Who had it harder... you or your mother??

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MrsDr Posts: 1316
Not sure the title reflects what Im trying to say!! But talking to my dad the other day and he was telling me about aunts who lived in cavan and his memories of spending summers down there etc. How they washed all their clothes by hand, milked cows, made their own bread and butter, walked miles, mended clothes etc Anyway I pointed out to my dad that I thought women now a days have it much worse. For instance my friend has a toddler and is due her second baby in march, she communtes up to Dublin everyday getting up at 5.00am and getting home at 8pm, she looks after her house, has a demading job that requires her to meet targets/deadlines on a daily basis pile on top of that the pressure out there to look good (dying hair, bleaching other hair, having a flat tummy, buying nice clothes, putting on makeup, shaving pits, legs and bikini line) having a social life and having time for DTD >:o) with your OH!!! Was just interested to know if you thought we have it tough in 2012 or your mother/grandmother had it tougher!?!?
alwayshoping Posts: 409
this is exactly what i was trying to say on the are you a feminist thread!! you said it far better then me!
foxglove Posts: 587
We had this conversation only the other day, MIL was over saying how it was so difficult years ago, no washing machine, cloth nappies, one car, FIL working so no help et etc. DH said to her but you didnt have to worry about going back to work, taxing/insuring/ntc cars, high interest mortgages etc. In my opinion its all relative, life has become alot more stressful these days, mothers have to worry about balancing work/children/house whereas before (in most cases) only baby and house to think about. I love the 'arent the men great' comments too - eh yes and so are the women, why shouldnt my DH get up to DS at night if he is crying or cook dinner a couple of times a week when i work too and get in 2hrs after he does!
theoracle Posts: 7664
My mum without a doubt.
rosiemama Posts: 3363
My mum had it far harder. She had 3 LOs to look after, money was always tight, she worked part time as well in the evenings and my dad was often away quite a bit or working nights. She was also an only child and the sole carer for my granny who was unwell from she was in her early 50s and lived until she was in her late 80s. I often feel bad for her too as although she went to university, she never had the opportunity to do anything with her life for herself. She's making up for it now though, and has a far better social life than me. But, as much as I complain, and as hard as it is to manage a house, children and a career, I'm very grateful that me and DH have good jobs that don't bring us away from home too often, we are comfortable financially and everyone is in good health.
Anne Cordelia Shirley Posts: 4731
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Bigsurprise Posts: 961
Yeah I think my Mum had it harder. Firstly being a younger mother must have been hard. I am quite a lot older than her having my first & think mentally I'm more prepared plus I feel like I have had much more opportunity than she had prior to having kids. She had 3 of us but suppose she was lucky not having to work. My Dad had a good job but was not a hands on father at all so it was all left to Mum. I wouldn't say that we have it hard though. Luckily we could survive on one salary but I'm not sure what I will do after my maternity leave is over but imagine I will return to work & see how we cope. I think both parents working full time is difficult particularly if there is no job flexibility. There is definitely a lot of pressures on parents nowadays but some of these can resolved by changing lifestyle choices.
Mari yay Posts: 4045
Can't really answer this one to be honest. I think the world is an entirely different place now, so it's hard to make a direct comparison. My mum worked straight out of school, she saved up for her own wedding, she had 4 kids and continued working through. But as well as having to work financially, she enjoyed the independence of working and having her own money. Not many of my friends mothers worked. My dad had his own business, and was away from 8am until maybe 8pm, if he was home at 7 that was an early finish. She also looked after her mother, and her brother, who passed away within a year of each other, her brother passed away on her 40th birthday. 5 years later my own mam was dead too. I don't think I have it any harder, but I have a long commute to work, I live a good bit away from my family, and we will probably have to stop at 2 kids, haven't a clue what I will do about childcare, but my husband is more hands on with house stuff than my dad was. In saying this, if they were a young couple now instead of 30 years ago, they would be just like me and my husband, if my dad wasn't away working so much he'd be very much 50 50 like my husband is. My cousin even said to me on our wedding day that he had no doubt we were a great couple because we behave just like my mam and dad did. So I'd say maybe she had it a bit tougher, but she was one strong woman, never heard her complain she just got on with it, and I'm like that too. If I was half the woman she was I'd be lucky, just hope I get to stick around to see my kids grow up.
SGirl Posts: 2542
My Mum had it way harder. She did everything in the house, rared us, and was self employed.
Roxanne Posts: 3201
My Mam, definitely. Mainly because she didn't have the choices I've had. She had a job she loved which she had to give up on getting married(by law) and never got back into the workforce. Although she would never admit it, I don't think the life of a housewife and mother fulfilled her and she has some very deep rooted resentment. She doesn't have much confidence even though she has lots of talents and I think that's all tied up with the role she had forced upon her. Plus money was tight... all in all I think I've had it easy by comparison.