Would really appreciate your opinion on this situation

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miss sixty Posts: 467
Good morning ladies! Some of you may have seen my BFP announcement yesterday. Again thank you for all the kind words of support :thnk Now I have a slightly delicate situation and Im not sure how we should handle it. Let me sketch you a picture of it for a moment....... My SIL started TTC in May of this year, she told us right away and naturally we were thrilled for her. We started TTC in June after our wedding but we choose not to tell her. I know it sounds awful but we just know her well enough to know she would have blabbed it to MIL! Anyways 4 months passed and she was becoming literally obsessed with TTC, always coming to me to vent her fears of never getting pregnant or that maybe she has fertility isues. Its hard for me to put it across just how stressed out she was (and still is). I mentioned that I heard of a great book TCOYF and she bought it straight away (bear in mind she still doesnt know we are TTC also). She was delighted cos it gave her some sort of "control" as she put it over the situation. Thats the thing, she just has to be in control of everything in life.....not putting her down, thats her personality and she is a nice girl! So she starts charting and then gets freaked out at everything, from short leutal phases to hormone problems to ovary problemd etc etc She was so stressed out by month 4 I told her we are also TTc and there has been nothing happening for us either.........I thought that might relax her knowing she wasnt the only one. It didnt. I think it put even more pressure on her to concieve IYKWIM. She even said to me "whichever of us gets pregnant first wont it be awful for the other" to which my reply was: "I will be thrilled for you if you get there first and its not a competition girl!" She calls over a rew nights a week and its all baby talk and charting talk. She is well aware of my cycle and knows I should have AF today or yesterday. She asked me last night did I get AF and I said yes :-8 Hate hate hate lying to her and I feel so guilty (hubby says sod her!) What would you guys do if you were me? Would you continue filling in false charts (she will ask to see them as we have been swapping back and fro for opinions) and just let her have a few more cycles thinking Im not pregnant or would you be moral and not lie to her about it? Im so afraid it will crush her but then Im mad cos its a wonderful time for me.........please please girls any advice welcome. And thanks if you got this far, its a long post.....sorry.
bellabella Posts: 2750
OK, you came to the right place. NOw here's my story.So myself and sil were ttcing at the same time she was driving me nuts going on and on do not get me wrong we are friends. She was asking me every month any news? O:| O:| O:| . So even when i was late i said i got them, Anyway as you know my twin rand me she was 6 weeks pregnant eventhough she had told me she got her af. I completely understood why she lied. She wanted to be sure. I was so happy they got a bfp but thats just me. NOw she is still breaking my balls asking me all the time so i toold her i was not ttcing anymore. So miss sixty, I think you should tell a white lie and say ' my god do you remember i said i got my af well it stopped after a few hours and i tested and got a bfp' If she is not happy for you feck it, its only because she is probably a bit jealous and maybe sad.She will come around. I am like you i would and was happy for my sil but not everyone is the same. good luck and do not stress about this xxxxxxxxxxx
charlie crown Posts: 377
First of all congratualtions, I wasn't online yesterday so jusy catchin up, it's so positive around here these days with all the bfps. Regarding your situation it's difficult to know what advice to give you. On one hand if you tell her now, it might actually ease some of the pressure she is putting on herself, by taking that competitve element away. Also it's going to be difficult for you to keep up the pretense, and how will she feel about your deciet when she does find out? I think it might be better all round to tell her. On the other hand I know you may not want to tell anyone yet and that should be your decision. Maybe you could just say that you're taking a break from charting for a while to get out of that with her? Best of luck with whatever you decide :wv
Sphynx Posts: 6795
oh dear you are in a really tight spot there! We are dreading telling 2 SILs plus one cousin (provided the first scan goes well) as they have all been trying unsuccessfully for years to conceive and then it happened straight away for us. We will probably ask MIL for advice and she may well speak to them first. It's totally different for you and because you're so intimately involved with SIL and have been going through the whole process together. I think you are going to have to tell her the truth. She sounds like the kind of person who could really lose the head with you if she finds out you weren't honest with her when she finds out. I think it's going to be really difficult and awkward but if I were you I would want to get it over and done with asap so that you don't have to go through the whole charade of charting together. Maybe tell her as a couple so that you have a bit of support and backup (though that might be harder on her). The alternative would be to tell her another lie but just a once-off one, i.e. that you're deciding to take a different approach to TTC and forgetting about charting for a few months so that at least you don't have to lie to her on a daily basis until you break your news. Good luck with it!
andypandy28 Posts: 553
I would tell her and give her time to get used to it. Its not your fault you were first. Swear her to secrecy. Be happy for your self, but dont lie to her, it will make it worse.
notlongtogo Posts: 5040
Hi Miss Sixty, first congrats on the BFP, you must be thrilled. :o)ll As regards sil, i havent been in that situtation, but if i was i would probably not tell her for another few weeks. I would hate to blatantly lie to someone to their face so next time she wants to call around i would say i was busy/not there,etc. I wouldnt advise you to keep talking to her about it, charting and so on. Maybe avoid her for a few weeks and then tell her. Sorry advice is probably s**t its a difficult situation. Best of luck with it and dont let it take from your excitement.
Mrs Lucy06 Posts: 929
Hi Miss Sixty, this is a delicate situation, but my opinion would be to tell her the truth, it will give her time to get over it, she may be annoyed but its not a competition, and you are over the moon with your news so you shouldn't have to hide it from her!! HTH Lucy :xox
miss sixty Posts: 467
The only problem about swearing her to secrecy is that she will not hold it from MIL as they are very very close. Kinda fearful of something going wrong. Then as well as that Im afraid people will think Im bonkers announcing it this early!!!!!!! Shit wish I had not told her about us TTC in the first place. We know that if she is told then it has to be announced to family straight away as we would rather take the liberty ourselves rather than risk her leaking it >:o(
Ducky Posts: 2506
If you don't want people knowing this early, then lie and just say that you've decided to stop charting and just relax and go with the flow. You might suggest she does the same... you can always say later that you didn't want to tell anyone until after the scan etc. Those lies are allowed!! Sounds like she needs a break from all this charting etc...easy for me to say I know, but sometimes BFPs come along when you're really not thinking about it! I was dreading telling a close cousin, who has been trying for 3 years and suffered several MCs, but although she was upset at first, she was delighted for me and am so glad I don't have to tip-toe around her. When you do decide to come clean, I hope she is as supportive. A baby is fantastic news, why should you feel guilty?
Mrs Lucy06 Posts: 929
Miss sixty if you think she will blab to family don't tell her, you and your hubby should be the ones to do that when the time is right!!! HTH Lucy