How would you feel about this (hubby&porn)?

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lillyw Posts: 4
Hey, i am a member but a few know me on here so said i'd go anon. So i got a phone bill yesterday 80€ higher then it usually is - i thought it was from my husband ringing his pals in oz as i have got high bills the last 3 bills but not this high but when i googled the number it was a Sex chat line. One phone call cost 40€ for a ten minute call - what a waste of money. Was soooo annoyed and confronted him when he came home from work - he was absoultely mortified and said it was just a bit of harmless fun - he said he never actually spoke to any of the girls - you watch the telly on sky and then get the sound of it over the phone. Do you think its harmless or would you be freaked? Thanks for feedback
lux Posts: 6270
I hate porn-and my OH knows this. I have a major problem with it as an industry, I think its exploitative and its easy availability is something I really can't stand. So if my OH did this I would majorly angry-its something I feel VERY strongly about. Having said that, I know lots of couples use porn together or seperately and it does no harm. I bet plenty of blind eyes are turned to a lot of internet usage and magazines in many homes. I think only you can decide if this is a serious problem. He sounds a bit thick-did he not realise he'd be caught out when the bill came in? Is this the ONLY problem you have or is there more to it? Sometimes something out of character like this is actually a sympton of a larger issue.
lillyw Posts: 4
Thanks for reply lux - ye totally thick - think he thought he could keep fogging me off saying it was from oz calls. We have a few problems due to money problems and when he goes out he drinks too much but all in all we try and work through them . Just feel a bit crap about it all especially the money aspect of the calls - now its gonna put a huge strain on us re the bill
lux Posts: 6270
[quote="lillyw":15p8cbz1]Thanks for reply lux - ye totally thick - think he thought he could keep fogging me off saying it was from oz calls. We have a few problems due to money problems and when he goes out he drinks too much but all in all we try and work through them . Just feel a bit crap about it all especially the money aspect of the calls - now its gonna put a huge strain on us re the bill[/quote:15p8cbz1] Well, I would keep on going, I presume you talk about these problems. However, drinking too much seems to be the real problem. If you have money problems, how is the money found for drink? I know if we have a tight month (often when I was on my own) a night out drinking was the first thing to go. A bill of the size you're worrying about would be taken care of if there were no night out, as would some other money problems surely? I am not having a go, BTW, it sounds like you are carrying a burden here, but if money is an issue he simply can't drink too much regularly, its not good for you or him emotionally or financially.
lolabelle Posts: 3311
I don't see the harm in Porn and we do indulge ourselves from time to time. I know my DH looks at it when hes having alone time :o0 :o0 :o0 I'm fine with that but if he was calling a sex chat line I would be livid. What a waste of money!! Just tell your DH to go online to YouPorn.com and get it for free!!! ;o)
Kaycee Posts: 2107
what lolabelle said, its the secrecy of it that would worry me but if he owned up you can definitely work through it!
happyfamily Posts: 3323
Every couple has to discuss the "porn issue" i think. Mh OH thinks its harmless but i HATE it. It really upsets me so he's agreed not to watch it on tv or the computer. Lots of couples watch porn together but running up an 80 euro phone bill is madness :eek :eek :eek :eek :eek :eek What a ridicultous thing to spend that money on O:|
lillyw Posts: 4
I know your not having a go lux - and thanks for the advice girls. Ye just freaked out - find it kind of disrespectful and its making me doubt myself a bit wondering does he not find me attractive anymore now that im pregnant, im 28 weeks neat enough but dont feel all that sexy!
stick Posts: 1229
i have no problem wiht porn, love a saturday morning indulging in a bit of porn >:o) >:o) >:o) >:o) >:o) >:o) have no prob wiht h2b watching it alone either. but wasting money on those phone calls woul drive me mad, i'd tell him to ring me and ask me to talk dirty if thats what he wants!!! i think you need to talk to him about the drinking and also how your feeling, your self esteem is low he needs to understand this
Jawl Posts: 8881
My h2b is the kinda guy who doesn't get porn. I don't either. Prefer the real thing >:o) I watched it twice, once was with an ex, and real hard core. Kinda turned me off him :o0 And once with h2b when we found his flat mate's dvd in the dvd player by accident. To be honest, I can't take it seriously, I was pmsl the whole way thru it. So it's not something we'd get anything out of for couple time. If I found out my h2b was using it in private, I would not be happy. I know it's not like having an affair and some people find it harmless, but to me, if he has an itch, I scratch it, I'd hate if he felt he had to sit in the living room in the dark on his own banging one out to a couple bonking on tv or some big ti-tted eejit on telly telling him what she's wearing and keeping him on the phone as long as possible. Thankfully he feels the same. But in answer to your question, I wouldn't be happy. Not knocking anybody else who enjoys it, it's just not for us.