So nervous, you’re almost weak at the knees. It’s a simple question. It’s only five little words, but what if it’s a no? You know she’ll say, scream even, “yes” and it means so much to her that you ask. So here it goes, “Can I marry your daughter?” Asking for a parent’s blessing used to be a normal part of any engagement, and if done with thought and consideration, it can be a really meaningful moment and shows respect for your future in-laws.
To some, the question is more important than the proposal itself. To others, it’s an old-fashioned, misogynistic tradition that should be left in the past. So, what do you think? We went to the WeddingsOnline.ie Fourms to ask our Wollies what they thought, and there were very mixed opinions!
My OH asked my dad for my hand. He was very nervous but knew how important it was to me. My dad made him sweat for a while, but then said yes! – ggbeaks
My fiancé didn’t ask, and to be honest if he had asked my dad first, I would wonder if he knew me at all. If he was to ask anyone it would be my mother! – squonk
My OH asked my parents the week before he proposed – I hadn’t a clue! I love that he did that and it really meant a lot to my parents. – OrTees
I wouldn’t have been impressed and I didn’t want anyone knowing that I was getting engaged before I knew, well except the jewelers! My dad knew my feelings on this too, so it was all good! – stupidname2013
My partner brought me into my favourite jewellers ‘Thomas Gear’, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. He then rang my dad after we had picked out the ring to ask him and still to this day, my dad thinks he knew first! – bride2be14
When we were visiting my parents for a Sunday dinner he formally asked for my hand in marriage when I left the room. Apparently Dad just said "that’s grand" and the two of them went back to watching the horse racing on TV! I overheard Dad saying to someone that "LadyLizzie’s OH did it the right way" so it definitely meant a lot to him. – LadyLizzie
Yes he asked dad, but what did surprise me was that my dad kept the secret, even from my mam, for two weeks. My dad was thrilled about the whole thing and he was very impressed my OH asked. – redgp
My Dad didn’t tell my mam and I will always remember the joy of telling her myself! – lollypopbride
My OH tried to ask for weeks before he proposed but it was during the bad snow and we were house bound. My OH and I work/ live/ socialise together and he literally could not get one free minute to even call him so instead he rang my dad straight after he proposed and told him that he wanted him to be the first to know. We were in Iceland at the time and the reception was really rubbish so my dad thought my OH was drunk and passed the phone to my mother who had to translate for him! – Char27
No, he didn’t. He might have liked to have asked my Dad but since my parents are separated he knew my Mum would be offended not to be asked as well so in the interests of being fair the only person who was asked was me! I’m delighted he didn’t, we’re two adults, we’ve known each other a long time, and we already live together so I’d actually have been slightly put out to have had my ‘hand’ asked for. – HippyChic
My OH went to my dad’s work. My Dad rushed from his desk seeing my OH pull up outside thinking something was wrong with me! OH said, "Oh no nothing’s wrong. Just wanted to know if I can marry your daughter?" My Dad responded, "Yeah, grand, have her!" – elle1
He asked my dad for his blessing as opposed to his permission, which I loved the idea of! – FutureMrsS
My OH called my home a week before he asked me to marry him with the intention of asking my Dad. My Mam answered the phone so he panicked and just blurted out: "I’m going to ask Sharlo to marry me this weekend." My Mam responded, "Are you asking me or telling me?" – Sharlo
My OH definitely didn’t! He doesn’t really respect my father and it would have felt odd because I’m not very close to my dad at all. My OH did ask my grandfather on his deathbed though as he was very important to me and helped raise me. When he was in the hospice, we all took shifts staying with him so he was never alone and when I nipped to the loo one night OH said he was going to marry me. It made me very teary! – Eleanor Rigby
Main image by Elizabeth Messina
By Amy Croffey
