I am so sad about the young girls commiting suicide

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dita Posts: 960
It just makes me so sad hearing about all these young girls commiting suicide We are in the process of trying for another baby and this morning when I heard about the other girls going to the police station as they are been accused of the bullying my first thought was why am I bringing a child into the world I seriously considered telling my husband we can't have another baby... what I don't understand is if someone is bullying you online can you not just turn off the site and not look at it....some of the sites are so random why would you be on them.... and what kind of teenager thinks its o.k to bully so evily that it leads to someone killing themselves.... Are children not educated enough about bullying and the effects of it... I never wanted to bully anyone it was the way I was raised to be nice to people what makes other children want to do it... I worry so much for my children when I hear all this
CestMoi Posts: 2162
I know it is terribly worrying isn't it? I wonder what the consequences for these young girls will be? I worry about our DS being bullied but equally worry that I bring him up knowing it is wrong to bully others either. I don't know how I'll get the balance right, I'm constantly hoping I'm doing the right thing to keep him well mannered and disciplined and he's only 2. I want him to be a child too and enjoy that.
twinbambinos Posts: 3492
It just breaks my heart aswell to think of what those poor girls went through and now what their poor families are going through. Just horrendous. My own family has been affected by suicide so I know first hand the devastation it leaves on the families and is something that can be prevented with the right help. Dita I actually think cyber bullying is nearly worse..if your bullied in person say in school..you know who the person is that is bullying you, You can try and avoid them, surround yourself with your friends and try not be alone( I not saying for one second that bullying in person is any easier on the victim) but if your bullied online..Sometimes you don't know who it is that is leaving these horrible comments, cowards that they are! Comments are posted for everyone to read so they have the added embarrassment of that !! Their is no escape from it its not like you can leave it at the school gates ,its 24/7 for these poor kids and if it happens to them there is no escape !! Its not as easy as saying turn off your computer..you know yourself if you thought something was being written about you online you would want to see it even though its horrible. I honestly think something drastic needs to be done. I think kids have too much access to online sites like facebook/ this ask.com site that is apparently notorious for online bullying/twitter etc. I think parents need to step up and take control and monitor or control the usage of phones/laptops etc. Its just so easy for kids and for us all to be online these days,something has to be done to protect these kids! Some Children can be cruel ..it has always been the case. Most of us would have seen some aspect of kids being cruel in school but it has gone to a whole other level not sure why. I don't think these kids have a grasp on reality that their action could have this affect on someone so their needs to be more education about it in schools. It just horrendous for a 13year old girl to think that ending her life is the only option to get away from this :-(((( god at 13 its hard to even imagine something like this would enter her head , just breaks my heart. I also have a DD and DS and it does make you think about what kind of world you are bringing them into but I think its our job as parents to educate them about the dangers of these sites. Something needs to be done soon though as its getting all too common now to hear of a little teenager taking their own life because of bullying . so so sad :o(
wollysocks Posts: 1773
I agree it's very very sad, absolutely heartbreaking. However, just to answer some of your questions,I don't think bullying is new- it has always been there. I think the most insidious thing about bullying now is that there is no refuge. Once upon a time perhaps, home would have been a refuge for those bullied at school, now with online and texting, bullies can get at their victim at any time of day, evening and sometimes night. I imagine children are often too ashamed to admit they are being bullied. They can believe what they are being told and feel that they are ugly, fat, stupid, unpopular etc....whatever they are being told. How horrible to feel you are unlikeable- of course you feel it must be your fault- and not something you want to readily admit to-children do not have the maturity to understand what is happening to them. What I would say too, is that the best brought up children can be involved in bullying. I doubt they are monsters-but girls especially are bitchy and I remember there were always little cliques etc... the pack mentality is very strong. Often it is one or two leading the bullying and the others following- perhaps a bit guiltily but probably just glad it is not themselves being excluded. I think the onus is on parents and teachers and adults in general to be vigilant and active when bullying is spotted. I think all facebook, text messages usage etc should be on condition of agreement with parent that they have free access any time to check what their child is up to. I don't know what else- I agree it is really frightening.
Nervous2join Posts: 125
Have experience of this with my 14 year old sister last year. These girls are so desperate to fit in and get approval that they wont come off Facebook and this god forsaken Ask.fm My sis went from outgoing, award winning and heavily involved in activities to depressed, irrational, angry and threatening to harm herself. Yet if these bullies spoke nicely to her as any point she would lap it up in the hope all was well. She was always desperately checking FB to see if anything was there from anyone. In her case it seemed to develop into a situation where any attention was sometimes better than no attention. Its like she wanted someone at school to acknowledge she existed. Twice in my presence she got apology texts from girls, saying they were sorry but nothing they could do and they had to fit in themselves and not to tell anyone about the texts. This broke her heart more than anything as she used to get her hopes up thinking she had a secret ally only for the very same little b**ches to bully her along with everyone else the next day. She wouldnt get the bus as it was happening on there. A lot of female bullying isnt physical its being excluded, rumours spread etc. Vicious long term damage stuff. She is better now but still goes to counselling (which was radical for my parents as they are devastated she doesnt find comfort enough in them). She has dyed her hair, pierced her nose, changed dramatically and its actually heartbreaking to see. Its heartbreaking to even remember back to the worst time of it.
