There’s so much to do, so much to think about. The list of things for your big day seems to grow and grow. A mini catalogue of all the essential ingredients begin to take shape, but don’t forget about the not so obvious, but equally important, law of wedding etiquette.
Planning
First on the list is the etiquette regarding the planning of your wedding. Not everybody is bosom buddies with their in-laws, who may want input into the planning of your day. It’s an awkward situation to find your mother-in-law-to-be inviting neighbours and booking bands when you have got plenty of ideas of your own.
There is an easy way to deal with this without losing face or breathing fire and that is to simply delegate some tasks from the very beginning. As soon as you start planning, give potentially meddlesome, but well-meaning guests, a job to take care of.
A firm but polite announcement early in the wedding planning stages saying that you and your fiancé will be making the decisions on invites, should put a stop to any tension or awkwardness.
Brides, be considerate of family politics. Sometimes the boring aunt and uncle that nobody likes simply must be invited for the sake of family peace.
Etiquette is more than just ‘good manners’, it’s a code of conduct for how things should and should not be done. Fortunately, this is the 21st century and what used to be hard and fast rules on how to behave has morphed into generally accepted guidelines.
No doubt, you will have witnessed a wedding etiquette ‘boo boo’ in the past. Stories go round about the girl who wore a white dress to her friend’s wedding (a big no no!) or the bride who got so drunk she told her in-laws exactly what she thought of them or the groom who forgot to mention how beautiful the bride looks in his speech.
There is no getting away from the fact that etiquette is a big thing at weddings so here are a few ideas to guide you in the right direction to keep wagging fingers and gossipy tongues at bay.
Civil wars and family feuds have begun and ended at the guest list stage of planning a wedding, so get your two pence worth in early to avoid hurt feelings or animosity.
Seating Plans
Guest lists lead into another tricky area which requires certain etiquette – seating plans. This is a crucial phase and is something everyone will want to chip in on. You really cannot please everyone, but you do want all your guests to be comfortable and happy with whom they are sitting with. The obvious faux pas is seating people who will never get along beside each other.
The strategy for a seating plan commonly falls into two categories. The first is the one that seats people who have never met together in the hope that they will mix and mingle.
The second is a strategy that only seats like with like. In other words, guests sit with other guests they know. Ask yourself which would you prefer and that will tell you which camp to fall into.
Manner of the Bride
Hands down the most important thing a bride can do on her wedding day is to enjoy herself.
Sounds silly, but you would be amazed at the amount of stories about brides turning nasty or stressing out so much they lose control of themselves. Remember that all the attention is on you, the bride, and if you are having a terrible time, and telling everyone about it, chances are your guests will have a terrible time as well.
Try your best not to throw tantrums or fall down into your white dress crying when something goes wrong. The best etiquette lesson a bride can follow on her wedding day is to rise above any minor issues that come up and keep smiling.
As the night wears on and you find yourself with a few too many drinks and a lot of guests to mingle with, the best modus operandi is to be short and sweet. Try to speak to everyone at least once and assign your nearest and dearest to take charge of making sure everyone is looked after.
Relinquishing responsibilities is advisable, remember, you’re not superhuman and you can’t do everything yourself, no matter what you may think.
Proper etiquette at a wedding is not everything, but paying attention to small details could save you a lot of hassle and make sure you have fun and enjoy yourself. After all that planning and hard work, you deserve it!
Dos and Don’ts for the Bride
Do
- Let others have their say.
- Remember it’s your wedding. You and your fiancé will always have the final say.
- Set the tone early for the type of wedding you want.
- Hand over some responsibilities to avoid stress.
- Make sure you let yourself enjoy the big day.
Don’t
- Throw tantrums.
- Adopt a ‘my way or the highway’ approach.
- Flare from the nostrils when the flowers are an inch out of place.
- Get drunk and tell people you didn’t want to invite them in the first place.
- Collapse into a mass of sobs if things don’t go perfectly.
Dos and Don’ts for the Wedding Guest
Do
- Reply by the RSVP date.
- Offer to help the bride in any way you can.
- Listen to the bride when she’s about to crack.
- Talk politely for 10 minutes to guests at your table.
- Tell the bride and groom what a wonderful time you had.
Don’t
- Tell the bride that your wedding was way better.
- Bring any uninvited guests. Always check the ‘plus one’ situation.
- Ignore everyone at your table even if you don’t know them.
- Get so drunk you make a holy show of yourself.
- And last but not least, do NOT wear white to a wedding.
Main Image Elizabeth Messina
By Lisa Tierney-Keogh
