this was pretty much what I posted earlier.
I love my son to absolute bits, but just do not feel like a mother. Even when I talk to him during the day and refer to myself as mammy, it feels like I'm talking about someone else. Its like I'm waiting for someone to come and pick him up in the evenings and bring him home to his real mammy.
I wouldn't be without him for the world, but just can't shake the feeling that someone else would do a better job, that I'm no good at looking after him, that he'd be happier without me around. His dad is so fantastic with him, I feel like a fraud.
I feel absolutely worthless and completely lost.
Hey JFF, have no fear. Lots of people feel like that.
I will PM you seeing as you have deleted your post but I think you should repost...honestly.
Today was just slow for replies!
I didn't feel that way with my first but I did with my second.
deleted post as I started to think it was just me. don't think I can post again. that was draft number 50 and even now I feel stupid for posting it. Just having a very down day.
I didn't see your original post but I hope that you are okay.. You mentioned you are having a down day.. I have these a lot too (see my post titled 'feeling stressed'..
Hope you feel better soon!! And post your message again.. we will support you- it is just very quiet around here today!!
) I feel sometimes my life is not my own anymore not that I would change it for the world but I'm a very independent person and loved doing stuff on the spur of the moment and that's all over for now.
I remember a friend of my said it took her a long time to accept the baby was hers and kept feeling someone was going to call to the door and take him back. Another friend told me it wasn't until her second child that she accepted (in her head) that she was a mum.
Hi JFF, I don't think you're alone at all. I can't believe DS is mine sometimes either. I think to myself when did I grow up and become a wife and mother? Seems like only yesterday I was in school and getting married and having babies was something you did when you got old. (guess I must be old
I felt lost when i brought my DS home, and for the 1st year really. I felt that i HAD to look after him, it was my DUTY but didnt feel all the love and positive feelings everyone else APPEARED to be feeling. Later found out that many people were just as lost as me, each in their own way, but they were hiding it well.
Its a huge change in your life. Nothing prepares you for being a mammy for the 1st time and it takes a long time to feel like you deserve the title. Would you consider going to a counsellor to talk about how you feel. It can really help just to talk to someone who doesnt judge or question you.
Everyone had bad days and days when they really want to pull their hair out, but if you feel like this most of the time its possible that you have Post natal depression. Maybe have a chat with your public health nurse or doctor or even a close friend.
Or you can PM me if you like.
***** BIG HUGS ****
Don't really know what to say but I wanted to say that I admire you for posting such an honest post. I have no doubts that you are not the first or the last mum to feel exactly as you do. Every good mum has doubts about their own ability, but if you feel like this a lot then it might be good for you to speak to somebody about it.
Glad you reposted JFF....
My sister said she didn't feel like her DS's mother for about his first 9 months. She's prone to stress generally and he was a very cranky baby. She never got any help as far as I know in terms of counselling but maybe it would have helped her. She was so stressed she couldn't read a book till he was a year old and she was always reading before that.
Baby massage is always cited as being good for bonding, so is carrying your baby in a carrier or sling. I haven't done the baby massage as DD is too wriggly now but I started carrying her in a sling at 5 months and I find I'm enjoying motherhood [i:2qdrwkhr]alot[/i:2qdrwkhr] more since as I can get out and about almost like before and she's so content in it. If she's in bad form at home too I can just pop her in and do the vacuuming or head out for a walk and it does us both good. You can borrow some from the Attachment Parenting Ireland sling library to have a go before buying any.
JFF, just note that we are all here for you - you are doing a great job for him, just by loving him, remember no-one can do as good a job for a baby as it's mother - i havent felt that kind of uncertainty towards my two -i surprised myself when i had my dd1 how i took to it and i still had days with her, and new baby where i felt i wasnt doing my best for them, so you are not alone - we all have bad days!!