under 12's not being invited to wedding

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June2009 Posts: 60
Hi my guest list has gotten a little out of control now at 250 and was only hoping for approx 200. To try cut numbers both my h2b and i want to take cousins aged under 12 off our guest list. my family are okay with the idea but my fmil disagrees with this and is saying that you have to invite everyone and h2b cousins ranges from 3mouths to about 30years! FMIL thinks we will insult our aunts / uncles by not inviting all their children - note: these same families have older children that will be invited so how is this offending the parents O:| was thinking of ringing the aunts directly and just saying it to them before they start buying kids outfits and the invitations go out. opinions please? this would really upset fmil that we went behind her back but we just can't agree on this
ozypozy Posts: 2950
We're not having any kids at our wedding but there wouldn't be that many of them even if we were as we've no nieces or nephews. I was at a wedding where no under 18s were allowed and while i think the bride and groom got a bit of stick over it they stayed firm and didn't back down. I think we've all realised at this stage that no matter what you do you'll never keep everybody happy!
tinkerbella2010 Posts: 762
I think if you rang them directly and explained the situation then it would be fine!!
MeSB Posts: 3785
murielswedding Posts: 372
Do what you want its your wedding, i have 2 kids would never bring them to a wedding or expect them to be invited, im only having my 2 at my wedding and a 12 yr old, and i dont care if friends and family have a huff, its my wedding and if only want my 2 at it then tough, you dont have to have them there, and honestly as a parent i wouldnt ex[ect it or be put out by it, i love going to weddings without them, its a day out for us parents alone :o0
rocj Posts: 799
at the end of the day its your wedding and if you have to cut numbers then go for it. it as the other girls said the parents will probably be delighted to get a break for the day
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
We didn't want children at our wedding and in a way had the same situation as you. We would have had around an extra 30 at the wedding but our numbers were a lot smaller than yours. We didn't want young children there and thought the parents would enjoy a break. We also felt the older ones (oldest age 20) wouldn't be bothered with sitting with oldies all day and we just didn't have the budget to include them. Also it had been 5 years in some cases since I had seen any of them as their parents wouldn't be the type to keep in touch. It caused a lot of upset so you need to be prepared for the backlash and possibly people saying they will pay for the kids meals etc. Most people seemed to want a family day out at our expense and saw nothing wrong with that. If you genuinely cannot stretch to the 250 (I think 200 guests is high enough as it is TBH, no offence or anything), you will just have to stand firm and be prepared to ruffle a few feathers. The cousins did come to the afters all right so the parents did eventually get over it but it was tough going at the time.
Miss Muffet Posts: 612
I know where you're coming from June2009, we have a lot of smallies on both sides of the family. We're both happy to bring them along on the day, but this was something we thought about hard & came to a decision on our own. Luckily, there weren't any pressures from our parents or the kids' parents. It should be totally up to you what you decide to do. It is your wedding & your invitation list. Everyone knows that the costs of weddings are crazy enough and having that many extra kids will only add to your costs. Most parents will admit that the day is long for kids & it probably doesn't mean that much to them anyway. You need to put your foot down now and tell your future inlaws that this is a decision that you & H2B have made for various reasons and that you won't be able to make exceptions. If the issue is the kids not being able to see you getting married then tell the parents that the kids are welcome to come to the church to see the ceremony.
midnightqueen Posts: 582
Hi June2009, Its your wedding day and you do it whatever way you want.. I am not inviting all my cousins and some of them are over 30 never mind under 12!! O:| We are inviting 250 people but we are expecting about 200 to come which is a nice round about number. O:o) We are inviting cousins we are close to on both sides and at the end of the day we are paying for the wedding ourselves. >:o) Even if you change it to suit your fmil who's to say she wont find something else that she dosent agree with and it starts all over again!!! O:| I have found(not with either sets of parents but with other people) That you can NEVER please everyone and there will always be one if not more that will not be happy with every decision you make. :eek Good luck and less us know how you fair out. :wv
Kubla Posts: 192
250 is a massive amount - do you think they will all come? I would reckon on 10-20 not coming. I do love kiddies at weddings though, but I also think most people would understand - esp if you ring them and tell them personally like the other posters are suggesting..