Antenatal classes - with or without DH?

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mrs.smiffy Posts: 1747
Hi girls, Dh always said he would go with me to all antenatal classes. I know that they have it on the most awkward time at all - during the day from 1 - 3pm on a Friday. We could have gone to a private one but just can't afford it. DH is a chef and Fridays is usually their busiest day of the week from 9am - 10pm! He only has 2 chefs working for him who are now both back at college, so they won't be able to work during the day. He has already asked a guy from a different branch if he could cover him but he doesn't know if he gets those days off - in order to cover DH. So it seems that (unless DH gets another job in the meantime) I might have to go on my own to the antenatal classes. He knows how disappointed I am and he's sorry about the whole situation but I think he should be there to learn something too and to support me. I know it's not up to him to make the decision about it. Was just wondering how you think about it and if you took or will take your DH with you to the classes or not???
Anonymous Posts: 24542
My ante-natal classes ran for three sessions. DH came to the first and last one, but not the second one. He's [b:356cwvwf]really[/b:356cwvwf] squeamish and we knew that all the gory details would be a bit too much to handle (even if someone talks about blood and body parts he goes as white as a sheet and gets dizzy!) It was grand when he wasn't there. I wasn't the only one on my own, and I didn't have to worry about him passing out in class. :o0 Your DH is entitled to take paid time off work to attend two ante-natal classes. See here:
mrs.smiffy Posts: 1747
thanks Ditz, have to check out if thats the same in the UK. The problem is that if no one can cover DH on that day (would even be only half a day as he could be in work for 5pm) he has to work as he's not allowed to close the kitchen/restaurant part of the bar down. :o(
Anonymous Posts: 24542
D'oh! Never copped your location. :-8 If it is the same, though, and he's entitled to it, surely the onus would be on his employer to sort it out, rather than the responsibility falling to him? Then again, what employers [b:30cb4bi4]should[/b:30cb4bi4] do and what they [b:30cb4bi4]actually[/b:30cb4bi4] do don't always seem to be the same thing, do they? >:o(
mrs.smiffy Posts: 1747
its up to him to sort it out - he's the kitchenmanager (but not paid for it). But having said, he's still not allowed to decide on closing the kitchen... this bar-company is paying their staff so badly that in all the branches are hardly more than 2 chefs to cover the kitchen 7days a week. Dh works between 70 - 80hrs a week. >:o(
alton Posts: 3077
Hi Mrs S! My DH isn't coming to the ante-natal classes either and I think that there are pros and cons to the situation. I know a few fellas who felt like spare parts at the classes and I've got the impression that some of the midwives kind of exclude and sideline the men. To be honest, that's something I'm trying to avoid. On the otherhand, whenever I try and tell DH about how I'm feeling (rephrase: whenever I need a good moan) I think he thinks that I'm somehow blaming him, whereas when he hears about pregnancy problems from another person (preferably one in a white coat) he's so much more sympathetic. I try and bring him along to some of the antenatal appointments. We did a gentlebirth course together which was great because I knew that part of the emphasis on the course is getting the partners involved and letting them know how to be supportive during labour. And the difference in DH's attitude before and after was amazing, especially considering how much he wanted to be supportive all along. Actually, it made me seriously question my ability to communicate with him at all :o0 so I wonder if he would get as much out of the hospital antenatal classes too. This is one of those rambling posts where I don't actually say anything useful :wv But I hope you get something sorted out that suits you.
lovebug997 Posts: 4034
Mrs Smiffy, we did the private class in one day so not really the same thing but h2b was SO glad that he did it! I was too! I have a childcare qualification and have minded newborns before so I did already know a fair bit of what we covered in the class but it was brilliant for him! He really learned loads and have heard him telling other people about things that he heard that day! It's very funny sometimes! I also think that the midwives we had on the day were brilliant! There was no real gorey bits as such but they did tell us what to expect during the labour and what babs will be like when it's born first! Think this will help h2b NOT to pass out cos he kindof knows what's coming now! I'd try and get him to at least one of the classes so that he has SOME idea what's going to happen!
The PDQ Posts: 954
[quote="bride-2b":bbnfkt17]Mrs Smiffy, we did the private class in one day so not really the same thing but h2b was SO glad that he did it! I was too! I have a childcare qualification and have minded newborns before so I did already know a fair bit of what we covered in the class but it was brilliant for him! He really learned loads and have heard him telling other people about things that he heard that day! It's very funny sometimes! I also think that the midwives we had on the day were brilliant! There was no real gorey bits as such but they did tell us what to expect during the labour and what babs will be like when it's born first! Think this will help h2b NOT to pass out cos he kindof knows what's coming now! I'd try and get him to at least one of the classes so that he has SOME idea what's going to happen![/quote:bbnfkt17] Ooo I'm glad to hear this. We have a private one booked in October and I have been wondering what it will be like for H.
mrs.smiffy Posts: 1747
thanks girls. I really want him to come with me - so he knows whats going to happen or what could happen. He's really keen on going too. I know I'm at his back now to get these days sorted. He was asked by his manager to work behind the bar after he finished work in the kitchen yesterday and he agreed as we need the extra money and he just phoned me that he got asked to do the same today, which I'm not happy about, since we wanted to get so much done on his day off tomorrow. Anyway, I said why are you helping them out if they don't even help you out for those 4 Fridays and he said there might be a few who could come and help him... yeah - might.... :o( girls, please cross your fingers for me that he at least gets some of the days off. Ideally the first one anyway so he can find out which days are important for him to come.
chocbiscuitcake Posts: 658
How about finding out for sure the legal situation? If you find that the employer must let him have time off for the classes, maybe he could approach the employer and say that he understands that it is very difficult for him to have the Friday afternoons off, and ask the employer to pay for the cost of a private day-long course instead?
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