Terrible 1's???

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wedjul05 Posts: 5673
I thought it was the terrible 2's that gave most trouble but DS is being super difficult lately. Any tips welcome...... DH does most of the minding of DS at the mo what with me bf'ing DD and doing all her looking after. DH is getting very frustrated/angry at times with DS. He can't handle him sometimes and I have to leave DD and interveen and take over. He tries to rationlise with DS or tell him no, stop that, don't go there but DS just looks at him and laughs, knowing full well he's being bold but continues doing it anyway. TBH it's DH telling DS 'no, get out of there, not allowed' in french about a thousand times that wrecks my head more! DS would have always been quieter with me, whereas with DH he is more hyper. With me going back to work, working shift, being pg and now having DD to mind, DS is very clingy to his dad. Although after spending 1 day with me, he would be back to being clingy to me. He goes beserk most of the time when DH tries to dress him on his knee, wants down and screams the place down doing so. He is a messer in the bath, you have to basically hold him all the time as he is sliding up/down the bath mat as its slippey and thinks this is great fun, whilst banging his head or whatever in the process. DH gets mad at him for this. DS had a red bum from teething lately and is doing alot of dirty nappies. DH had to change him, bath him etc the other morning and went crazy at me, saying I should have left DD (who I was feeding at the time) to help him with DS. He never asked me for help, I was feeding DD and I'm not a flippin' mind reader. I think DH is finding it hard but then again, I tell him to go rock DD etc while I look after DS but he is still scared of holding her. He has only changed 1 nappy and held her a handful of times. We are sleeping in seperate rooms for months now with me being pg and now night feeds. I miss him sth terrible. It's just hard to connect with him at the moment, we are just finding our feet as a family. Can't wait to have some normality back :o(
Rocket Queen Posts: 7381
Absolutely no help to you Wed but I don't think some men are cut out for it!! I came home from the hospital last night around 8pm, DD was asleep but DH was on his knees washing the landing carpet coz DD had thrown up. He was fuming, absolutely fuming and when I asked him what happened he gave out to me for asking a 'stupid question'. I think the stress got to he'd been in college all weekend and only got to see DD before bed each night so it's not as if he'd been stuck on his own with her all day like me. I don't know what to tell you about your DS. It could be just a phase he's going through, he might be realising he's capable to doing more, moving around more and wants to enjoy his new found freedom. DD got a bit like that around xmas last year. It lasted about a month or 6wks and were sure it was an early start of the terrible two's. The only advice I can give is for your DH not to get so wound up about it, and he needs to understand if you are feeding DD you're not in a position to help him at that moment. I think also that if DH can't control DS it's no good asking you to interveen, as then I reckon yoru DS will realise that daddy can't cope and it might make him act up more, not coz he's bold but because he can. DD was never the type to be climbing and pulling at things (we've never had to put any ornaments away etc) but even at 1 if she was having a tantrum and I couldn't stop it, I used to just leave her at it and ignore it. I found that by giving her attention I fuelled the situation.
sunnyside Posts: 3164
Wed I suppose your DS could be a little bit sensitive to the new babs arriving even if he is only 1. My DS is very aware if I put someone else's baby on my knee and doesn't like it! He's also getting a wee bit cheeky and minx like!! He hates having his nappy changed. Screams blue murder and rolls away as soon as wet nappy is off and bolts for the door with no nappy on. Drives me mad but we have started not to interact at all when changing the nappy other than to say 'it's time to change your nappy DS, come over here'. then one of us has to lay him on the floor and practically pin him to the ground but we don't chat. I usually put one hand firmly but not roughly on his chest without talking until he realises we will lie there as long as it takes him to stop making a dash for it. he gets the message eventually and will stay there. other times i give him something novel (like mobile phone, hand cream, bar of chocolate in it's wrapper and let him play with that as distraction- his own toys don't have any influencing effect!). I think it's about consistency and being firm and using distraction. No point getting too mad though as they are only 1 and i'm sure it's hard for them when they can't fully communicate and just want to have fun. I'm sure it will get easier. If you find it easier to deal with DS then maybe agree with DH that you'll just feed DD and then sort DS but he has to mind DD when you are doing that. he's going to have to get over his fear of minding her as it's just not practical. sorry, probably no help at all to you.
