SIL miscarriage advice

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Lucy D Posts: 91
Hello all Just found out that my SIL miscarried her baby on Monday and I really feel for her as I was only thinking the other day that there would be 4 months between the two babies, anyway I was wondering has anyone experienced this and what would be a thoughful way of showing compassion for her, she has 2 childern already so I am sure that they will be blessed again and that it was just one of those things but do you think she would apprecaite maybe some flowers and a thinking of you card sort of thing? I don't think they had told anyone except the immediate family but would like to do something for her and I know she will proably be upset when she sees me. Any suggestions apprecaited thanks.
SiobhanOliverSoprano Posts: 3150
Having gone through this myself I know it's difficult for others to know what to say. The only thing I can definitely say is please don't say you're young you can have another baby.....having a miscarriage is like any other bereavement to the person involved. You become attached to the baby no matter how early on the miscarriage is. I miscarried at 12 weeks. I also had a child at home which I suppose was a blessing as she kept me occupied. I was living abroad at the time and had no family over there so it was very difficult. I would suggest you do send her flowers and a card and tell her that you're there if she needs to talk or cry or shout. She won't want to upset her husband any more than he already is so she needs to know that there's someone else for her to turn to but don't try to avoid her....that's the worst thing you can do. I don't know if this helps or not but I can't think of what else she needs right now except an understanding shoulder. Al
corkrebel Posts: 744
I m/c our angel 4 weeksago ...I was 8 weeks pregnant and I agree with the other post about not saying that you can have another baby or to say that well, at least you have your 2 children...that does not ease the pain of losing a much wanted child... I have no other children and this was my 1st pregnancy but I would think that the pain of m/c is the same regardless... I did get sent flowers and cards and intially I hated getting them ...in my mind, I felt that I should be getting cards and floers for having a baby and not losing one..I know that people do not know what to say or do ..and I know everyone has best intentions at heart.... I think that just letting her know that you are there for her and give her an outlet to talk if she feels that she needs it might be sufficient for now.... my SIL snet me a voucher for a facial the week after the m/c and I really appreciated that so much more... but everyone is different ...maybe her husband can give you a better insight as to what she would appreciate .... O:o)
tasket Posts: 306
I've heard very similar advice to Al's from people who've gone through this - don't try to make her feel better or say "you can try again" or "it wasn't meant to be", instead treat it as you would any other death in the family. A close friend had a m/c in Feb and I sent flowers and a card, she was really appreciative and said it really hurt when people tried to dismiss it or tiptoe around it. You sound like you really care about your SIL and I'm sure she'll appreciate your kindness! :thnk
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