Why i dont think I'd use OPKs again

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anonforonce Posts: 2
We've been TTC for 4 cycles now and I decided to get OPK last week so we could time BD exactly. I've been charting, watching CM etc and knew I was about to ovulate. Hubbie really wants a baby too. Hubbie got a cold at the weekend and was feeling tired and a little miserable. So last night I came home from work and did my OPK as usual and it showed the smiley face! Well, I was so excited and hubbie and I had decided I would wait up until he got home from work at 12 to DTD. Then he rang me at 9pm saying that he was tired and didnt feel up to it. Well, I was just so upset and disappointed. The hardest thing was knowing there was a little egg there ready for us and not taking up the opportunity. I could understand that hubbie was feeling miserable and it wasnt his fault that he didnt want to last night but I was so upset. I've decided not to use OPKs again for a while because of the pressure i felt and the disappointment I felt when hubbie wasnt up to DTD. I was surprised at how much i cried last night and I look a state today. I'm amazed at hom much this has affected me and I'm glad I didnt take it out on my husband. I suppose I'm just looking for encouragment from other people TTC whi felt like this. Please dont tell me to relax and it will all be fine. I'd just like to hear how other people managed OPKs and the level of planning/lack of spontaneity. thanks anon for this one
sunnyside Posts: 3164
Anonforonce I know exactly how you feel. I'm only on my third month but starting to feel the pressure (see other post earlier 'pressure'). I've bought opk's for this month and I'm seriously thinking of not using them. Its awful to feel a real pressure on when to DTD. I suppose its early days for both of us so maybe we shouldn't worry about opk's yet. Good luck with what you decide.
ros Posts: 749
While I think OPK's can be very useful to pinpoint ovulation, they can have downsides too. I have used them a few times and twice we have been successful (2 pregnancies but the second ended in miscarriage). It's important to keep this in your head: EVEN if you get a positive on your OPK, and your hubbie and you make love and the timing is optimal, you have fertile CM and your temps rise for 3 days, your chances of conceiving are still not very high... just higher. There are no hard facts about this yet, just indicators and stastics that are often out of context and misleading. I think you need to keep it as an indicator of good timing but nothing else. We have always made it fun, even when we are using OPKs. If I get a positive, we will tease each other and have lots of fun all day before doing the deed. Or if we are feeling into it, we will make love there and then. But the worst thing you can do is to force the issue. Allow yourself to be disappointed and don't beat yourself up -it's natural to become impatient when you are so badly wanting it to happen. You already know this isn't helping but that is just how it is. It's okay to be disappointed and frustrated - it's normal in your circumstances. You never know you know, you could still make it this month and if not, there is always next time!!
NewYearsBride Posts: 69
Anonforonce i'm in the exact same stage as yoursel! This is our third month tryin and decided to try OPK's and my poor hubby took a bad tummy bug the other day, and i had just got a positive test. He's more gutted than me. Im tryin to be upbeat cos i was so upset last month cos i had convinced myself i'd all the symptoms. It's awful feelin this under pressure cos it does take the fun outta the deed itself! God we've the dreaded 2ww ahead! Fingers crossed for us all this month!!!
Tigletts Posts: 2904
Anon, the only thing I can say is it's better not to tell your DH you're using them. I didn't - just tested myself and when I got the green light I jumped DH, I think otherwise it puts too much pressure on to perform. HTH
wedjul05 Posts: 5673
OMG, I am the EXACT same as you!! I thought I was ovulating on sun and hubby tried but couldn't. I was upset, crying etc. As I said to my DH, I am just frustrated at having to rely on him to give me something! I hate it. I felt the exact same as you on sunday night. I was devastated and I don't even know for sure if I was ovulating, so I would have been 10 times worse if I had gotten a smiley face. My heart goes out to you!
little mrs sunshine Posts: 5523
I agree with tigletts first month using them DH knew, I would show him the positive reading. He said to afterwards that would I mind not telling him when I get a positive reading because he felt under huge pressure to perform. From then on I didn't tell him and 3rd cycle on we got our BFP. DH said he much prefered getting jumped rather than being marched up to bed to perform on demand.
Tedsters Posts: 1688
I used the Boots OPK and didn't quite get it right the first month but the second month got my BFP. I think they are brilliant!!
wedjul05 Posts: 5673
I think I might be trying not to tell DH about any positive I get as he is under huge pressure at the mo. I have been talking about it alot, trying to cut down though. It's hard though as I have no real-life person (as opposed to online people!!) to talk to at all.
littledolly Posts: 393
Hi girls I can't really offer much advice on this, but there is an article in the latest edition of Top Sante about fertility and ttc, etc which might be of interest to you. (Hope you can get it in the South). It was repeating a lot of things that I am sure you have heard before, but was quite positive in what it was saying in terms of being able to conceive. It talked about the amount of stress ttc can put on your system, which, in turn can make conceiving more difficult and said there was a really high number of women who get BFPs while on the waiting list for fertility treatment, as they are more relaxed about things. Perhaps you should forget about the OPKs for a while (the article did also state many experts do not rate things like this at all) - dtd should be about having fun and enjoyment with your partner, not doing it on demand. Hope I don't sound patronising here, and Good Luck with the months ahead!