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Galwaybaby001 Posts: 9
Hi everybody, I'm in serious need of your words of wisdom and advice. I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with my first child. My partner got a job in Spain this week and has moved back there (he's Spanish). Now I'm left with the decision to have the baby in Ireland without him or have the baby in Spain with him but without anybody else got support and not knowing the language or system. At first it may seem like a no brainer and I should have the baby here but it's not that simple. I was teetering on depression previous to all of this and now I'm a full blown mess. The stress Without him has meant that I can eat, sleep, I'm getting sick and have diarrhoea. My whole world is upside down. And now my mother is putting pressure on me to stay and basically thinks if I go I'm depriving her of having special moments with the baby. My mother would be an amazing support to me after the birth and in Spain I'll be on my own until my partner gets home from work. We are extremely close and I hate to be away from him at all. He's the only person who can keep me calm and I worry that I'll completely fall apart without him. And did I mention I have to decide in less than a week? Because I won't be able to fly once I go past 36 weeks. The hospital in Spain is sorted and I have no concerns over the costs or medical treatment so that's not an issue. I need unbiased advice which is why I'm counting on you guys. Please tell me what you think I should do or if there is some angle I haven't thought of. Thanks in advance!
whereland Posts: 472
Will you be moving to Spain regardless of where you give birth or are you thinking of living in different countries indefinitely? No one on the Internet can tell you what to do but if it were me I'd want to be with my husband
esla2016 Posts: 214
Could your mother join you for a week or so around the birth? Also, can he not come to Ireland for 2 weeks around the brith on paternity leave? How is your Spanish to deal with the hospital during the birth. Depriving your husband of being at the birth / the special moments would concern me more than depriving your mother. Overall tho if you are unwell without him, I would go. This time is hard enough without being without your main support / person that keeps you sane. you have to go with your gut on this one, make a decision for yourself, not other people.
Galwaybaby001 Posts: 9
We planned that by next September we would be moving to Spain but I wasn't ready to move pre baby. I have zero Spanish but my partner would be with me in the hospital at all times. He won't be able to take paternity leave as he just started the job and is covering somebody on maternity leave. Being in Spain just means I'll be on my own during the day for the pregnancy and without a car potentially for a month. There will be somebody in the house in case I need to get to the hospital but nobody with English
Conormammy Posts: 404
Thats a very difficult position to be in. What does your husband want?? I couldn't imagine having gone through it without my husband by my side but after the birth it is also a time where you would need home comforts and if your husband will be working all day and you are alone with a newborn.. no car no family, i'd find that incredibly tough. I feel for you, i really do. If it were me i would get your husband to fly home when your due/in labor (1st birth's don't go that fast usually) in the hopes that he would make the birth or see his baby asap.. then you could have your mother who will be invaluable to you ( with knowledge/care) after the birth. I would plan on joining my husband after the 1st few weeks though its a time he will not want to miss xx hth I just wanted to add that it is really important that you and your husband are equally happy with your decision . Best of luck
Smallensmall Posts: 139
Sorry to be going down what might be a negative approach but have you considered the implications of your child not being born in Ireland? If you were to split up with your partner and your child was born in Spain taking that child back to Ireland could be difficult.in the horrible event of a break up You might find yourself having to stay in Spain to allow visitation when you'd much rather be at home with your family. I know this isn't really what you are asking but it just might be something to bear in mind. Your message just jumped out to me because I have a friend going through this very situation, and it's looking like she will have to move back to Spain with her daughter.
JJ100 Posts: 43
Hi GalwayBaby, didn't want to read your post and not respond. Firstly I think you should disregard the comment made about legal implications if you split with your husband. I don't think they are very helpful especially if you are starting to feel a little down and unwell. I hope that you are feeling better now. I think you're the only one who knows what is best for you. But if you're looking for opinions then I think you should be with your husband and as OP said, ask your Mum (or other close friend/family) to come to Spain for a few weeks after the baby is born for that additional support you might need. A close friend of mine had her Mum go to Belgium for a few weeks after the birth of both her kids. I know it all happened very quickly but as you say, you were already planning on moving to Spain next year then . But I think it's down to you and your husband to make the decision together never mind what other people (including your Mum) says. I wish you all the best and hope everything goes well with the baby x
galwaygirl2010 Posts: 2447
I would look at the logistical options - how practical is it for your mom to come to Spain for the first couple of weeks / month until you get used to baby or for your partner to fly home for birth and / or at weekends until you fell more confident looking after baby alone during the day? After I had my LO, I had lost quiet a bit of blood and my blood pressure was very low for a couple of weeks and even standing up made me faint and then I had a second hemorrage and ended up in hospital again. So looking after LO wasn't easy physically but luckily DH had 2 weeks off from work and my mom was around to help. Also, having a breastfeeding group or new mothers group is also a great support which you may not have in Spain due to the language barrier. My first thoughts were maybe have the baby here where you would have day long support, but you do seem very upset being away from your partner so maybe having him with your for half of the day is better for you than not having him around at all?