We completely understand it – sometimes plans change! There are several very reasonable instances where a guest can’t attend a wedding. But being a no-show is simply not an option. We’re not just talking about the price of your meal, but all the other costs associated with your spot at the wedding.
So what should a guest do if they can’t attend a wedding? Check this out:
Talk to the person gathering RSVPs
In some instances, there is a person other than the couple gathering all the RSVPs. If this is the case, first reach out to this person and make them aware of your change of attendance.
Depending on your relationship with the couple, you may not need to reach out to them at all. Only you will know what’s appropriate here.
Chat to the couple
How you do this will depend on your relationship and close it is to the Big Day. If it’s a few weeks out, they’ll have plenty of time to chat and make other plans. If it’s the week of the wedding or even the wedding day, it may be more appropriate not to talk to them about this at all.
Some relationships warrant a conversations, no matter how close it is to the wedding day. In this case, pick up the phone!
If you can’t get hold of the couple (completely understandable if it’s really close to the wedding), then reach out to a close family member to see if the message got across.
Choose your language very carefully
While communicating, you want to make sure it’s understood that your reason for no longer attending the wedding is valid and outside of your control. You don’t have to provide all the details, because this isn’t really about it, so find the right balance.
End your message on a positive note by congratulating the couple.
Here’s an idea of what you could say:
Hi [names]
We are sadly reaching out to you to let you know that we need to change our RSVP to your wedding as unfortunately we can no longer attend. My father is in hospital, which means we will have to miss your wedding day.
We can’t begin to express how sorry we are that we can’t attend and that we are only able to let you know this at the last minute. We know the timing is less than ideal and we send our deepest apologies.
A big congratulations to you both! We know the wedding is going to be incredible and we can’t wait to celebrate with you another time!
Send a gift
It’s considered polite to still send a wedding gift, even if you are no longer able to attend the wedding.
This gesture will demonstrate to the couple that you had every intention of attending their wedding before your plans changed, and this will go a long way towards keeping the relationship positive.
Follow up
A week or so after the wedding (but no sooner than 48 hours after), get in touch with the couple. You could text or call, but the point here is to extend your best wishes and to reiterate how sad you were to miss the wedding.
This is also a good time to start making those plans you alluded to in your message earlier. Ask if you can host them for a celebratory dinner!
