The Worst MIL on the planet

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CultureShock Posts: 21
Hi everyone. I've been lurking on here for ages, but decided to post today because I just have to vent before I have a breakdown! I'm Irish and my H2B is not. We met at home and now live in Oz, in order to be near his family. In the beginning in Ireland everything was great. His parents had no issue with the fact that we are of different races and his mother was constantly telling me that I was the bees knees and was looking forward to having me as a DIL. Fast forward 2 and half years and she turned into the anti-Christ. It began with abusive phone calls and threatening letters. She actually threatened my life and the language she used would make a sailor blush. Then she began to verbally abuse H2b as well, saying things like she wished he would get into a car crash!!!!!! This kind of thing continued for about 18 months and it's been quiet now for about a year. She still has a go at him every now and then, the rest of the time she just pretends that I don't exist. I haven't had any contact with them since she wrote those disgusting letters and she got so frustrated she started to ring my dad who lives alone and was going through radiotherapy for cancer at the time. I nearly went to the police on that occasion, but my dad said not to. She has said that not only will she not come to the wedding, H2B will be dead to her if he goes through with it. He is devasted and I am a nervous wreck that he will leave me standing at the altar :o( There was no precipitating incident, she literally just decided overnight that I was too much of a wh*re (!!) and too Irish to marry her son. I am so confused. I did not do anything to deserve this and neither did H2B. When he asks her what changed she just begins screaming, will not let him finish a sentence, says she doesn't want a white person in her family and ends up somehow being the victim in the whole thing O:| O:| O:| I could write forever about everything she has said and done but I don't think anyone would believe me! It's like a bad movie. Everyone is aware of the line that you just don't cross, but she seems to cross it with glee. I am not affected be her actions anymore, and couldn't care less if she dropped off the face of the planet, but I am really worried about how this is affecting H2B :o( Anyway, I have never posted on a forum like this before, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this as I live so far away from my family. I just had to vent! If you've made it this far, thanks for reading such a long post! Does anyone else have such extreme problems with their FMIL?
Ms4eva Posts: 285
Good God! I'm not even thinking about getting married yet but thought I couldnt read this without replying! You poor woman! She sounds like a nut job! Has she any mental issues i.e. is she seeing a shrink>
CultureShock Posts: 21
Hi Ms4eva, thanks for replying. Everyone asks that and I have wondered about it myself at times. I have come to the conclusion that she is cunning, not crazy. She has always been in control of the entire family and nobody ever challenges her. To such an extent that not one of his family is coming to the wedding. I think she just thought that she could bully H2B into leaving me if she persisted and was mean enough.
Ms4eva Posts: 285
Well you have a great H2B who is willing to ignore his mother so count that as a strong blessing Hopefully things will change for the better soon xx
CultureShock Posts: 21
Thanks Ms4eva. I try to keep reminding myself of that!
TokenMale Posts: 6845
CultureShock, this is a horrendous situation. I find it hard to believe people can act like that without some kind of mental ailment. Have you ever thought about returning to Ireland? You sound a little isolated out there, and the need for your H2B to be near his family seems to be diminishing with each passing day. Would a little bit of (geographical) distance help, do you think?
Princess Cinders Posts: 11475
what does your h2b think of this behaviour and do the rest of his family know how his mother is behaving. Am in shock here that someone would behave like that :eek
Carrie Bradshaw Posts: 683
I find it hard to understand that she doesnt have any mental problems...? she has threatened both yours and h2b's life - surely thats mental enough? i dunno, if it were me, i'd be moving as far away as possible from her. and the fact that she has threatened you and sent you letters would promp me to report her actions to the police. I know she's your MIL, but seriously, if it were anyone else wouldnt you report them?
CultureShock Posts: 21
Token Male: I just don't know whether she is psychiatric or not. Either way, neither she nor the family have any intention of getting her assessed. That would just be too shameful! I would love to go back to Ireland, but have career commitments here for the moment. We will go back in a few years for a while. I can't have kids here without any one to call on for support. As far as she is concerned they would be "mongrels" (mixed race) and has no interest in them! She sounds like a total nut, but displays too much insight to convince me that she is entirely crazy. Princess Cinders: I'm not sure if the rest of the family know the exact content of her letters, but they are certainly aware that I am not a worthy partner and must not be acknowledged. They have lived under her control their whole lives so I'm not surprised that they are unable/unwilling to challenge her on this. As for her husband, he is entirely "under the thumb" and lacks the motivation to get involved. He is selfish and is just trying to stay out of it as much as possible.
gerbil Posts: 3528
hiya, can I just ask what culture it is you are marrying into? your MIL sounds utterly mental, or a religious nutter, that's why I'm asking. Some cultures do encourage young men to have western girlfriends and then insist they don't marry them - and it just sounded as if she was fine with ye at a distance but the reality of you marrying is a different thing. I have a ot of hindu friends and they have had similar problems when marrying outside their culture. Probably wrong but just thought I;d mention it lol :wv