twinbambinos Posts: 3492
[quote="Nervous2join":2f11qr94]Have experience of this with my 14 year old sister last year. These girls are so desperate to fit in and get approval that they wont come off Facebook and this god forsaken Ask.fm My sis went from outgoing, award winning and heavily involved in activities to depressed, irrational, angry and threatening to harm herself. Yet if these bullies spoke nicely to her as any point she would lap it up in the hope all was well. She was always desperately checking FB to see if anything was there from anyone. In her case it seemed to develop into a situation where any attention was sometimes better than no attention. Its like she wanted someone at school to acknowledge she existed. Twice in my presence she got apology texts from girls, saying they were sorry but nothing they could do and they had to fit in themselves and not to tell anyone about the texts. This broke her heart more than anything as she used to get her hopes up thinking she had a secret ally only for the very same little b**ches to bully her along with everyone else the next day. She wouldnt get the bus as it was happening on there. A lot of female bullying isnt physical its being excluded, rumours spread etc. Vicious long term damage stuff. She is better now but still goes to counselling (which was radical for my parents as they are devastated she doesnt find comfort enough in them). She has dyed her hair, pierced her nose, changed dramatically and its actually heartbreaking to see. Its heartbreaking to even remember back to the worst time of it.[/quote:2f11qr94] so hard to watch someone you love go throught this and change so dramtically because of it. Think your parents did great getting her counselling and hopefully this will stand to her :xxx Agree though bullying from girls is just vicious! Comments on their physical appearance, rumour spreading, excluding them its just horrible. We were talking about it in work here one day about that other poor girl who took her life days after she posted the video on youtube ( which was just heartbreaking) When we were in school would you have stood up to the bullies if you had of know someone was being bullied or you yourself were being bullied? Were we as desperate to fit in as the kids these days? I know our appearance probably wasn't as important as it is to kids these days as we didn't have access to what they have but I do remember hearing rumours about girls etc and not thinking anything of it and not for a second thinking about what is was doing to those girls. I would like to think I would have stood up to a bully if I had of seen them verbally assault someone but that's easy for me to say now that im a 32year old confident assertive woman, would I have done it at 16??
McLisa Posts: 1815
bullying is such an awful thing, i went to an all girls school and my god it was tough, i was friendly with a group of the popular girls but i was also incredibly studious so would have chatted away to the other girls that they deemed 'geeks'. If i was seen talking to them i would have been questioned constantly about it, any hope that they would get some funny information out of me that they could use for a b*tching and sl*gging session. I never did give in and i think the only reason they spoke to me and never targeted me was because my boyfriend was good mates with a load of older boys that they wanted to get in with and had they distanced me they would have no contact with the fellas. I've seen first hand what bullying can do, my sister messed up her final year at school because of it and had to be transfered to another school and repeat to which she was picked on there too and accused of being stupid and thick for repeating and ended up dropping out with no qualifications and shes a very bright girl. You cant win, everyone tries so hard to fit in that at the desperate teenage age you would do anything - pack mentality is very strong.
Bride2be040812 Posts: 1182
I was bullied. For two years in primary school and for the majority of secondary school. Why? Because I was overly tall, had curly hair, wore glasses, was over weight, was already suffering from hormonal imbalances that was causing depression and was having difficulty in controlling facial and bodily hair. No one did anything about the bullying for years, the school didnt want to know even after my parents went in to them. The only person who did something was a Guard when I was 16. I was getting threatening texts and phone calls from a guy and the guard called him and scared the living day lights out of him. Now, successful in my career, 27, married to an amazing man and with the best group of friends and family that I could ask for I am so glad that I never gave in to bullies. I would have missed out on so much. Those people no longer cost me a second thought but understanding more about it now I feel sorry for them. They felt the need to make someone else feel so small so that they could fit in and feel better about themselves. It was them that had the self esteem issues rather than me.
Positiveya Posts: 398
[quote="Bride2be040812":1gf1c0z6]I was bullied. For two years in primary school and for the majority of secondary school. Why? Because I was overly tall, had curly hair, wore glasses, was over weight, was already suffering from hormonal imbalances that was causing depression and was having difficulty in controlling facial and bodily hair. I had an attempted suicide attempt at 13. Thankfully, I just ended up in hospital and had some councilling. No one did anything about the bullying for years, the school didnt want to know even after my parents went in to them. The only person who did something was a Guard when I was 16. I was getting threatening texts and phone calls from a guy and the guard called him and scared the living day lights out of him. Now, successful in my career, 27, married to an amazing man and with the best group of friends and family that I could ask for I am so glad that I never gave in to bullies. I would have missed out on so much. Those people no longer cost me a second thought but understanding more about it now I feel sorry for them. They felt the need to make someone else feel so small so that they could fit in and feel better about themselves. It was them that had the self esteem issues rather than me.[/quote:1gf1c0z6] Total respect for you bride2be040812. I know when I was in school I couldn't see past the next day at school not to mind the rest of my life, things just seemed so important then. What I took from your story is how successful you are in life, both career wise and in your personal life and you didn't let the bullies dictate your life!
mrs mammy Posts: 1487
I was bullied in both primary and secondary school. In primary I was bullied by kids and by one teacher in particular who taught me for two nightmare years. I have never forgotten her and will never forgive her for what she put me through while encouraging everyone else in the class too. I will hold up my hand and admit I wanted to die, I cried myself to sleep many nights wishing I could just die. These kids have no idea at all the kind of pain they are subjecting their victims to!