Will you have career issues after Baby?

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swissgirl Posts: 2301
Hi All, So its 4am in the morning and Im worrying about work. It looks like post baby my career will really be in trouble. Now dont get me wrong - being pregnant and looking after bean are my top priority and Im so happy to here and to be in this position. Every day I secretly find myself smiling like an idiot about being pregnant. DH sees me sometimes and grins like an idiot too :o0 we are both so happy. Ive told work and they were shocked (Im 35, female and married how shocking can it be)? I will get standard maternity leave but theyll expect me to come back and continue to work ridiculous hours. DH and I have no support network in Zurich (his family are up an alp by the austrian border, mine in Dublin) and DH works in the next kanton (county) so Ill be the creche dropper and picker-upper. DH wants me to do 3 day weeks, I havent asked work yet. The thing is there isnt a job for me thats 3 days....I could perhaps go 4 days (still messy as we work with clients who'd expect you to be there mon-fri)...but I can see work having issues which is freaking me out. A guy in my department has just been promoted above me since I told work about my bfp - this guy is as dizzy as paris hilton, he's the chap who arranges the work drinks, spends all day on facebook, arranges the ski trips, he constantly needs to be bailed out of mesy situations where Ive invariably helped him and last year he had such issues with his annual review that he came to me for a reference as his boss had slated him and he wanted "back up". Now he's been put in a position that he is not qualified for and I am qualified for in every way. My boss is not understanding, he's an odd chap, brilliant at what he does and I have a lot of respect for him. I know his wife (from work events) and I know they tried for years to have kids but it never happened and they gave up about 3 years ago. This man works 60 hour weeks at minimum and last summer when he was on his 2 weeks holidays he rang me 4 times on various work short he lives for work and while he holds nothing against people who dont he doesnt expect them to work for him. I like what I do (project management), I know I have to "give up" the career prospects idea....but Im just freaking out about post baby especially as the signs are already there that work does not approve and its not going to be easy to balance the two. I dont really know what to do... Just a rant....anyone else like this? sg - 4:21am, who should go to bed and stop worrying.
Hopefully07 Posts: 2027
Personally I feel that once you have a baby then you’re work life will change REGARDLESS! As in even if you’re job is perfect with you leaving for “X” number of months and coming back to do 2 day weeks, you’ll change as a person so you’re priorities will change also. Like you at the minute my job isn’t going great since I told them about my BFP, I didn’t expect anything else as the last two girls that were pregnant in here has since been made redundant so I’d say I’ll be coming back to that as well so I have the attitude now of “I just don’t care” my baby and DH will be my number one as it’s taken us a lot to get were we are now and I swear if the whole world fell around me once my baby is alright well then I’ll be as happy as pig in s*ite! Can you not talk to you’re boss and find out why “Paris Hilton” got the job over you especially as you are more qualified? I wouldn’t let that go, but with regards to coming back after bab is born, just play it by ear don’t stress you’re self over it now wait and see how you feel when you get back, as that’s NOT the only job in the whole of the country I am sure if things came to a push you’d find something that would better suit you’re new life. Best of luck.
Me Julia Posts: 1352
Hi SG I am kind of in the same boat as yourself and hopefully07. I think that during the night when things are going around in your head they always seem worse than they really are. Things always work out in the long run. ( i cant believe i am saying that to someone else and not taking my own advice!!!) I am a training manager and i know that he is not happy since i have become pregnant, its like i dont exist anymore, i dont get informed about ANYTHING anymore. I know he just wants me gone, its been like this all year, since my first MC. He said to another girl, oh well she will just get pregnant again and leave anyway. He will make things very difficult for me if i wanted to come back. Sometimes i am required to go away training and there is no way i could do that with a baby. DH works very late hours. We have taken on another trainer who i have been training up, i know he will be paying her a lot less so he will be happy just to have her doing the training now. I know how you feel SG, it is a worry. I have always enjoyed my job, but cant see it working out once baby is here. I just hope i can find something part time but dont want to go backwards in career after working hard to get to where i am. however like hopefully and DH are my number ones!!!!!!!
[email protected] Posts: 492
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I understand the conflict of being delighted to be pregnant and very concerned about work. If you like your work now that won't change after baby is born, you'll probably still be as ambitious but not as driven as you have another agenda ie Baby. Keep your options open regarding finding a similar job that suits your lifestyle after your maternity leave. I'd say your boss will live to regret his decision to promote Paris! Goodluck
theoracle Posts: 7664
A very interesting thread! Before DD was born, I was holding a managerial position and had a job that also involved working with clients which then also meant entertaining at weekends, trips abroad and late hours. I loved my job and lived for work. When I got pregnant with DD (was 33 at the time), I was a bit at loss at what to do. Now the main difference is that the company was supportive and there was an option of part-time work, it would have been messy as I was commuting, but it would have been workable. I did not put myself under pressure to make any decisions there and then as I had no idea how will I feel once DD was there. I initially thought I'll go back to work after DD was 6 months. I didn't, because I just enjoyed her too much. Then DH got an offer to work in Ireland which was just great and we only had few days to make up our minds and we always thought how nice it would be for kids to grow up rurally. So we moved to Ireland. I started working again when DD was 1 year old. I work in a job that I am totally overqualified for, but it is 9-5/5 days a week and suits our new lifestyle and our family life. DH also works much more reasonable hours than in the UK, so overall we are happy. I guess, what I am trying to say is that you never know how you will feel about work until you get there. It may well be that other opportunities/alternatives will come along that will completely change your outlook, so try to remain positive, things have a way of working out!
