Wedding no-shows

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cabbagehead Posts: 3899
Morning all, I haven't started a topic in a while, thought I might ask for your thoughts on this. A great friend of mine from college didn't show up at my wedding. We spoke about it eleventy-million times in the run-up, he was absolutely coming. He's a little shy, but I reassured him he'd be at a table with people he knew, and of course he had a plus-one so he could bring anyone he wanted (he's single). He had asked about acommodation near-by etc, so I had no doubt but that he'd be there. But he never showed up. No card or call or text or anything beforehand, and radio silence since.A few days later I saw on Facebook that he'd spent the weekend kite surfing with his brothers, so I kinda convinced myself that he's gotten the dates mixed up (he's a bit of a scatterbrain, so this would be infinitely plausible). Thought I might get a sheepish text or something from him when I put up wedding photos, but nothing. Wedding was back in May (nearly 2 months ago now, Jaysus :eek ) and I haven't heard from him. I'm ITCHING to send him a "yo, WTF?" message, but something is stopping me. I'm annoyed at the rudeness of it, I'm annoyed that he hasn't acknowledged it at all, and I'm annoyed that it meant another shy friend of mine (who knows the no-show and they get on great) was on his lonesome when the two of them could have had great craic together at the table I spent hours thinking about so they'd have nice people around them! I realise I'm veering into Bridezilla territory but... what do you think? Do I just ignore it and consign him to the file of people who used to be friends but not any more? Did you have any total no-shows? Did you ever get an explanation?
puddin2 Posts: 1093
Yep I had 2 couples that just didn't show. And not heard from either of them since - and 1 was my uncle!! :ooh The other had rang me and pleaded with me to get him a room in the hotel, which I did, and then he and his girlfriend just never showed!! I saw on FB that he was at the airport the next evening heading off on a sun hol. I haven't been in touch with him since and he hasn't been in touch with me. If I am not worth even a congrats text or FB message then he can just P!$$ off!! And as for my uncle..... well he is a flake anyway and did the same for my aunty's (his sister's) wedding a couple of years ago!
stupidname2013 Posts: 924
God Cabbagehead...not sure how you haven't rang him already...I'd be so hurt if a close friend just didn't bother showing up!! Fair play to ya for holding off, dont' think I'd have the same restraint! I'd ask to be honest, it's the height of rudeness! When I first read your message I thought maybe soemthing horrible happened to him but sure if he was off for the weekend with his brother, no excuse!!
cabbagehead Posts: 3899
[quote="PT2012":3dr167am] The other had rang me and pleaded with me to get him a room in the hotel, which I did, and then he and his girlfriend just never showed!! I saw on FB that he was at the airport the next evening heading off on a sun hol.[/quote:3dr167am] :eek :eek :eek That is shockingly rude!!! Did you have to pay for that room?!
ghostchild2 Posts: 6237
Oh cabbagehead that is just awful, at first I thought maybe he had been sick but then read he went away for the weekend. Maybe he did get dates mixed up and is now too embarressed to say anything but that really isn't a good enough excuse. I think I would have sent the WTF text by now.
Smileykaz Posts: 7296
I had a couple of no shows to the evening reception, but we had only invited a few people very casually to that - one person RSVP'd to say they'd be there with a very definite 'Thank you SO much for the invitation we'd LOVE to come, see you there! Can't wait!' but then didn't show. And hasn't mentioned it since, or even comment on any of the wedding photos or anything on FB. Ah well! Maybe they forgot about it and were embarrassed to mention it then. It didn't cost us anything like so it was fine, we only had a handful of people as evening guests so that wasn't a big deal at all. Your case is different Cabbagehead as it was a good friend, have to say if it was a good friend I would have been really hurt and probably would have asked what happened to them. Even in a jokey 'are you ok, I thought you were dead' kind of way. Like talking about it beforehand, saying he'd go, asking about nearby accommodation, that's an RSVP like. You had to pay for his dinner, even though he didn't show. It's rude I think. Of course things come up and you might not be able to contact the bride or groom on the wedding day but surely afterwards you send them a card or a note or an email and apologise? ONe of our guests' siblings died 48 hours before our wedding tragically and unexpectedly and they rang us the day before in the middle of organising the funeral to apologise and say they couldn't go so we could take their names off the list and not have to pay for their dinners. They were so apologetic and of course we didn't mind in the slightest and wouldn't have minded paying for the meals in those circumstances but they said they wouldn't do that. Do you know what Cabbagehead - he was rude and let you down and hasn't mentioned it in two months, what have you got to lose? Don't be snotty with him or lose the head but I think I would ask, just to know. (And then of course run back here and tell us all cos I'm a nosey bint!)
cabbagehead Posts: 3899
[quote="Smileykaz":2ns0bply]Do you know what Cabbagehead - he was rude and let you down and hasn't mentioned it in two months, what have you got to lose? Don't be snotty with him or lose the head but I think I would ask, just to know. (And then of course run back here and tell us all cos I'm a nosey bint!)[/quote:2ns0bply] Feck it I bloody will. Have been pondering it for two months like, I might as well just rip the plaster off.
Rogue User Posts: 6101
I'm going to go against what others have said and ask you what is more important - this guy's friendship or you feeling burned? I always let things like this go. I don't want to know the reasons why they didn't come, if that person still wants to be my friend that's good enough for me. So I'd FB him, ask him how he is, say you haven't heard from him in a while and ask are you still cool. If he replies and is still interested in being your friend then let it go. I've learned that friends are so important and things like this might seem big but really in the larger scheme of things it's just nice to have friends.
paperclips Posts: 3146
I have to say, that was so rude of you friend. Not much of a friend really to be honest if he could do that to you. If it was me, I don't think I would bother getting in touch with him. I would leave it until the next time he contacts you or you're in his company. Is he worth a text message? Also, you have to prepare yourself that you may not like the response that he gives you. Maybe he didn't want to go to your wedding, end of. Its hurtful to hear that but maybe he just couldn't be bothered but didn't have the balls to say that to you.
Bazinga T McBinkers Posts: 4718
I had a few no-shows at my wedding. Most of them Uncles. One uncle in particular, rang my dad when we were in the car to the Registry office, confirming times, see you then, can't wait type of call. Then...nada. No show. It's his childhood home town, only venue in the place and nothing. My dad was furious, he rang him a week later to see what happened. He had fallen "asleep". That was his explanation. Fallen asleep in the space of 2 hours. Bullcrap.