Trouble - please help

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stuckinthemiddle Posts: 3
Girls i have had to go anonomous for this one as it's a tough situation and i really don't know what to do so any advise would be great. Basically my H2B and my CB's husband have never really seen eye to eye but they have always been civil because of our frendship but last night that came to a head. Basically my CB's husband is Protestant and has been known in the past to be very bitter towards catholics etc (which of course my H2B is) anyway he regulary posts things on FB to do with Football, sectarianism &biggotry (i don't like or agree with it but he's my best friends husband) anyway last night my H2B with a few beers in him replied to one of the FB posts and words were had between all 4 of us. H2B doesn't want him at wedding and as much as i think he might be right what do i do??
tooyay Posts: 299
I didnt want to read and not reply. This is a tough one for everyone involved but u need to think of yourselves on this. Its your wedding and drink will be flowing do you think it will end up in blows or tears? If so you need to sit your friend down and talk to her and say it, clear the air im sure she will understand. If I was in the same situation I wouldn't invite him and u never know it mite b a relief for him cuz he mite not want to go.... Wat does your CB say bout the whole thing? Hope you get it sorted :action32
Carriedaway Posts: 1863
Thats awful, if it was me I wouldn't have him at my wedding, id be worried he would get a few drinks in him and start a fight with some one. It yours and H2b day and you need to be able to just enjoy it and not be worrying about anyone else. What did your CB say? will she not go if hes not invited?
babydust2012 Posts: 4736
I couldn't read and not reply, I really feel for you. How does your friend feel about her husband? would she be in agreement with his opinions but just not be as open about them as he is or would she generally be embarrassed about it? If its the latter then you will be able to have a rational conversation her and explain whats going on and how it might affect your wedding day however if her opinions are the same as his, I think the friendship is at a serious risk?
Dollydo Posts: 759
Oh god you poor thing :action32 have you spoken to your cb in the cold light of day? I think that's what my first approach would be. Obv we dot know the ins and outs of what was said but could you open the lines of communication with her with something like, well what do you make of all that last night? It's an awful situation to be in and I really hope you get the resolution you want
stuckinthemiddle Posts: 3
Thanks for all the replies i really appreciate it. My CB is my best friend from primary school and is by no means of the same opinion as him in any way but if i'm honest she has blinkers on with regards to her husbands views, she just ignores them and says that we all know what he was. If i'm honest i have ignored them 2, i don't like them but for the sake of my friendship i don't comment. I have spoken to her this morning and we have both agreed that they need to have nothing to do with each other and that it won't come between us but i feel awful. Last night she txt to say that her hubby wouldn't be at the wedding but her and kids will be there and that really upset her as of course she want's him there, they have obviously had a fight about it and today i get a txt from him saying for my CB's sake he will be there. I don't know what to do for the best, if i say he's not welcome then i know it will hurt her so much and we've been through alot together, the last thing i want is them ripping our friendship apart, feel like i want to curl up and cry O:|
Carriedaway Posts: 1863
oh that is awful :action32 :action32 what does your H2B think now, does he still not want him there?
Ellefun Posts: 1312
As tough a pill as it is to swallow, friends and their OHs go hand in hand. You don't have to love their OH but you do have to tolerate them and make very effort to be civil. Your OH shouldn't have taken the bait and the situation was totally avoidable. But I undersand he is human. Alot of us are guilty, on WOL and FB etc of taking the low road instead of ignoring comments we don't like. He obviously brings out the worst in your OH (and others I'm sure) so he should just block him on FB and minimise any interaction he has with him. As for him being at your wedding, yes he should still be an invite guest. Your friends feelings (and friendship) will be collateral damage if he isn't welcome. You really will be pleasantly surprised what things can go over your head on the wedding day. You don't have to spend any time with him on the day.
glitterlamp Posts: 98
I wouldn't want him there to be honest, in case he got drunk and started a fight. I would almost tell my CB that her husband can go if he agrees not to drink or something. It's a terrible situation alright. But it is your day, and they will just have to understand that. I would rather live my life knowing that he wasn't there, rather than living it remembering that a terrible fight broke out...
mrsclaus Posts: 274
I am one of those people that it is your day and you can not compromise that. We are leaving (close) people of our list because we do not like their partners and do not want them there on the day to make us feel uncomfortable The only thing I will say is be prepared for this to really kick of and your CBM decide to no longer take part and possibly not go to the wedding, as this is her husband after all and as much as it is annoying most women tend to stand by their man Good luck