A blessing also keeps the whole day less formal, and in that way they don't have to have the sit down meal nor do they have to invite all the people that they may have had to invite if they were having the full traditional wedding. I guess this might be the reason for your BF's brother and his wife.[/quote>]
<sigh> That's the problem, JDD. The pix I saw also included shots of some sort of meal/function at a venue -- completed with champers, toasts, head table, guests seated at rounds, cake, a band, etc. What I saw looked just like a sit-down wedding meal, to me.
JDD wrote:Usually, and I'm just saying usually, the blessing doesn't involve bridesmaids and flower girls and tuxes etc. Though I've heard it happen in one case, where the bride wanted the church and the groom wanted a civil ceremony, so he compromised on a blessing and she just went ahead and organised the whole shebang, just without the signing of the register.
That's what I thought, too JDD... that "blessings" don't usually include "all the trimmings." There are no photos of them signing the register that I could see, so perhaps that is what happened, but I dunno, I am so confused and hurt about this now, I don't know what to think anymore.
JDD wrote:Given the pictures that you saw, I'd wonder whether they ever did get married abroad, this looks like everything the wedding would have been. They may have gone abroad for the civil ceremony, but I wouldn't see the point if they were going to come home and do the full wedding.
Me neither, JDD. And that is what has bothered me all along. Even if BF's bro/SIL were going back and forth about what to do, you certainly couldn't arrange all of what I saw at the drop of a hat -- and it wouldn't have been inexpensive. Just doesn't add up to me, not to mention most of the albums I saw on her friends' pages were labelled "XXX & YYY's Wedding" or "Wedding" -- does it not seem like if it was only "a blessing" that people wouldn't have tagged their photos that way?
JDD wrote:I'm not sure how you'd find out the truth though.
Oh, how well I know!
JDD wrote:You could send a message to your BFs SIL, but if she didn't invite you then she might be a bit defensive about it. But I guess there would be no harm in asking out straight. Say that you say her pictures and she looks gorgeous, your BF told you that they had gotten married abroad and you didn't know about the blessing being such a big deal, and had you known you would have certainly have joined them for the day, and you hope that she isn't annoyed that you weren't there or something? That way it looks like you were told and couldn't come, and spares her any blushes in case she didn't invite you. The reply should sort out whether it was the bride and groom that didn't invite you, or your BF who kept the wedding from you.
Well, that's the thing JDD I just don't see how I can ask her straight out. I don't know for sure if there were any plans to invite me or not. I was asked by BF if I would like to come -- and was told: "Well, if all comes to all" (which I took to me that they actually had a wedding -- since they had lived together for nine years, and BF was critical about the two of them spending so much money on a full-blown wedding when to him it seemed unecessary)... "you can come over then, and will have a chance to see what a real Irish wedding is like."
We even talked about what would be a good wedding present (one of the reasons I originally joined WOL, because "boys" don't get as excited about talking about that type of thing -- and WOLLIES are great!
). I had also even bought FSIL a small gift that would have been helpful in planning her special day, but I never sent it, because everytime I would mention the wedding to BF, he kept saying that he wasn't sure when it was on or off, and I didn't want to cause SIL any pain, if indeed she and H2B had shelved their plans.
Probably 4-5 months before the wedding was to take place, my BF said FSIL had asked him for my email address. There wasn't specific mention that she's asked because of the wedding, but her comment was put to me more in the tone of a "it would be nice to get to know her" kind of query. I said, "sure" - go ahead and give it to her -- that was okay with me.
But, I suspect she may have asked for another reason... I never fully understood the issue, but when BF's bro/SIL told the family they were getting married, they asked BF to be the best man. He wasn't comfortable with that, as he's rather shy, and didn't fancy having to stand up in front of everyone and do the toasts. That created some friction between the three of them; FSIL was trying to enlist the help of friends/family to help change his mind - and I think perhaps that's why she wanted to get in contact -- to have me help her get him to change his mind, but I could be all wrong…
She never did email me, which may have been because things escalated too quickly, but all that "prodding" by others made BF dig his heels in more, and in the end they were going to go with TWO others -- a cousin and close family friend. BF was asked if he then would be an usher, which he took as an insult.
So I have no idea whether I was ever considered to be invited or not. And, to tell you the truth, I am not sure whether BF's SIL is upset or puzzled about why I contacted her at all.
Our conversations have just been to exchange polite pleasantries and best wishes -- partially because this whole wedding thing has become such an issue between BF and I -- that I didn't want to stir the pot and/or being accused of not believing him by asking her about the wedding, so I have purposely not broached the subject. And, from the sounds of it, every time we do have occasional contact, she must mention it to him, because not soon after, he would always make a comment about me having talked to "XXX."
Ahhhh, JDD... I just don't understand what's going on... I asked BF initially if he was bothered that I had connected with SIL through FB -- he said, no. But, when this whole trust issue between us blew up big time months later, he keeps saying *WHY* are you talking to XXX?"
I can only come to one of three conclusions: 1) She has been giving out to him or asking him why I continue to make contact (three brief chats on FB in a year???), or 2) He sees my contact with SIL as just one more example of how I don't trust him "when he has nothing to hide," 3) For whatever reason, he wasn't truthful about what happened with the wedding, and is angry that I found out as a result of SIL "friending me" and now he's between a rock and a hard place as he probably thought I would have never known, otherwise.
Oh, I just don't know what to think anymore girls. BF's major reason for ending our relationship is that he says I don't trust him. He says I only believe what I see (as opposed to what he says) and he can't take me giving out to him all the time anymore...
That's why I thought asking here what a "blessing" is usually like would help me decide whether I he was telling me the truth, without digging myself in a deeper hole.
Any additional ideas/suggestions about what's going on or how I can approach this? It's truly doing me in...