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I would say that you understand why she loves it as much as you do, but you would prefer that she didn't as it will invite comparisons and you're not comfortable with that. Be nice but say it to her otherwise you'll resent her for going ahead with it. Good luck

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[quote="8272tot":2uy3m1a1]Its not the same hotel bit that i really mad about its the getting married 5 weeks before me bit. My hen will be around then and then she will be gone off on honeymoon when final fittings for dresses will be going on and all that for our wedding .[/quote:2uy3m1a1] I understand that you're disappointed that she's not around for those bits, but she will be there for the important part, your wedding day. Believe me, I understand the disappointment when someone isn't there when you expect them to be. It would lovely if she could be there, and I understand that your hen is very important to you, but her wedding day and her honeymoon are more important. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh but I presume you asked her to be your BM as you wanted her to be part of your day, not so that she could come to dress fittings. It's hard to take a step back sometimes, but try and think how you would feel if the situation was reversed. I'm sure she'll do all that she can to work with you where possible, but if you do say to her that you're annoyed because she's not around for fittings or your hen, it sounds like you're saying to her that your wedding is more important than her wedding, which I'm sure you don't mean. HTH

I know this isn't what you're going to want to hear, but I think you are over-reacting a bit. Most of my friends engagements lasted at least a couple of years, whereas I will be engaged and married within the year. Its what we want to do and no one else should have a say in such a big decision in MY life. You have to take a step back for a minute and think about the fact that you are totally wrapped up in your wedding, its the biggest thing in your mind right now, but its only [u:1jo3tntp]really[/u:1jo3tntp] important to you. Other peoples lives continue and you can't stop someone from getting married before you. If they want a short engagement thats up to them. Maybe they want to start a family or something and they want to be married to do this, and they shouldn't have to put their plans on hold for you. They mave have looked at the possibility of getting married after you, but I know that when we tried to set a date it was really difficult getting chapel, hotel, priest on the one day, not to mention a date that suited out immediate families too. After taking all this into consideration we ended up with a date that was 2 months before what we had originally thought, our only other option was to put the wedding off until the following year, which we didn't want to do. I would be annoyed about the hotel, but from reading your post I think its the date which has annoyed you more. If it were me I would tell her I was a bit put out by her hotel choice, but it seems like she has planned the date so as she can be married and home from honeymoon in time for your wedding. You should be really happy for her now getting engaged and try not to sour it by being mad at her

[quote="Pink Martini":2i51xcd0] They mave have looked at the possibility of getting married after you, but I know that when we tried to set a date it was really difficult getting chapel, hotel, priest on the one day, not to mention a date that suited out immediate families too. After taking all this into consideration we ended up with a date that was 2 months before what we had originally thought, our only other option was to put the wedding off until the following year, which we didn't want to do. [/quote:2i51xcd0] I found the same as this when looking at hotels etc. The thing is when you are getting married you ultimately have to do what suits you the best, and I'm sure this is what your friend was doing. I ended up picking a date 8 weeks before my cousin, and like Pink Martini the only other option was put it off further which we weren't willing to do. So, although I'm can understand that you feel annoyed about this, I'm sure your friend didn't mean to offend you or upset you. I hope you get sorted with your friend.

[quote="8272tot":opf50yv7]Ok so im engaged a year now getting married next year and one of my bridesmaids is after getting engaged 2 days ago. SHe just txt asking could she have her wedding 5 weeks before ours in same hotel !!!! Ah hello am i being really mean by saying yes i mind ! Im actually a bit upset that she doesnt think more of me to have even contemplated having it then.. SO i havent replied yet, what would ye do if in same situation ?? [/quote:opf50yv7] i know that it seems like the replies you are getting are harsh. i look at it this way. if she is your bridesmaid then i presume she is one of your closest friends so firstly [u:opf50yv7]be happy for her the same way i am sure she was for you.[/u:opf50yv7] i do however understand your dimema 1)i think that the same venue is maybe a bit off. i wouldn't like that when it was so close to my wedding maybe you could mention that maybe ask her consider a different venue. if there was more of a time lapse then it wouldn't matter to much but it is very close to your own wedding 2) about your hen. personally i think that hens are a bit over rated just because someone doesn't make it to you hen doesn't mean she is letting you down she will still be there on your day and i presume that your other bridesmaids will be there and other friends you will still have a ball. i have been to lots of hens where not all the bridesmaids have not made it even my own hen my cbm only came to part of my hen 3)do you mean your dress fitting cos if so she doesn't need to be there for that provided there are other people that will be there with you to learn how to put you into the dress and enjoy the day with you but trust me you will be on cloud nine the day you get your dress it won't matter who is there. however if you mean her dress then yes i could see this being an issue especially if she is going on honeymoon would there be time for her dress fitting when she comes back or would this be cutting it too fine. you need to find this out and talk to her about it 4)i guess your wedding is the most imprtant day to you and so therfore remember that she will be filled with the same excitment that you are don't put a dampner on this for her you are friends and should be there for each other and both of you experience together the fun and hope for you up coming special day 5) stop texting each other you should have these conversations face to face or at least over the phone please don't take this advice the wrong way i do truely understand that you are feeling a bit put out and that she is stealing your thunder but i am sure that is not her intension otherwise you wouldn't be friends with her and asked her to be a bridesmaid

[quote="8272tot":1qoaos8p]Ok so im engaged a year now getting married next year and one of my bridesmaids is after getting engaged 2 days ago. SHe just txt asking could she have her wedding 5 weeks before ours in same hotel !!!! Ah hello am i being really mean by saying yes i mind ! Im actually a bit upset that she doesnt think more of me to have even contemplated having it then.. SO i havent replied yet, what would ye do if in same situation ?? [/quote:1qoaos8p] If she is your BM she is obviously someone close to you and I think sending a text is bad form. She should have phoned you if not seen you in person. I understand why you are upset. Of coure you want her on your hen and enjoying the run up to your wedding with you. BM's are generally the closest people to you so you want to share the weeks running up the wedding with them. I am a very reasonable person who does not get upset easily and this would get to me. (Especially the same hotel)

Hi, the hotel thing would bother me I have to say. I would say to her can she not look around for somewhere else and even maybe suggest that you will help her look. Dress fittings or hens wouldnt necessarily bother me too much. She is thinking of getting married 5 weeks before yours so that means she will be back from honeymoon roughly 3 weeks before your wedding. It is plenty of time to get her dress altered. You can have the other girls and your dress done together. This is your friend and you should be happy for her. Just remember she is only asking if you mind she has not said that its booked. Chin up and give her a ring.

I would be raging........simple as . Texting something like that is ridiculous. If she has genuine reasons for that being the only suitable day then fine but she should have at least called you to have the conversation. I would be annoyed about her missing your hen etc too. You asked her to be your BM and with that come certain expectations...