Dr. Addison Montgomery-Sheperd
I was hoping someone with a bit more experience might be able to help me out. Friends of ours are due their first child this week. Myself and DH were talking and I mentioned that we probably shouldn't visit the hosiptal when the baby is born and perhaps call to the house a few days later instead.
He said that at least with the hospital there are allocated visiting hours and we would only be calling at the correct time. He was also nervous that his buddy might expect him to call.
I thought that it might be a bit too much if everyone was calling to the hospital during visiting hours at the same time and perhaps we could call to the house to make it easier for her. They're his friends since he was a teenager so I don't know them as well if ya get me.
What would you guys think about this? Is it better to call to the hospital after the baby is born or leave it a few days and call to their house when things are a bit more settled?
my own feeling on this is that in the hospital the new mum and dad are often overwhelmed with visitors as well as all that goes with new baby. Also new mum may feel self-conscious about being in bed in nightdress when visitors arrive etc.
I tend to leave visits for a week or so after mum and baby have got home - at that stage dad has gone back to work and it cna be a lonely time for new mum. I always try to text ahead of calling around instead of dropping in unexpectedly - make sure it's an ok time to call etc
And when i'm there - I try to make sure i'm the one who gets the tea etc to give mum a wee break.
I know from last time i would have liked people to visit me at home. MIL & FIL always came when i was having dinner and it really pissed me off.
With them being at home they could tell you when to pop over, but its up to yourself. thats my opinion.
If only more people were like you.I'd leave it and visit a week or two later belive me the mum will love you.This is a very touchy subject in my house at the mo and all my friends keep saying i will stay away but i'll come up a week or two later and you know it saves me the embarassment of having to say stay away.You see with my inlaws if i give an inch they will talk 1 million 4 hundred thousand miles so i have to be strict on everyone eventhough it may happen that i would love a bit of company... watch this space in jUly and i'll let you kow how they totally disregard my wishes.ANyhooooo sorry that turned into a bit of a rant.
Obviosly give a phonecall and a text when the baby is born saying congrats and you don't want to intrude as it's such an intimate time but you will see them as soon as mammy and baby are ready.
Anyway you are a lovely friend for thinking about their feelings.
My friend was exhausted with people coming in and out to visit her!!
When it comes to me, I'm going to be telling DH to tell others to leave it for a few days!! DH will ring family & certain friends who I definitely would want to see but only when he rings them.
The way I see it is that people can wait!! The few days after the lil one is born I'll be tired, emotional and we'll just play it by ear but I will be telling people not to come to the hospital other than the people who I really want there and for those who do come I'll be hooshing them out after 20 minutes!!
I normally wait a week or so before visiting, purely because I know if it was me with a new baby Id much prefer just my immediate family calling to the hospital. Proabbly because Im a very private person and wouldnt feel comfortable with loads of visitors at my bed!
I'll go mad if anyone (except family) come near me in the hospital! Both are families are big enough so it will be packed.
Most hospital have a policy on this anyway and will only let 2 people in at certain times. The Coombe actually have a restriction on visitors at the moment only fathers are allowed in - due to an infection.
My BIL and SIL actually put a full ban on any visitors (again except family) for 3 months - but think thats a bit much! They're always been very strict and cautious and people stoped calling as a result!
Dr. Addison Montgomery-Sheperd
Thanks for the advice, I'll mention all those points to dh too as he's nervous about not visiting the hospital thus letting his friend down. He's seeing it from the new dad's point of view I guess, but he can always join him for a few drinks instead.
We bought some gorgeous baby clothes in Next at the weekend for the little one! Hopefully they'll like them now.
Thanks again, I'll print this out and show himself.
I think 2-3 weeks is the perfect time to visit. I made a promise to myself that im never ever going to visit anyone in hospital after a birth ever ever again. I was so distraught and in shock that I cried flat out in hospital and still the visitors kept coming and coming. All I wanted to see was my mum and H2B no one else. Friends, aunts, grannies... I found very hard to see and wished they could have at least had the sensitivity to wait until I was acquiainted with my Little One before they swarmed in. I couldnt move off the bed without flooding it and still couldnt walk, and they all still expected me to sit and make small talk (Im still really really bitter about them all!)
That was my perspective.. but some mums love to show off their bundles. Next baby we arent telling anyone until its at leat 2 days old. I think you're wise to think this through. H2Bs friends texted him to say they'd come to see us at home and came to visit us at home a week afterwards and it was far more pleasant.
To be honest, I really wouldn't want to see anyone for a couple of weeks.
You can phone, text, send flowers, card, whatever and keep in touch - let them know you are thinking of them. And when they get home you can suss them out about when would be best to call.
I would DIE if friends called into the hospital and I was too exhausted to talk or looked awful or was trying to get the hang of breast-feeding or was there with a boob hanging out!!! To me, those first few days should be all about bonding with the baby, not hosting visitors.
We never went to hospital when Dh's nephews were born and no offence at all was taken.
You are a very thoughtful friend - hope all of mine will be the same!