Why are people so negative....

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PetiteFeet Posts: 506
Just picking up on somthing from our Feb 11 babies thread, What is with everyone trying to scare us pregnant people with horror labour stories and tales of how hard the first few years are!! We are not stupid, we didn't all get pregnant expecting it to be plain sailing all the way. It is like people enjoy trying to scare you about horrific labours, emergency c sections, the state of the hospitals etc And they don't stop there with their smug little smiles practically cackling when they tell you, how you never sleep again, you and DH will be at each others throats and don't even think about seeing the inside of a pub for the next 6 years! Arrrg people are just so flipping miserable and negative in this country they actually seem to enjoy when bad things happen because they get a kick out of the drama!!! O:| God it feels good to get that out, think those pregnancy hormones are kicking in a bit this morning! :-8
Daff Posts: 11644
Oh I hear ya!!! I wish I could go back to them all now and tell them how stupid they all are!!! O:| I'd one Aunt who was very involved at the start when DD was born. Everything I did was wrong blah blah blah. Now she barely talks to me. I was told to stop BF, don't let DD in the bed with me etc. I think it was her insecurities that were coming through, but as a first time mum she realy should have kept her mouth shut and let me get on with it. Every baby is different and what works best for one person is different for what works for another.
RinkyDinkSlink Posts: 730
Hey girls, I couldn't see the title of this post and not reply. I found a blog post a few months ago and although it's written with weddings in mind it really applies to all aspects of life where people are telling you their horror stories, especially as the author was pregnant at the time. Here's a few bits, and the link to the whole article. It really helps me laugh off other people's bullsh!t :wv [quote:u5aja6p3]I mean, of course people want to share their experiences with each other. But all too often this storytelling slips into fear mongering. It's sort of a pre-emptive commiseration — an anticipatory sing-song of Oh, you'll seeeee.... It's our way of telling each other, "I had this experience, and I'm assuming my experience is universal and you'll have the exact same one. And mine was like this, so yours will be too — and then we can roll our eyes and bond over how awful it was together." We all love a common enemy, and all too often in pursuit of this shared experience, we project our challenges onto others.[/quote:u5aja6p3] [quote:u5aja6p3]I'm learning this about another phase with the fear mongering around pregnancy, childbearing, and babies. I've never heard more sing-songy You'll seeeeee!s than I have when talking to people about becoming a mother. I've witnessed the other end of the spectrum too — people chided when they opt NOT to have children, told "Oh, you'll change your mind about having kids. You'll seeeee..."[/quote:u5aja6p3] [quote:u5aja6p3]Certainly I've seen it in other parts of my life — my career, my home, my education, etc etc etc. You'll seeeeeee, people have always told me. And maybe because I'm a brat and want to prove them wrong, or maybe just because I live my life differently, or maybe just because I've been blessed and lucky ... I've found myself NOT seeing. My husband being an irritating ball and chain that takes "work"? I didn't seeeeee. Ignoring my dog because I had a baby? No, I don't seeeee. Spending a lifetime locked in a meaningless job? No, I don't seeeee. I don't want to be naive, but when it comes to having to accept other people's visions as what I seeeeee ... I don't want to seeeeee.[/quote:u5aja6p3] [url:u5aja6p3]http://offbeatbride.com/2010/01/fear-mongering-youll-seeeee[/url:u5aja6p3] Full article, well worth the read, she's a very witty writer! Enjoy!
televisionhead Posts: 92
I have two kids, and I think every person experiences different things - yes sometimes it is hard, I had sections with both DCs and it was bloody sore and uncomfortable, but I got over it and wouldn't change things for the world. People always like to talk about the drama and the bad stuff, but not as many people say "Do you know what I am the happiest person in the world. I have lovely kids, a fairly happy life, we have our health, so things are great". It must be a natural thing to moan about the bad things, and ignore the good and people would rather talk about the bad stuff.
honeymoonbaby Posts: 896
I agree it is unreal the way people enjoy telling you how your life is about to end. When I was pregnant with our first people were even saying oh wait till you have no 2. I really felt like saying to them if it is all that awful why did you have children at all? The amount of them that told dh he'd never be out again was unreal. Our lives have changed but not dramatically and certainly not in a bad way. The only real change is that if we want to do something on our own we have to get someone to mind the children I don't really thik that is such a drama to warrant all the sighs, looks and warnings you get.
Salander Posts: 1639
its their inbuilt need to say i know better than you! i have to say since having dd and with another on the way, when im speaking to another mammy or pg woman i go out of my way to emphasise the positive!
PetiteFeet Posts: 506
Glad I'm not the only who found this annoying!! It did feel great just to have a rant about it on here, it's such a good outlet! Guess I'll just have to find a way to nod, smile and ignore as it sounds like it just continues when baby is born!
motherhubbard Posts: 3037
Oh yeah, there are some real charmers out there!!! I found this much worse on my 1st pregnancy then on this one as people do tend to realise you have had one already so there is only so much they can say to scare you! But what I do get now is how HARD we'll find it with 2!! I think it's nature’s way of trying to prepare us for the worst, so it makes sure we meet every annoying painful person who has a story to tell so we can hear every last horrifying detail :eek I have always tried to avoid telling stories, even when people specifically ask for the story and unless they are a very close friend that I know is looking for the brutal honesty of a situation I normally try and make things sound better than they were. On the other side of things I find myself smiling sometimes with how naive some people are about pregnancy, labour and having kids. They have this rosy picture in their head which they share and you just know as they are talking that their whole world is going to come crumbling down on them!
alwayshoping Posts: 409
[quote="motherhubbard":2pjek2ml]Oh yeah, there are some real charmers out there!!! On the other side of things I find myself smiling sometimes with how naive some people are about pregnancy, labour and having kids. They have this rosy picture in their head which they share and you just know as they are talking that their whole world is going to come crumbling down on them![/quote:2pjek2ml] plus one i do think people focus too much on the birth etc sometimes and not on how their lives will change when they have the baby!
Duffers Posts: 1841
Just to let you know, when I was pregnant with DS, I got all the stories! Ignore them! My pregnancy was great, yes id morning sickness, couldnt reach my toes , only slept full nights for half of my pregnancy, hormones were mental but it was so worth it! I loved it all even while it was happening coz I knew I was so lucky to be pregnant. Then as it got closer I got all the awful labour stories but Id a lovely birth. Listened to my Gentlebirthing CDs on my iPhone every night, waters broke at home ( :eek :-8 ) but it was so exciting as I knew we were going to meet our baby soon. The contractions were painful but I knew each one was bringing me closer to our baby and the pushing was tough (just G&A, got pethadine earlier but didnt work) but only for DH telling me that he could see a beautiful head of hair coming I probably would have found it a little tougher. When our baby was handed to me and DH cut the cord it was like instinct kicked in, just started wiping the baby with a towel and trying to clean him without even thinking about it. It was the most amazing moment. The first 6 weeks were tough with breastfeeding, it simply took a while to get used to being woken to feed but I knew I was lucky that breastfeeding worked and I was doing the best that I could do for our baby at that time. Now he makes us laugh out loud everyday and we are unbelievably lucky to have such a happy healthy little boy. Its all about your outlook. When people start with those stories, ask them to stop. Say that you're just focusing one day at a time. And you know what, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, it'll all be worth it!