notlongtogo Posts: 5040
Hi hun, i remember you asking a few weeks ago about how you would cope with DS when DD came along and i remember thinking that when my DD turned one she changed alot. She became more whingy and difficult, throwing tantrums all the time. I found that time very hard to cope with she demanded all my attention would go crazy in the bath, refused to eat refused to lie still for her nappy changes basically everything you, RQ and Sunnyside said. It lasted until she started to walk which unfortunately wasnt until she was 17 months so i had 5 months of it. I think she was just going through a period of learning a lot and she used to get frustrated and i think was testing her boundaries too. Its very hard but try and stay calm and consistent and ignore the tantrums, distraction is the key. Like sunnyside said i would give something that wasnt a toy for her to play with/examine when changing her nappy/dressing her to stop her rolling around. Lately she is like this again but i think its because of the new baby and DH looks after her now when he is home but he gets her very wound up playing games and she gets cranky then. Im a bit like your DH i lose my temper easily when she is like this as i cant cope with the whinging, DH has much more patience with her. I think you need to sit down with your DH and explain all this - also i think you should move back into same room, im a big believer in sleeping in same bed as i think its too easy to lose the closeness when you sleep apart. I hope you get sorted out its a lot of stress on you :xxx
dhidra Posts: 3147
(((HUGS))) I know it's not easy, but at least your DH is trying. They can be quite clueless, God bless 'em, but I think they just need to be given straightforward instructions and a bit of guidance. It would probably help if you were consistent with your reprimands - both of you say the same things, in the same way (I don't think it really matters if it's two different languages) and don't give in! If you give in to the tantrums you're back to square one! Like RQ said, just leave them at it and they'll forget why they're whinging soon enough! I agree with NLTG about sleeping in the same bed. I know it means that your DH will probably wake up (ok, well if he's like mine, he actually won't!), but he could fall back asleep quick enough. Don't turn on the light or anything, just put on a nightlight (I used to to the Grobag egg). I'm rambling, as usual. Just wanted to reply; disregard my advice if you like!!! :wv
NiamhOct06 Posts: 1253
I'm a bit like NLTG, I have little patience for whinging. DH is much more laid back than me and has great patience! Nappy times have become a bit of a battle for us, unless we have something new and exciting for him at each change. An empty box or something that rattles. DS also kicks and screams like a mule when we take him out of the bath. And he is into everything he shouldb'e be, and the more we say no the more fun he gets from assaulting the bin, tv, or wires. You need to get DH to move back into his own bed wedjuly. Even if he is going to be woken with night feeds or whatever, he needs to be there to support you. I used to find my own DH a great comfort in the small hours of the night, just by being beside me in the bed. I'll be better able to reply to this post next week when we have two at home ourselves! :o0
wedjul05 Posts: 5673
well I think there are 2 chances of DH coming back into our bed; none and definately none!! He just doesn't do nights at all, he doesn't go back asleep once woken and has already mumbled something about having to get up for work etc. So I can kiss that lovely cosy idea goodbye for a while. We will prob put DD into her own room at a few weeks anyway, we had DS in his own room at 5weeks so we will prob just be doing the same this time so DH will come back in then. I have taken to getting up at say 7am now regardless to dress DS as DH can't dress him without him shouting and DS whinging. I had a little cry last night too :-8 DD was awake for 4 hrs from 6pm-10pm and I was at my wits end. It's non-stop at the moment, they are like a tag team, one stops and the other wakes. Oh will settle down eventually. Niamh, sorry I am prob painting the WORST pic ever of having 2 close in age. Sorry :-8
alton Posts: 3077
[quote:3j289xfg]TBH it's DH telling DS 'no, get out of there, not allowed' in french about a thousand times that wrecks my head more! [/quote:3j289xfg] I don't know if this will help hun, but a tip I got was that you only say "no" once. Either the child stops what they are doing, or you get up and move them away to do something else. It makes sense really because if you keep saying "no" over and over, it just becomes meaningless background noise, but if the child knows that you mean business they will take notice. But it is one of those things that is only obvious when someone says it to you. I know that I find when ds is getting on my nerves, and I feel like I'm in a constant battle with him, that taking a deep breath and spending 10 minutes just having a bit of fun with him makes a big difference. I don;t get much housework done, but it means that ds is getting a chunk of attention from me for doing "good" stuff and then less likely to get his kicks from my reaction when he sticks his hands down the loo :o0 But my Dh can't be "told" this kind of thing, so I'm probably no help sharing those tips with you. I can really sympathise with the nappy thing! DS is teething too and hates DH changing him when he is sore. Dh will change him to help me out, but then needs me to come and hold ds while he does it which isn't exactly a great help. Oh dear, I'm not looking forward to managing with two! Hnag in there pet. It will get easier!
NiamhOct06 Posts: 1253
Don't worry wed, I don't have a rosy glow of how it is going to be! We are bracing ourselves for the worst!! :o0 :wv I know there will be tough tough days and nights ahead, but listen it won't be forever! Talk to you later...
wedjul05 Posts: 5673
The prob is alton, DS gets moved away from the TV, then crawls back over to it laughing!! little critter. He listens to me when I say no as I say it only once and look at him real hard at his level so he can see my face clearly. DH just pulls him away and tries to do sth else with him but DS just goes right back over to the TV. I've told DH he MIGHT want to change his tactic with him!! The novelty will wear off eventually.....I hope!