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End.of.tether Posts: 3
Going anon for this, please don't quote regardless, as I'll probably take it down soon just in case. I just need to write this down and vent. I've been on antidepressants for about three months. I had a major meltdown during the weekend. Came straight home from work and stayed in bed until 5pm yesterday. I didn't eat, cried on and off the whole time, refused to speak to h2b. It was absolutely horrendous. I've never felt so bad in my entire life and my one wish for everyone on earth is that they never ever have to experience what I did at the weekend. I'm not going to go into the details, as a) they're too identifiable and b) don't want to go over them yet again. I had to tell my boss about the antidepressants today and the fact that I may need time off work as I just can't cope anymore. That went down a treat.... between him trying to convince me I actually wasn't depressed to trying to talk me out of it... Anyway, I visited my counsellor today who was in complete shock and suggested maybe I need to go into hospital for awhile. I am (as my name suggests) at the end of my tether. I suppose my reason for writing here is that I am due to get married in less than 12 months.... I'm not a single bit excited about it at all. It's a checklist that I'm ticking off. Have everything done and still loads of time to go and it's not that I'm super organised, it's just that I.DON'T.CARE. If h2b suggested a registary office in the morning for a half hour quickie wedding I'd do it just to get it done. I know that's awful, but that's how I feel. I can't imagine feeling like this in a year's time and actually having to go through with getting married. I can't function at the minute, let alone smile for cameras. I'm just so completely down all the time and for my counsellor to suggest hospitalisation has given me a shock, as I didn't think I had gotten that bad. I'm just so so so so embarrassed that I can't get myself sorted. Counsellor strongly suggested going to my GP tomorrow. I really am afraid of what she'll say. And I just feel sorry for h2b. :o( I'm not expecting any answers (don't think there were questions) but I just need to get that out.
Rocksie80 Posts: 4045
You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. I think you were very brave to tell your boss, and that you should go to your doctor asap. If you have to go into hospital, it's only cos it's the best thing for you at the moment. Go and chat to your doc, and see what they say. Re your wedding, don't be worrying about that at all... it's still a year away, so you can take a break from it for a while and pick it up again when you are feeling stronger. I really hope you feel better soon. Take care
JustBecause Posts: 3242
You poor thing. Forget about the wedding for the moment, Focus on feeling better. Don't apologise, this is exactly the place to vent. Good luck with your GP tomorrow. :action32 :action32 :action32
jumpinjack Posts: 277
Re your wedding, don't be worrying about that at all... it's still a year away, so you can take a break from it for a while and pick it up again when you are feeling stronger. Hey there, sorry to hear you're feeling so down. Really agree with OP, definitely take a break from the wedding organising. If it's not making you happy,just dump everything wedding related. Concentrate on making yourself feel better. Nothing external ( like organising a wedding) is important enough to affect your happiness this way. You will be fine, just get the support you need to get through this patch ie talking with your GP and counsellor to start with and hopefully everything will turn around soon. REally hope you feel better soon :action32
stickwoman Posts: 2394
Poor you. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.
chrystal Posts: 863
Sorry to hear of your depression and your meltdown. How are you feeling today? It is good that you are able to identify that it was a meltdown and you took the rest and time to deal with it over the weekend, even all the tears, they are healing. I would take your counsellors advice, although I was always of the opinion that counsellors didn't give advice and were non directive. Go to see your GP tomorrow and take it from there. It may take a rest in hospital and a possible change of meds to get you back on your recovery again but its only short term. Don't be stressing about the wedding, you sound super organised. My wedding is a year away also and all we have is the church booked so far! You have loads of time and the important thing for now is that you get yourself well again. Similarly to having a cold or flu, you need time out to rest and recouperate and in a short time you will be back in full force again. Take care of yourself. :action32
dancingqueen Posts: 491
You are not excited about the wedding because currently you are depressed. You need help....put the wedding on the back burner for a while and look after you. You have loads of time to look after the wedding but you need time to look after you! Take care.
Time For A Change Posts: 6885
You poor thing! Just one thing to say to you - your boss is such an a-hole! How dare they try to convince you that you weren't depressed, what the hell do they know and considering that it was the first time you mentioned it to them!!! Take a breather from the organising for a while, maybe you could get a hand from family or friends - but only when you're good 'n' ready. Have a word with your GP and hopefully between the two of you, you can come up with some solution - whether it be a hospital stay or change in medication. Whatever happens, just take it easy and mind yourself. :xxx
Urban Fairy Posts: 3987
I'm so sorry to hear your going through this. You sound a bit more extreme then me but some of what you said is very similar to me. I'm very outgoing but do suffer from depression and know what its like to spend days (sometimes weeks, sometimes months) just being upset, no, devastated for no one reason. You can get treated though for it I promise!!! Its not your fault, there are methods to help you through this. I know how mortifying it is when having to discuss these issues with people like your boss who try to convince you that its all in your head, but they clearly dont understand. Get a note from your doctor about getting a few days off to show them (im sure you'll need one for HR anyway). Pm me if you'd like a chat at all. You will get through this with the right help :action32 :lvs :lvs :lvs
cabbagehead Posts: 3899
End Of Tether I am shocked by your boss's reaction to your illness. It is a long-standing ignorance in Ireland that depression is just "the blues" and you should just "snap out of it". I am so angry on your behalf that you had to face this attitude, you should not have to justify yourself. Depression is a clinical condition, it is an illness that needs medical treatment. Do not let this ignorant, misinformed person stand in the way of your health. If I were to be really harsh I would say if you died in the morning he and his company would go on - a few weeks or even months of sick leave - to which you are legally entitled - are not going to bankrupt him or run the company into the ground. You are not weak or a bad person - you are unwell missus, and you are doing the right thing in getting medical advice and help. It is a difficult step to take to face up to your condition, and it took real courage to do it. Use that courage now to continue down the path ahead. Don't worry about the wedding or your job or anything else other than your health and wellbeing - that will all fall into place when the time comes. You are strong and with the right help you WILL beat this. The very best of luck to you, we are all rooting for you.