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clucky Posts: 26471
My mother in law just emailed me this (she is the only one we told) im in flitters here I never thought I'd see any light in the darkness weighing upon my shoulders. Like a cloak I wear it day and night- my dream-baby, nowhere in sight. The days all blend into each other. There are times I fear I'll smother, in the grief, the pain so deep it stings. I plead for help, God's offerings. My tears fall in the quiet times, when nobody's looking and the moment is mine. Where is the light, the newness of day? Will I always feel this way? The emptiness grows while my baby does not. Is this the toughest that life's got? To me it certainly feels that way, as I simply try to get through the day. Down and down, spiraling I go. When will it stop? Does anyone know? A moment of stillness, a moment sans tears. A moment of faith, instead of fears. Suddenly a connection, to what I don't know, has calmed my breathing and caused me to grow. The pain is still there, but somehow I'm okay. Is this the promise of a new day? Is the the light I've heard about? Could this be the answers to the questions I shout? Where are you, God? Please help me! My baby is gone and I no longer can see- any joy in this world, it's wrought with pain. Seems all is lost with nothing to gain. Yet now, as I sit in silent contemplation- thinking of my baby in the Heavenly station. I realize I will never know why, or how, or anything about why my baby died. But I know, yes I know, my baby's on the other side. And this is the thing I heard one night- when I searched in the darkness and finally found light.
*bubblez* Posts: 1599
Clucky thats lovely i'm in tears here cos it explains exactly how I felt when going thru it all... I hope ur ok hon, ur in my thoughts xx
Moet for me Posts: 1841
That was so lovely of your MIL to send clucky just to let you know that she is feeling some of your pain, it is very hard for parents to see that type of disappointment in their children I know my mother was so gutted for my sister last year. Just to say as an aside I am very sorry for you too Clucky I can't imagine how things are so I don't want to make any other comments but I am so sorry.
rock-n-roll-wife Posts: 6579
aww sweetie thats gorgeous, how thoughtful of her, hope you're doing ok and yourself and hubby are looking after each other. xx kim xx
Sinead78 Posts: 139
Clucky That is lovely. We lost our little boy on 14th March and it is not getting any easier. I was 20 weeks gone when they discovered no heart beat, They had scanned me at 17 weeks and found a mass of fluid in his abdomen so when I went back at 20 weeks they told me he had died. The hardest was to have to give birth and have nothing the the end. we then buried him in a baby plot which is nice for us to go and see . There is no way I would have got through it only for my DH. I went back to work last week and it was extremely dificult. I just hope it gets easier soon Thanks Sinead
july7812 Posts: 1787
Oh clucky - that is lovely and also has me in tears. I have lost 4 little angels - my last little angel left me at 11 wks on 26th Feb this year - Im still not over it & think about my little angel everyday. Thanks for sharing that with us.
Sphynx Posts: 6795
Clucky that's lovely. You must have a very thoughtful mother-in-law. Sinead your story is incredibly sad. 20 week scan is our big marker after having a m/c at 16 weeks last time. It's frightening to know things can go wrong even at that stage - I hope one day we will be granted some understanding as to why these sad sad things have to happen. Have any of you looked at this presentation? http://www.ispokewithmychild.com/ I found it incredibly comforting (but extremely sad - do not view at work or in public). If you don't believe in God or heaven it probably wouldn't help much but I found it really spoke to me and I'm not an overly religious person though I do believe in God and I believe our angels are in heaven waiting for us.
Princess Cinders Posts: 11475
Wow, got a shiver when reading that, it is lovely and you have a very caring MIL to send you that, sending {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}} to all m/c survivors
Tigletts Posts: 2904
Girls my heart goes out to each of you who have lost your little babies, I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. It's all so very fragile. Just to say I suppose that I'm thinking of each one of you. :thnk :xxx
mad woman Posts: 22106
thats soo sweet, ive tears in my eyes here :o(