The subject of asking for cash as a wedding gift creates some of the most heated discussions brides ever engage in. The opinions range from just a mild ‘it’s totally ok’ shrug to comments like ‘it’s deeply offensive’. So where does today’s world of weddings stand on this subject, exactly?
Nobody can deny weddings are now different. Wedding registries have changed, as many couples start their married lives already living together, so they don’t need all the items to set up house. In the past, it was the bride’s family’s job to pay for the wedding, while the groom’s family often handled the cost of the honeymoon… that’s rarely observed nowadays. In fact, couples now bear most of the wedding costs themselves – 78% of you, according to our recent survey. It was inevitable that the tradition of gift-giving would change too. There are pros and cons to asking for cash – take a look at these.
Pros:
People want to give something you truly want. If that’s money towards honeymoon or a down payment on a house, they’ll be happy to contribute towards it. It’s better than giving an unwanted gift that’ll go in the attic or on eBay.
Some are too busy to look for a truly worthy wedding gift. Cash in the envelope is the simplest and most convenient option for them.
You won’t end up with five toasters. Brides have been threatened with five toasters since toasters were invented. Asking for cash may help you avoid dealing with awkward gifts.
People usually don’t come to weddings empty-handed. They’re likely to bring you a gift anyway – so you may as well specify what it is.
Cons:
The invitation poem or note may not work. Some guests might feel it’s just a silly way to cover up what you’re really saying, which is ‘give us cash’.
Guests may worry they’re not giving enough. Some will be able to afford only a small amount, and they’ll worry it’s not enough. It might make them consider not attending the wedding.
It may be perceived as poor manners. Asking for gifts on any occasion goes against social etiquette – only kids writing letters to Santa can get away with it.
Some guests take real pleasure in giving real gifts. They might feel you won’t appreciate their gift, because it’s not what you wanted/asked for.
Image via Etsy
Now that you’ve considered these, what do you think?
Sure, there may be thousands of cash wedding poems, or wording suggestions online. But is there a better way of letting the guests know what you want? Yes.
Surprisingly, it’s simply saying nothing. As the wedding date looms closer, the guests will start thinking about a gift and will most likely do the simple thing – put money in an envelope. Sorry if this sounds a bit blunt, but nowadays (when the parents no longer bear the entire costs of weddings) pretty much everyone understands that newlyweds need cash above all. It’s just the modern reality. Plus, your invite will probably have some contact info on it (phone numbers, email, etc) – they can ring up the contact person and ask the gift question. Whoever you appointed to collect your RSVPs can then tactfully let them know that your presence is enough, but should you like to contribute a few euro towards the honeymoon (or another specific goal), that will be more than enough.
Here’s what you should avoid doing at all costs:
Not specifying the reason for asking for cash. You should let the guests know what the money is going towards – it gives them a great pleasure to think they helped send you on a trip of a lifetime, or that you’ll be able to buy a house thanks in part to their down payment contribution.
Asking for a specific amount. Guests should give what they can afford, or you risk them not coming to the wedding at all. Remember, it costs them money to attend the wedding too – outfits, travel, accomodations etc.
Your personal feelings towards asking for cash really matter here – so be sure to discuss this together, considering all of the above. On your wedding day, you’ll find many of the guests will give you cash anyway – even if you specifically ask for no gifts at all. Ensure you have thank-you cards to send to all those who contributed to your special day.
Above, wedding stationery by Wedding Worx | Main image courtesy of Etsy
