later she still hadnt booked it because she was looking around at other places for me to go to. She only meant well but at the same time that doesnt help :o0 . Thanks for your advice xx
BuzzyBee92 Posts: 142
My only advice to add is to get everything in writing, all your requests and their responses. Follow up with phone calls but ask that they copy the information into an e-mail just in case they don't deliver at least you'll have a copy of any promises they made. You certainly don't sound like a bridezilla! Anyone would be frustrated by lack of communication. Hopefully it all works out and you'll get some peace about the day x
CasualBride Posts: 574
I understand you completely, I preferred to do things myself too, I got my fiancé to speak to the wedding coordinator a few times just to take the pressure off, but afterwards, I'd ask him what he asked her, and he'd always forgotten half of the questions, so it was just easier to do things myself and know that they're done. You probably do need to phone them and have your list of questions ready - when I think back on it, I emailed my coordinator a lot and she wouldn't get back to me by email at all, she'd always ring a few days later and go through the questions - I don't get it, I'd prefer to have things in writing so that I can look back over it later and there's no confusion but I guess not everyone feels the same - she preferred chatting about it rather than just answering questions. Hopefully they're not being malicious or awkward - I do agree with you that when they said they would go the extra mile to communicate given you're living abroad, they should stand by what they said instead of going the total opposite - it does cause unnecessary stress to you and it is unfair. Some hotels are just like that though - my friend got married after us and I couldn't believe how snotty the hotel seemed to treat her compared to our hotel with us. She had to contact them a lot about issues that they continually promised to resolve but failed to do. It felt like they acted like they were doing her a big favour by hosting the wedding rather than appreciating the business. Everything was absolutely fab on the day though.
20thMay2017 Posts: 153
Just throwing another light on things, as a previous poster has said hotels do this day in and day out and if it's a popular wedding venue then they could have 3 weddings a week which means there are a lot of weddings that they have to worry about before your big day. I used to work in a hotel (3 weddings a week type of hotel) and it was really only the week of the wedding when the coordinator would be contacting the bride to finalise everything and finalise the running order of the day including what was being dropped in and who was dropping it in and where it was to be put. Some brides know exactly what they want done with it whereas others will leave it up to the hotel. Also the table plan will only be finalised, printed and room set up the night before the wedding so I wouldn't worry about that. I think you have to trust in them that they know what they are doing and have probably seen everything before. Cancelling of the menu tasting & not responding to emails & acknowledgment of the payment is a bit off form though so I would be annoyed about that. I hope you're able to sort to all out with them and relax and enjoy your day!