How to tell friend battling with ivf i am pregnant

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justmammy Posts: 81
Hi just looking for some advice i have this friend, we are notoverly close like we might not talk for a year than we could meet up and it would be like we were never apart ifykwim. Anyway i met with her a while ago and she told me she was going for ivf the following week. Unfortunately it did not work and this was her 3rd attempt. :o( anyway i am pregnant and i really dont know how to tell her, thinking of just texting her and when she feels up to it she can contact me. But the think is do i acknowledge the ivf or not in the text. would really appreciate any advice. thanks
sparklybabe Posts: 3353
please please pleas dont text her the news....... she will think its insensitive. meet up with her in her house or somewhere private and just tell her straight out. dont expect her to be overjoyed about your might take her a while to be happy for your brilliant news. most important thing though tell her face to face. dont apologise for the fact your pregnant and she isnt. just tell her outright. also dont give too much details re symptoms unless she asks for them. wishing you a happy and healthy nine mths. hth
justmammy Posts: 81
I was thinking this about the text but we really wouldnt meet very often just if i was working in her area, and i have never been to her house so i am kind of afraid if i arrange to meet her she will think i am making a big deal about it, on my first pregnancy i just text her(i didnt know about her battle at the time)
sparklybabe Posts: 3353
oh right. sorry i thought you were closer then id say yes text but dont mention anything re ivf.
lovingmarriedlife Posts: 324
i actually think texting is a good idea it means your friend can get upset / have a cry and not have to worry about u sitting there looking at her! edited to add - over the phone would also have same effect.
ghostchild2 Posts: 6237
[quote="lovingmarriedlife":eo1ierze]i actually think texting is a good idea it means your friend can get upset / have a cry and not have to worry about u sitting there looking at her! edited to add - over the phone would also have same effect.[/quote:eo1ierze] I agree with the above. When DH's bro's girlfriend had her 2nd m/c there was a rumour that DH's SIL was pg (turned out not to be true). Anyway the girl said that if was true then she did not want them to tell her face to face. She said it would be too hard. Congrats on your news though :wv
Roxanne Posts: 3201
I would suggest you email her. Hearing this news in person is the hardest way - you have to nail that smile on your face and no matter how hard you try you still feel you've come across as bitter. Then all you want to do is get the hell away to have a cry. And a text will always seem cold. I've been at both ends of this dilemma - a good friend emailed me to tell me she was expecting her fourth baby when she knew I was having fertility issues. First of all, I really appreciated that she emailed me personally even though we're all part of a gang, and she worded it nicely saying 'hopefully I won't be the only one this year', which I thought was thoughtful without being apologetic for her good fortune. Then when my time came (successful IVF for me) I had to tell another friend who was struggling to get pregnant after a miscarriage, so I emailed her personally as the first friend had done for me. I came straight to the point and said 'I know this might be difficult to hear because I remember how I felt when I had to hear other peoples' good news, but I wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant'. I also let her know that I would be emailing the gang in a week or so but that I wanted her to know first, and again she appreciated that. There's no way of taking away her pain, but if she at least sees that you have given it some thought she will thank you.
Ice 2 Posts: 224
I had a similar dilemma when I found out that I was pregnant. I confided in a really good friend of mine when we were ttcing as it took us a while and she told me they were trying for nearly 3 years. We shared the journey together but when I found out I was pg I didn't know how to tell her. We were due to go out a night for her dh's birthday but I knew I cudn't hide it anymore but knew it wasn't right to blurt it out.I decided to not go on the night out and phoned her to tell her our news the following week. It probably wasn't the best way but knew that she cud get used to it and it turns out that she thanked me for telling her beforehand as we met up a week after that. It is not an easy one but when u have gone through a ttc journey for a while it can be difficult to hear other peoples news