Women-our own worst enemy?

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lux Posts: 6270
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/no ... mies-study Interesting topic. Sometimes I think woman are their own worst enemies, I heard my mum giving out about one of her SILs who works all hours, she said she was not a good mum. My dad worked all hours growing up, was he a bad dad?
Cinnabon Posts: 2626
Lux - I totally agree and I was just thinking about this on my way home from work. There is a female on OH's side of the family who totally disregards me as I work fulltime etc...........................I'm dreading if we ever have to tell her I am pregnant and would be planning on going back to work fulltime - I can hear the snort and see the look down the nose already! I could spend a week writing about the individual above but I have to say my own circle of friends & family are all the same as me so no problems on that side which is what matters more to me.
lux Posts: 6270
[quote="fmh62":33fypyf6]Lux - I totally agree and I was just thinking about this on my way home from work. There is a female on OH's side of the family who totally disregards me as I work fulltime etc...........................I'm dreading if we ever have to tell her I am pregnant and would be planning on going back to work fulltime - I can hear the snort and see the look down the nose already! I could spend a week writing about the individual above but I have to say my own circle of friends & family are all the same as me so no problems on that side which is what matters more to me.[/quote:33fypyf6] I am nearly the opposite as I would love to stay home when we have kids. However, FSIL works full time and her mum minds her child. I've heard her comments on stay at home mums, how they chose marriage as a career choice and just couldn't be bothered working. My mum and dad both worked when we were young but my mum was always there when we came home from school and I want to have the same for our kids. However, I would never judge a mum for working, lots of people have no choice or could not stay home and thats fine. I never hear men judging men for the choices they make the way women do.
Cinnabon Posts: 2626
I know plenty of people who are stay at home mums also. Everyone has their reasons for doing it or not and I have no problem with any of them. At least we have the choice now - my mum didn't but once she could go back to work she did but at that stage we were all in school. It's just the individual I mention never had a full time job and kind of trapped their OH by 'suddenly' becoming pregnant and then had a second not long afterwards when they could hardly get by with just the 2 of them. There is a long story and history attached as to why I singled out that individual - to be honest with them it would their way or the high way.
Bonnie Parker Posts: 2670
I think the sisterhood can work both ways - females are certainly more bitchy towards eachother then men, but I also think that girls can get closer to eachother as friends than men would. In relation to Stay at Home Moms, I can't see myself doing this to be honest. But we don't have kids yet, so who knows - I'm sure I'll feel diferent in the sitation. I work in PS, so I hope to avail of all the family friendly options! The one thing I notice about the sisterhood in my workplace is that I find it easier to build up rapport with male seniors. In interviews also - I would prefer to be met with male interviewers.
Kaycee Posts: 2107
interesting article but not surprising, this forum being a prime example surely? even my other half, who has no sisters and me being his first long-term relationship can't always believe the reactions, stories I tell him about female interactions/relationships. My mother went out to work(because she had to) and I will too. While we wouldn't be very poor if I didn't, we'd be a lot more comfortable if I did. I'll also be happier in myself, I feel that I don't want kids to completely define who I am. I'm probably in a fantasy-land but work (or really independence) being a big factor of my existence, I can't see any other way to be honest. At the same time, I hope not to work the hours I currently do, which would be unsustainable. Really hope to find a happy medium (like everyone I suppose!) Plus I really don't give 2 flying fuuucks what most people think, I have my own conscience/morals/sense of right vs wrong. I hope to give my kids things I never had (not just material things) and me working will certainly help that!
whoop Posts: 1310
From my own experiences I agree totally with that article. I have lifelong friends that I love to bits but there is a HUGE amount of "oneupmanship" within our group that has been evident to me for years. Most women want to have the best 18th/21st birthday parties, the competition with weddings is unreal and the who'll get pregnant first is unreal. Like a marathon with a finish line. I don't see any of this with men - except the having a family bit which does mean something to men, but can be egotistical in some ways. The comparison between women with trivial stuff like clothes, handbags, style seems neverending. The relaxed relationships that men appear to have where jealousy and comparing one to another doesn't exist to the same extent, seem so much easier. Even in popularised "women power" shows - such as SATC it's the women who worry, make sacrifices and question their life choices constantly. There isn't any power there as far as I can see. I live my life the way I like it. I am not the mirror image of women portrayed in OK magazine, nothing I do is perfect but I am happy and fingers crossed I will begin my family soon and when I do I will do it my way and not listen or let others influence my decisions just because of my sex. As I said this is in my personal experiences with my friends. Sorry for the essay :-8
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
Women are far more judgemental of peoples parenting style, lifestyle choices etc. I find some attitudes very soul destroying. I laugh at the concept of sisterhood. You see this supposed 'sisterhood' every Saturday night with a blubbering girl crying because her friends ditched her or her 'bestfriend' just snogged her boyfriend or a guy she really 'loved'.
lux Posts: 6270
[quote="MrsDodders":3f5cxo5v]Women are far more judgemental of peoples parenting style, lifestyle choices etc.[/quote:3f5cxo5v] This is sooooo true. I see it with my mum and one of her sisters who are constantly criticising the SIL I referred to. They think her kids don't come first, that she's too "career minded" and selfish-I never hear them saying this about any man who works long hours and I never hear men judge eachother on things like that. I also notice the one-upmanship. In my gang I was the first to buy a house, straight after college. I had to listen to so much cr*p from some friends about how I was mad, I'd be stuck with it forever, I wouldn't handle the mortgage etc-all of whom went on to buy their own houses and then kept going on about how it was the right decision. Likewise, I lost a friend when I started going out with OH. She was in a meh relationship, always cancelling plans at the last minute and never happy for me. In hindsight, I think she liked the fact I was the perpetually single friend she could go clubbing and be "crazy" with but when I moved into a different phase of life (ie wanting to settle down and get married) she didn't want to know. Men don't seem to have those "conditions" attatched to friends.
GreenerPastures Posts: 7284
Yep, some women seem to feel very threatened when a friend moves on. My sister lost two friends after the LC that she considered herself very close to. They had been grungers together and had a great laugh. They somehow felt betrayed when she did well in her LC and went on to college. She had a laugh but she had also studied, she never made a secret of it but lo and behold when the reality set in that they had wasted all of 6th year they lashed out at her.