swissgirl Posts: 2301
Thanks guys, Interesting responses. I think, as well as work being awkward, Im going through a (necessary) phase of realizing that my priorities are going to change, and that Ill want them to change, and this is part of adapting. There is a lot to let go - for the last decade I have been so career focused. Now its frustrating to let it go and to see the likes of Paris Hilton take roles that I will now never[*] get to go for. I do feel sorry for Paris in way - he's going to have to work in a way he's never worked before so while he may not have been quite qualified for it, he'll have to come up to speed quickly - its not a walk in the park. Ive been debating whether to talk to work about the Paris situation (I think you asked Hopefully07) and havent quite decided. I suppose Im afraid theyll say something like "well you wont be able to put in the hours" or something.....I might say something though at the right time. Aside from me, the whole situation was handled badly (he wasnt interviewed for the role and basically its an "old boys club"), Ill tackle them on that. I am just venting - there is no way work comes even a close second to DH and bean. Im so lucky and am just being spoilt pouting about work - worse comes to worse Ill quit and doing something else (easier and less stressful on hours). I just have to learn to let it go iykwim? Swiss [*] saying Never up there is wrong really when the kids (plural please God) are teenagers I could always retackle the career thing if I was so inclined.
mjm Posts: 393
Very interest thread SG. I am dreading telling work, I'll only be here 8 months when I do tell them and I know they wont be impressed but we are over the moon to be expecting and you know like you, I am a woman in my thirties married a few years so really where is the shocker for them!! I know though that this means I can kiss my prospects of partnership goodbye as only those who work ridiculous hours and ring in while on hols etc seem to make that level here and to be honest my family is my priority for the future, so I am resigned to just being a work horse in the future. I am dreading telling the partners though and its the kind of place where the whole office will be talking about it and how soon it is since I started etc but sure who cares, I'm going to have a baby!!!!!! mjm
brideeee Posts: 1490
Interesting thread, I'm very much being left out since my boss found out I'm pregnant (my boss I should point out is FEMALE with two kids of her own -I don think she has a pair of whatsits too though) A major company was interested in collaborating with us recently and they were over visiting- everyone in the office bar me was asked out to dinner to chat with them and when they signed the deal again everyone bar me was invited to signing and brought into a meeting to be told that everything was going ahead. I went in to ask her what project I might be working on when I come back from ML and was asked 'are you planning on coming back part-time or full-time?' FFS i haven't won the friggin lottery!! Then she told me she wasn't sure what there might be for me and that really I should talk to HR (I work as a researcher- so funding source changes every 2-3 years) Now at the moment it's like I have and invisible cloak on and she doesn't even see me anymore- like she's written me off- it really is a terrible feeling- but as everyone else said when this little baby comes along my priorities will change- Bubs and DH will be the centre of my world And I'm still young enough to re-evaluate when they're a bit older. Phew-hope I didn't take over your post. I just think it's sad that women ARE and will continue to be discriminated against for having children O:| xx b
Raindeer Posts: 169
Very interesting topic. I have worked for my family for the last 8 years in sales and I am very lucky with the situations because I know I will be looked after and as a family member they are all so happy for me. However, my job is commission based and not the kind of job you can do part time, I tend to moan about work but I am very career driven and competitive and love my money. I would love the idea of coming back 3/4 days a week but it will be on my basic wage and I will be down a lot of money but something inside is telling me not to worry and that baby will completely change my view. My sister was never career driven and gave up work as soon as she had her first, she is brilliant with money and really makes sacrifices but lives a great life, i.e. no designer handbags!!!!! On the topic of work places not understanding I guess I have seen it from both sides. My husband has his own business with 6 employee's, his best being the woman, when she announced she was pregnant we were all thrilled but upset that he was loosing her for months. Don’t get me wrong we are entitled to be treated equally but it is messy for employers. Also, my family business is expanding and there is a managerial position for me but I think I would turn it down because I have worked those long hours for 8 years now and I am ready for another commitment.
susmurf Posts: 1060
It's gas how many of us are findng this topic interesting. Just after DH and I got married last year, we realised that there was no way we would be able to manage kids with our jobs - he's on the road all day and doesn't know from one hour to the next where he'll have to go. I was working about a hour away - the type of job where you have to put in the hours. I wasn't really enjoying to be honest, so we decided that I would go back to college and retrain, so I'm currently working as and studying to be a primary teacher. My studies will be delayed a bit becuse of the baby, and I'll only get the state maternity benefit - but I'm so much happier that I don't have to worry about the office politics - I saw so many mothers squeezed out. i guess us girls just can't have it all!!