Groomsman and bridesmaid

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fljl08 Posts: 70
I dont really know where I should be posting this but I need to get this out..... my self and h2b went out with our gm last friday night and in the process of conversation he said he is going to peru on the day of our wedding for a month!!! it wouldnt bother me as much but we asked him 2yrs ago to be apart of our day as h2b has known him for the last 15 yrs O:| O:| O:| now with four and a bit months to go he tells us this and his general attidude is life is full of concidences and its not the end of the world BUT I am v pi**d off with him over this. He has no concept of how important this day is to us And my bridesmaid isnt doing much better to cut a long story short she has refused to come to my hen night as she cant afford it ( she is living in Edinbourgh) which was fair enough but then she rang me last week to say she wouldnt be coming over for any dress fittings and could I send her the dress to get altered in ed and that she has booked her wedding in edinburgh for 3 weeks after ours and we are not invited I really feel like no one cares about our day and I just feel really down over it all :o( ;o(
jen0808 Posts: 1076
Awwww sorry I don't really know what to say :o( Have a virtual hug (((((( )))))))
Betsy May Posts: 2168
I can understand your disappointment but unfortunately the anticipation of your wedding day is never as exciting to other people as it is to you, so, no, he probably doesn't have any concept of how important it is to you. And different people do take different views on how important the groomsman role is, for example, my FSIL only asked my H2B to be a groomsman on the morning of the wedding and suits etc were never mentioned. If the chance came up for this amazing trip, and he is a young and single guy, of course he took it over one day as a groomsman. The bridesmaid situation is a bit more worrying. I can understand her not be able to afford some of the travel but not even inviting you to her day?? Is she having immediate family only? Or are you truly not that close? If you were expecting more support from your BM, perhaps she was the wrong choice and it's time to have a heart to heart and offer her an out. I hope it works out.
Little Miss Naughty Posts: 1046
I couldnt not reply. You've been so unlucky with these 2, particulary your BM. I just read out your post to h2b and he said he's be upset if that happened him. Lots of hugs :action32 :action32 Focus on other aspects, poitive aspects and enjoy your day!
fljl08 Posts: 70
Thanks for your replies Im going to ring my bm 2m evening and just say to leave it... but nicer :-8 I do feel kinda let down by her because we are close we dont meet that often but are always in touch through text etc and she was a great support to me in the past but sure thats just the way things work out I suppose Bestymay:she is having a small wedding but Im still surprised that we havent been invitedif it was the other way round I would invite her maybe I just misjudged what she would be able to help me with.... but I would do it for her and thats what is really getting to me :thnk
Betsy May Posts: 2168
Good luck with the conversation - it's a tricky thing to do diplomatically but you have to do what's right for you so you have the support you need for your day. It does sound like you both had different takes on your relationship as bride and BM so hopefully if you give her an opening to get out of it, she'll take it up and you can both come out of this as friends.
fljl08 Posts: 70
Heres hoping that it all goes ok it really is something that I thought I would never have to do but sure its just another wedding related challange O:|
milis Posts: 7998
Ah, one of those stories would have been horrible on its own, that's a terrible thing to happen this close to your wedding, I'd be really upset. I think you're making the right decision having a chat with the bm, you deserve better than that. Let us know how it goes, good luck :thnk
alskling Posts: 311
Hey I think you're right to ring your BM and speak to her about things but maybe don't have your mind made up in advance about what you're going to do? She's been a good friend to you in the past so at least hear her out? I'm living in Edinburgh myself and a good few of my close friends can't make my hen here because of financial reasons and although it's disappointing she can't make yours money might be really tight for her just now - especially if she's planning on having her own wedding soon too. And as for the dress fittings, I think it makes a lot more sense for her to have the dress in Edinburgh and sort out getting it fitted here, two of my BMs live elsewhere and they have their dresses with them and I'm BM for my sister later this year and will be asking her to send the dress over to me to get it fitted here. When you live away from home paying for flights home for Christmas and the odd other few things during the year it can really add up. I can see that not being invited to her wedding must be really hurtful but again speak to her and see why this is, they might be having a really small wedding and not inviting any friends at all only close family. Hope you get things sorted and are happy with whatever you decide :wv
MrsChuffed Posts: 872
I think that is f*cking AWFUL. Two selfhish b*stards who have no sense of common decency! I really really feel for you! And Besty May who the f*ck cares if it's a trip of a life time for someone. They asked him 2 years ago and were friends for 15 year! BTW, you ARE allowed to fire any GM or BM. It's your day to remember. Celebrating the start of your life together with all that truly love you both and are happy for you! Chin up and talk it through with your H2B. You WILL find a solution. :thnk