[quote="Sugar and Spice!":wgjzzvos][quote:wgjzzvos]When I asked her she took a week to "think" about it and then she came back and said no and she sprouted a load of cr*p about me and H2B and how we didnt know eack othr long enough(6yrs) too young to be married(25 & 30) and plenty of other stuff that she had never said before. Both me and H2B are shocked[/quote:wgjzzvos]
[quote="Twix":2pn9h5lu]A fairly close friend of mine asked me yesterday but knows I dont really want to be cos the last 2 times I was a bridesmaid everything was a total disaster and I just basically didn't enjoy it. Its nothing personal at all would just enjoy her day way more if i wasn't bridemaid thats all. Is it not better to be honest than to be one of those bridesmaids who just doesn;t want to be one??? All opinions welcome girls, ( I swear Im not a selfish person:()[/quote:2pn9h5lu]
If you sit her down and explain exactly how you feel then she shouldnt be insulted. Im sure she would want you to enjoy the day just as much
Twix if you don't want to do it I would tell her that the last couple of times you;ve done it you haven't enjoyed it at all and that you'll be there to help her and support her along the way and you don't mean it as an insult but you'd prefer not to do it.
or you could always use the line always the bridesmaid etc etc
If you have been bridesmaid twice before and this friend is a friend of the previous 2 brides then I can see how she might be insulted by a refusal ...
the whole "she was happy to be bridesmaid for x and y - what's wrong with me?..."
On the other hand if she is a close friend and you share your reasons with her in a calm friendly way (which are not selfish - no bride wants her day to be a "disaster"!) . Maybe point out that you are more than willing to help in any way you can...
Not sure what I would do though...
[quote:27xgtyd2]A fairly close friend of mine asked me yesterday but knows I dont really want to be cos the last 2 times I was a bridesmaid everything was a total disaster and I just basically didn't enjoy it. Its nothing personal at all would just enjoy her day way more if i wasn't bridemaid thats all. Is it not better to be honest than to be one of those bridesmaids who just doesn;t want to be one??? All opinions welcome girls, ( I swear Im not a selfish person:()[/quote:27xgtyd2]
Difficult decision here Twix (you are making me crave one by the way - a twix that is
Twix i would have loved a friend of mine to be my BM, but she had said to me a few months b4 i got enagaged that she had been BM for the last 3 weddinsg she went to (she is a lovely popular girl) and she just wanted to relax at them.
So i didnt ask her cos i knew she would feel under pressure to say yes and it was abroad and her bf wouldnt know anyone and i knew she would prefer to relax and enjoy it and spend the day with him.
I asked my sis and she said no cos she would have a 10 month old baby then, i was very upset but said nothing, she then changed her mind a few months later and asked me could she do it, i said yes and i was sorry she did cos i barely saw her all day she had no interest in it at all.
Does your friend have anyone else close to ask, if not id just do it, if she does then explain to her how you feel.
sounds to me that she is jealous too, but dont worry you are not alone!!!!
my fsil is the very same, she has totally cut herself off from her brother+me even though we have always been good to her, she never came to our house when we moved in, we here nearly 2 year and she still hasnt seen it! its gone so bad that she will not be invited to our wedding if things do not change in the next few months
dont be to hurt over this, believe me people like her are not worth your tears.. god knows i cried enough over mine but it got me no where..
Thanks to you all for your advice
Ya I mean i think there are other she could ask. The thing is im completely honoured that she has chosen me but dont want to spend the next year dreading it and not feeling like putting my "all" into it as well as that she is from a different circle of friends that my "home" or college friends so me and other half wont know anyone else there. He will be like a right plank on his own the day of the wedding!! Am totally torn.. keep telling myself not to be making a big deal and just do it but honestly girls my heart isn't in it and would love to enjoy the day as a guest and not a bridesmaid like the past 2 weddings i've been to. Will have a chat to her tonight and see what we come up with.
Never even thought of the whole "3 times a bridesmaid never a bride" thing!!!!
I know its a bit cringy but she might accept that rather then you not wanting to do it. But i would explain that you'll be there to help her out whenever she needs it she'll appreciate it
Think i will just bring it out in the open and have a good honest chat about it.
could never use that Bubblez, she know's I wouldn't be the type to stress about not getting married cos of some silly superstition!! Unless I pretend im getting sentimental in my old age
[quote:34v21uc2]But i would explain that you'll be there to help her out whenever she needs it she'll appreciate it[/quote:34v21uc2]
I think this is the most important point to get across. Make sure she know's you are not abandoning her full stop but that you would love to help with the build up and preparation - just not as bm on the day.. Also point out the fact that your other half will be on his tod on the day if you are a bm, maybe she hasn't thought of that.
Good luck, hope the chat goes well. Let us know how you get on.