What they don't tell you!

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

happy2009 Posts: 67
I thought I'd post this and hope I don’t scare anyone - others may add to this but these are things I thought others might want to know! Births don't always go to plan - have your birth plan but don't be disappointed in yourself if things don't go to this plan and keep you options open. I had not planned on an epidural but when my contractions were 1 min apart and lasting almost a minute I was practically walking the halls looking for the anaesthetist myself. I was glad in the end as had a pretty traumatic labour (was expecting a perfect birth like the telly!!). Breastfeeding does not work for everyone. I was so disappointed but it isn’t the end of the world. He’s a big healthy baby. The crying.... I didn't have baby blues but was surprised at the amount of crying I did. At the drop of a hat I cried but a lot of it was just looking at my baby and how lucky I was and how beautiful he is. I also woke at night for the first few night crying, this was caused by nightmares. I don't know if this is normal or a result of traumatic labour. Afterwards, one thing I was not prepared for was the healing process. In my ‘dream world‘, once the baby was born that’s it - all over. Doesn’t work like that. My stitches although sore, healed very well(there was a lot). I really recommend a sports bottle of water to have for each loo visit. I put a couple of drops of tea tree oil in this after a week. The thing that happened next was the most painful thing of the whole process PILES! About 3/4 weeks after the birth these appeared. Try your best not to get constipated as this makes them worse. I got a prescription to relieve these but just be prepared in case your one of the unlucky ones (i'd nearly go through labour again if it ment not getting these). Looking at my baby I would do it all again in a heartbeat but wish I was prepared. I hope this may help some of you. Happy
Martiespride Posts: 997
Thanks for the honesty. i think being open to all options is the best way to go, definately agree with the bottle of water and teatree oil, i did the same and it worked wonders. enjoy your little one! and congrats
Daff Posts: 11644
tea tree oil isn't recommended on the disposable stitches cause it dissolves them prematurely - use witch hazel instead to be safe and pop in a few drops of lavender for calming the area. I was dreading stitches but they weren't that bad at all, a little uncomfortable at night sitting up in bed feeding DD. If you want to try BF then you have to make sure people know that and don't be afraid to tell them to piddle off. I'd no support at all in doing it and I had to be so rude to people saying that DD was feeding and I wasn't moving - people thought it was ok to call over and for me to have to climb two flights of stairs with stitches to the bedroom to feed for 45 mins to save their embaressment. They soon learned! We invited people over but it was for 15 mins and that was it, they were then sent on the way. You won't believe how wonderful you feel after you give birth. A totally natural high like you've just discovered the meaning of life and fulfilled it. You're invincible and feel the most amazing person in the world! It's ok not to feel the overwhelming love straight away. I loved DD from the moment I met her and would have done anything for her, given my life for her, but it took time to get to know her. She was pretty boring the first while, then she was just hard going :o0 all they do is take, take, take in the first few months. But wow, once they start giving. It's amazing. But in all honesty it's only in the last few months that I look at her and think to myself that she is in fact the most amazing person in the whole world. She's now her own little person and I just can't believe I've made such a perfect human being.
SandyClaws Posts: 3108
To experience morning sickness properly: Catch a bug. Do NOT take anything for it, no motilium, nothing.. Repeat x a lot of weeks... If your lucky this may stop after week 12. If not, tough luck you still can't take anything
BipsyBoo Posts: 1534
That walking after birth will be painful - I had no idea! I thought that I'd have pain from the stitches but I felt like I'd been kicked in the ***** for a few weeks. Such muscular pain down there! That epidurals don't always work - he tried mine twice and to no avail. It numbed my thigh on one leg and my toes on the other!
fizzbomb Posts: 198
Daff I could have written your very post word for word (apart from the breast feeding because I didnt do that). Agree 100% with all you said. Was surprised how much I enjoyed the birth and how much of a high I was on afterwards. Had a tough few weeks after the birth healing. Tea ttree oil didnt agree with me (please take note) not nice. Got piles, so annoying but even worse I got an infection and was put on antibiotics, the antibiotics then caused thrush. This was awful thrush and piles and stiches - i could hardly sit down for about 2 weeks. For me this kind of spoiled my first few weeks with my new baby. you wont be able to walk very far for a week or 2 after the birth, your legs just wont take it. on a more positive note, if you're thinking of an epi - by the stage you need to get it put in you wont feel a thing getting it put in and set up. I thought the needle would be awful Finally you will want to relive the whole thing over and over in your mind. Its amazing :)
Mrslovealot Posts: 656
Labour was like an out of body experience. Even though my epidural didn't "take" and I was on gas and air for pretty much most of it (16 hours)..I'd still have done it all again the following day. That time when you're alone with your baby cuddling into you the hours after you give birth is something which I wish I could relive over and over again.. I never intended to BF and thought I'd face a fight in the hospital to get a bottle - but there was absolutely no hassle at all (CUMH) Witch Hazel on the pads is great alright. Also a few drops of lavender in a sports bottle of water sprayed during and after pee was a Godsend (as other posters have written). My bleeding was very heavy for after two weeks after the birth (I also had two huge clumps of blood clots come out in the hospital which I panicked about a bit thinking it was some of the placenta! But the nurses said it was perfectly normal) and I was grand. I was a mean, hormonal witch to my husband for about 8 weeks after the birth. The poor thing could do nothing right. But that passed and I'm normal again....and we are still married :-8 Motherhood is flipping hard work - but the most fulfilling job in the world. Can't wait to do it all again... O:o)
lush11 Posts: 2877
The one thing I have in my head is to be open about things and take off the rose tinted sunglasses. If i need to have a caesarean, so be it. If i cant BF, so be it. Its not easy so be prepared for sleepless nights, to be sore and to be emotional. I had been watching One Born every minute (decided to stop though as ive seen enough) so expect the unexpected.
snowbear Posts: 2107
The one think Id say is BF is not always easy BUT that doesn't mean that it's your fault, or that you are bad at it or that you just can't do it. A lot of the times the hospitals say they will help but they don't always have the staff or the time to really sort you out. If you want to BF get a support system in place before hand, make contact with the la leche league or Cuidiu before hand, or an independent lactation consultant and put the numbers in your phone. That way if you are having problems then you won't have to go googling when you are exhausted. It's a mother's personal choice but a lot of women leave hospitals feeling bad about BF, not because of anything they did but because they didn't get the support and help they need. Remember in other countries where it's much more common you'd have all your friends and relatives to tell you what to do but here you do need to seek out the help. Also... a clean house is not necessary for a healthy baby, but a rested mother is! So ignore everything other than the bed and sleep when baby sleeps. It's such a cliche but true, I killed myself doing washing and cleaning the floor and it was stupid stupid stupid. If anyone says 'can I help' say yes please, load the dishwasher and I'll see you in an hour!
Daff Posts: 11644
to follow what Miranda said, my friend is a midwife and was doing the home visits - she said they'd actually be more worried if they visited and the house was spotless! They'd be looking to see the mum is ok and resting enough and is not trying to do everything and suffering from it!