What's her problem?

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Greece Posts: 1800
Ok - will try to keep this short! My best friend (since we were 12) who is also my BM is really getting to me. We are very diff people, she is kind of...quiet and reserved and doesnt really show emotion very well (IMO), she wouldnt make friends easily (her words not mine). But we are the best of mates and she is an amazing friend most of the time and I love her to bits. However, for some reason the way she is, is really starting to bother me. It never did before but its more obvious to me now than ever. She is getting married herself next year and ill be her BM, and we are both building houses at the moment so we have been a great support for each other but outside those two topics, I feel like I am really struggling to maintain a friendship with her. We were out at the weekend, a big group of us and its like she would prefer to talk to everyone else but me. When I first saw her I went up to give her a hug and say hi and she totally sidestepped me and said 'I have to go to the bank' but gave the other girls a big 'hello' and hugs etc! I was left standing there like a tit and other people notice these things. She was kind of snapping at me during the night when we were talking and I always feel like she is thick with me over something! Last week we had called in to see her unannounced and she was soooo off with me, it was actually embarrassing and it was completely obvious and my H2B was there and could tell a mile away, it was very uncomfortable. I felt so unwelcome and couldnt get out of there quick enough. So I mailed her the next day to say sorry if we had called at a bad time and was she ok with me etc. She just said that she didnt mean to come accross like she was thick with me and sorry if she gave that impression.....but its like that [b:3p01tobd]all [/b:3p01tobd]the time! Its hard because I constantly feel like I am walking on egg shells and feel like she is angry with me over something but I watch her all smiles and happy around everyone else - I just dont get it. Sorry - ended up being a bit long but I dont know how much more I can take of always being pushed away. She is my best friend but if I say anything to her she will just get annoyed I'd say and I dont want to risk falling out or anything. Any advice greatly appreciated. Edited for sp.
goldie. Posts: 1233
Sounds like there is something up all right. I would contact her and arrange to meet up, have a right good natter. You can keep it friendly but still ask her if there is something up. It might have nothing to do with you so just tell her you have noticed that she seems a bit down. She might be having difficulties at work or in her relantship and might be subconciously a wee bit jealous. I am sure ye can get this sorted.
shala Posts: 1733
Is there [i:2cfehq1n]anything [/i:2cfehq1n]u might have done to annoy her? Maybe she doesn't like confrontations and something is festering inside? I was guilty of doing this before with a freind who had totally P*ssed me off. I found it so hard to say it to her, that I kinda blanked her a bit (not overtly), and made NO time for her. Eventually it all came to a head, and we had a full on argument, totally cleared the air and we are still best mates. It felt like a weight had been lifted once we'd aired our grievances with one another. I've learned from this, and now try to tackle problems head on rather than let them build and fester. (Edited for spelling mistakes)
Greece Posts: 1800
[quote:e8vfsf1y]Is there anything u might have done to annoy her? Maybe she doesn't like confrontations and something is festering inside? [/quote:e8vfsf1y] I know what you are saying but its not that I have done something on her....this is just the way she is, she [b:e8vfsf1y]always[/b:e8vfsf1y] has been ever since Ive known her but I accept her quirky ways and the fact that she is moody etc. because she is really sich a nice person and she is always there for me. But for some reason lately I dont have the same tolerance for her. I notice it more these days and although Im giving out to myself saying - "you know what she is like just leave it" its just gettign to me because she is not like that with anyone else, she is nice as pie and hugs galore. She knows she can be herself around me so ina way its good but Im fed up with it now. BUT - how do you tell her that?
shala Posts: 1733
Most people take their moods out on those closest to them - that's why she treats the others better. But it is still not acceptable for her to treat u this way- just try and be honest with her. Tell her how it makes you feel. As u say she is a nice person, and she should take how you feel on board. Easier said than done I know. But it will probably bring you closer together after it. You have been friends a long time. Good luck :thnk
marianf Posts: 5845
Didnt want to read and not reply. I am not full of advice for you, but I know it must be very difficult for you. I have been friends with someone for years and ever since we got engaged she has been so off with me. Had a dawning realisation on holidays last year, that everything is always about her. I never minded because I like to stay in the background but I guess it became obvious when we got engaged and for once it should have been about me and it was still about her. I was very very upset when I realised this and even more so when I said it to another friend and she couldnt believe that I hadnt noticed it. I am fine about it now though. I have accepted that this the way it is. She never mentions the wedding or our new house build. I am fine with that. Luckily for me, I discovered this before I asked her to be BM. If I hadnt I know that I would be miserable forever more. We all just grow up and go our ways and maybe she finds it hard to share the limelight with you (not that I believe that you are hogging it for a second). Try not to let it get to you....... O:o)
she Posts: 3298
Yep my BF was like this as well after we announced our engagment. Never asking about the wedding at all(I mean Never)......even though i asked he to be my one and only bridesmaid........ It really annoyed me at first and other people were even noticing it(I thought at first I was going mad)......so i just never mentioned the wedding at all to her and low and behold lately she's starting to ask me questions and were back having good chat again...... Now I know you can say, she's just not interested in it but to never mention it at all, I thought was a bit too much...... I think either ask your friend again did you offend her in some way or do what i done and ignore, it might work :wv
Anonymous Posts: 24542
I have to agree with Shala - that most people take their moods out on those they love and are really close to....she probably thinks you will be there for ever more, good, bad or indifferent! If it was me, I would take to her. You can approach her when ye are both relaxed, maybe out for a cup of coffee and just say there was something you wanted to mention, that has been upsetting you a bit and make sure you use "I" as in "I feel" etc. she can't argue with how you feel. They are your feelings are you are entitled to them. Don't let it lead to an argument by asking her to hear you out if she attempts to interrupt you, and tell her the last thing you want to do is fall out. If you sweep it under the carper - I too also think it will resurface again at some stage. Best of luck :xxx
gerbil Posts: 3528
is it a case that she hasn't changed but your feelings about her behaviour have changed? I do notice that sometimes since meeting H2B, getting engaged etc life is so busy and has opened up a lot - new people, new places and also you get to see some of your old friends through new eyes. I know I have become a bit impatient with people playing games or being moody, and maybe she is grating on your nerves now because her moodiness is highlighted? I would have a word with her if it is really bugging you!
charlotteyork Posts: 1275
OK, first of all building a house and getting married are seriously stressful times in your life. And if both of you are doing this at the same time then I would imagine that you must be fit to explode. I know when we were building our house I felt like punching someone when I got the dreaded "So how long until ye're in the house" question and now of course its the "So how are all the plans for the big day coming along" question that sends my blood pressure through the roof. I would imagine having to deal with both these at the same time would drive a person mad. Also, maybe you are just growing up. I've kind of lost contact with some people that I would have considered great friends a few years back. They just seem a bit too much like hard work to me; its all mind games and sulking if you don't call to them every second day and so on. I'm happy in my own house and while I do like to call to people, I also like to spend as much of my spare time as I can with H2B in our own house. Maybe you've just outgrown your friend. Maybe she feels there is now some kind of competition between you since you are both planning the same things in and around the same time. Or maybe she is just stressed and as someone else said she's taking it out on you. I'm not great on confrontation myself, so I would say maybe let her have her space and see if she cops on. I mean I know you've been friends for a long time, but do you really need the stress of walking on eggshells? You have a lot going on in your life too, maybe if you just give her some space everything will fall back into place. Best of luck.