Wedding after party yes/no

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excited2017 Posts: 12
Hi, I was wondering what you lovely people thought on a party/get together the day after the wedding? I really don't want one but my partners family are really putting the pressure on constantly asking what we are doing the next day and its a party they mean!!! My partner says he is stuck in the middle which I totally understand and I actually said if he wanted it we would look into it. I told his sister we weren't doing anything way back and I was told I had to for all those that are travelling (all his family)........ I mean there was big emphasis on the 'have to' part!! We have 2 kids one which one is gonna be over 2yrs old so id like to spend the day with them. Sorry for the rant so I guess has anyone else been in this situation and had an after party and actually didnt mind it then.. I just think enough money will be spent on the wedding itself. I had thought go for a meal and those that want to go pay for their own and can stay on drinking if they want but i wouldnt be under any obligation to stay, Sorry i really appreciate any feedback
MissyM67 Posts: 337
Hi this is quite unusual that people are saying you "have to". It really should be up to you what you do. We wanted a 2nd day. We just reserved an area in the local bar which was free, and had a few platters which were nice and cheap. We were more concerned with making sure people knew they didn't have to feel like they should stay for the 2nd day, that it was purely optional for people. One "friend" told me she hates the way people feel the need to drag out their celebrations over the whole weekend. So obviously she choose not to stay which was completely fine with me. I just think when it comes to weddings, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so just do whatever feels right to you and your husband
crazycatlady15 Posts: 149
MissyM67 is perfectly right. There's no such thing as 'having to'. I don't think I was ever at an official 'after party'. Any drinks the day after would be quite informal and just really included whoever happened to be around for a few hours. My bro got married on a Saturday and didn't do anything. My sis got married on a Friday and so anyone staying over just met in the bar the day after to watch the rugby and there was a bit of finger food (some people were making a weekend of it and stayed on until the Sunday). We're getting married on a Saturday too but a lot of people travelling will be heading back on the Sunday, so we're thinking of a group booking for the local haunted house attraction (we're getting married the week before Halloween) on the Sunday evening for a bit of craic for anyone who's local and for anyone who's staying Sunday night also - but we're not catering for wedding numbers, it'll just be a small group of whoever is up for it. I totally agree with you. A lot of money has been spent already!
20thMay2017 Posts: 153
I totally get this @excited2017, this is the way we are thinking also. I wouldn't be fussed on doing anything the day after as all our family have kids and I think that we'd be just exhausted but the best man & bridesmaids are all going on about taking the Monday off work and making a night of the Sunday, I think all I'll want to do is head home and get things sorted out & the house back to normality! Do what is right for you & your partner and don't be pushed into doing anything you don't want!
Rasberry Posts: 56
Id probably just say to his family if they want to organise something no bother you will be there but that you wouldn't be interested in actually hosting an afters party as you will be wrecked from the wedding and just had hoped for a more casual day....it doesn't have to end up in a big discussion or causing any bad feelings with his family just put the ball back in their court and leave it up to them...
lynchswife Posts: 81
I was asked by a few people if we were having a second day of celebrations but i just told them no as the wedding is on a Saturday so hosting on a Sunday would mean ppl takin a day off work which i am dead against. Plus the hotel is expensive enough, i wouldnt expect guests to fork out the money for a second night plus associated outfits and drinks. The way I feel is if you do the wedding properly you should be too hungover to want to drink again! :hic :o0 Plus the budget was a big thing, i can barely afford the wedding as it is without adding an extra event! Dont be swayed by feeling you have to cater for people who "have to travel"... sure theyd still have to travel the same distance if you host one or 2 nights! As another poster said, if your partner wants to host a second night then reserve a corner in the local pub that has music on and then you can leave when you want.
excited2017 Posts: 12
Thanks so much girls, Im only seeing ur messages now as no notifications came through!! :eek Its really only his side of the family as none of my side will go and will prob be hungover too. :hic I should tell them they can pay for it if they want. If i had of been quick enough I should have said 'who's day is it' but it seems to be about them!! my partner has been asked so many times what we are doing by his family. Anyway i really appreciate your replies and glad to know Im not being totally unreasonable!!! Lets hope we get the day right in the first place @Lynchswife :o0 the dinner option would be better for me cos i wont want to cook lol!! its a thursday we are getting married too so some cud go all weekend!!!!
PMcBP Posts: 42
Just from a different PoV, many of the weddings I've been to have had a day 2 and many brides say they enjoy it as much if not more than the first day as they are relaxed and can let loose. As for paying for it, I don't think anyone would expect a full meal or night of drinking but maybe a few platters would go down well. We are doing a second day because I won't want it to end after one day!
Rí-Rá Posts: 6
I just wanted to echo the sentiments of the other posters here and say that it'your day, do it your way :) That being said I had a day 2 for mine and it was really nice and worked out at €17pp and they bought their own drinks. We did platters of tapas in a really nice local bar at lunchtime the day after (just after people would have had to check out was our logic). We had also managed to source outside catering for €10pp, but our budget allowed it, so we went for the inhouse option. Most of our guests had to travel from other counties & countries, so we just wanted to feed them before they went on their way. We had approx. 50% of our total guestlist attending. Similarly, our friends did a second day bbq, but they had it in the evening- most of their families & friends were staying down anyway as it was a long weekend. I'd advise that if most of your guests are living locally, don't worry about it, however if most are travelling from far away, maybe consider it as it is a nice sentiment- but nobody expects it. Do what feels right for you and your partner's day.
mrsmcc2502 Posts: 497
Wanted to chip in here as h2b and I don't know what to do. We're getting married wed 28th Dec and don't know if there would be much of a crowd to go the next day as ppl would have already taken off work, but at th same time we don't want to not do something. Completely torn! I don't want to book anywhere in case no one does come and were left with an empty room!