Top table issues!

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efbeef Posts: 27
I would appreciate some advise...who was sitting at the top table was something we had not even started thinking about until my H2B's only sister asked to sit at it. We were very taken aback as we figured just bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents and bride and groom sat at the top table and unfortunately the venue would not be able to fit all siblings at the top table. The only way she was okish about the whole thing was if I took my only sister (a bridesmaid) off the table. We have said yes to this request but I cant stop thinking about the whole situation..... do we just have maid of honour and best man on top table or scrap the top table idea? I just have no idea how to react to this!
Sin16 Posts: 236
You have two options do what you want or give in to her. It's your day. Personally I would speak to her directly and be honest. Traditionally the top table would seat the bridesmaids groomsmen and patents. Say you would like to stick with tradition if that's what you want. I presume she doesn't have a other half. Assure her she will know people on whatever table she's put at be it with family or friends. It's your wedding do what you want. You might have to deal with her giving out but she will get over it. You may even need to get your h2b to speak to his parents to talk some sense into her. Is she the only family member that won't be sitting at the top table? My brother and h2b sister and brother are part of bridal party so everyone will be at top table.
efbeef Posts: 27
We have explained situation and our thoughts to her but there was a huge amount of tears as she felt she wasn't being included. None of my brothers would be sitting at the table so there wasn't the issue of leaving one person out, Id never do that! She is actually engaged herself so she has another half and we actually mentioned that he would be by himself as he would not know many at the wedding besides some family. We have spoke to his parents and they understand that the situation is not normal but I think for the sake of peace they just kinda said to go a long with it. She was originally going to be a bridesmaid pending a few conditions (I know sounds wierd but very necessary in the situation!) as she needed some motivation to kinda get up and going in life and we hoped this would help but that idea has failed, my brother is not being a groomsman now either just to balance it out and to be fair. We have said she can help do the seating plan for her table if she so wishes. Is it normal to only have maybe 6 people at a round table i.e. bride groom and parents only?
MrsSparkle2B Posts: 1689
Tears over not getting her way?? You dodged a bullet by not having her as bridesmaid, never heard of such a request asking to sit at the top table. How's your bridesmaid gonna feel? Can you not get her to do a reading or something during the service to include her instead? If you have already agreed & can't go back on, some people have a sweetheart table I think it's called where the bride & groom sit alone and the others sit at a nearby table. Or my cousin had the bride groom and parents at one table & the bridal party sitting at two tables nearby with their partners. There's ways around it so depends what you want to do.
BonnieC Posts: 57
Im struggling to understand where she is coming from. I wouldn't worry about her though. she should sit with her fiancé with the rest of the immediate extended family, its really as simple as that. It makes no sense for her to be on the top table, I mean what next, the entire immediate family sits on one huge long table. She seems to have thing about your sister being bridesmaid. Maybe say the photographer would like all the bridal party on the top table for photos etc?? Its Sneaky but if she is being awkward it might require it!!
Betty80 Posts: 36
I can only imagine the stress this is causing you! I am having an oval top table which will run through the middle of the room so we are amongst all the Craic We are having 19 in total on the top table - my 3 bridesmaids - there partners (my brother, and brothers in law) my brother and his girlfriend - my niece - our parents and 3 groomsmen My two sisters done the same at their weddings and it worked our great - it was great sitting with all out family and chatting away as these are the people you spend most of your life with I have seen a lot more of the oval table at recent weddings so people seem to be moving away from tradition It is your day - so do what is best for you and your OH
Tashab77 Posts: 129
We had my younger brother (not part of the bridal party) sat at the top table as he didn't want to sit alone (he's 15) my other brother and sister were sat at family tables and we're fine with it! I say do whatever suits you and don't worry about others ultimately at the end of the day they are only sat there for the meal!
E.Rose Posts: 188
I don't think couples need to stick to any "rules" or "traditions" these days. How bout you have all your bridal party, parents and the sister sit at your top table if it keeps the peace. It doesn't need to be symmetrically even at the top table, and if you wish it to be, will you be having a priest? They usually sit at the top table if they're attending the meal. If you explain the situation to the rest of your siblings, I'd presume they will be ok with it? You mentioned you've brothers; men are generally quite easy going so I'd say they won't be too bothered!! Best of luck with it. It's difficult to have someone forcing your arm. It sounds to me like you may be happiest if you let her sit there to keep the peace, but I wouldn't compromise on who I want at the top table also, so my advice would be to keep your bridesmaid there and add in the extra seat at the groom's side.
E.Rose Posts: 188
...or perhaps you could have a U-shaped top table? You'd fit more people this way
LadyLizzie Posts: 1724
Brass neck! Demand the same at her wedding & see how it goes down. Honestly I thought you were going to say she's very young but is engaged herself?? And she would leave her fiance on his own knowing no-one while simultaneously bumping your sister & actual BM off the top table, even though she didn't take the opportunity to be BM when she had a chance...sorry but I'd be telling her a big fat NO. While there is a lot to be said for keeping the peace, and it is just for the duration of the dinner, I wouldn't bump off my own sister for this girl. As if you haven't enough to deal with OP.