Image courtesy of toddpelloweblog.com
Here’s a question for the modern age: you’ve just said ‘I do’, and now you’re walking back down the aisle. Before you’ve even made it past the church door, a photo of you has already been put on Facebook by one of your guests. How do you feel about that?
If your immediate reaction is a ‘whatever’ shrug, then there’s only one thing you need to do – ask your other half how they feel about it. You may find it’s something you’ll need to discuss. From our internet journey across various bridal forums and blogs, it seems there’s a very clear division – brides either don’t care, or care very much indeed. Which bride are you? Do you mind random people seeing photos of you before you even see any yourself? Do you prefer to keep your wedding as intimate as possible, as a very personal occasion? Do you want people online to see less-than-professional, maybe even unflattering photos of you? Or, do you even prefer to avoid any conflict with people you weren’t able to invite? All good reasons to consider – and there are dozens more.
In terms of social media, it’s not just Facebook we’re talking about here. It’s Twitter, it’s Instagram, it’s Tumblr, even YouTube. No longer the domain of university students, Facebook – that uninvited guest – will want to see pictures of your wedding. And someone may oblige and put them there for all to see which is fine once you’re okay with it.
Here’s what it looks like from your guests’ point of view. It’s a big deal, being invited to a wedding. It’s an honour, a special occasion, a chance to witness a huge milestone in someone’s life. Your guests will make an effort to look good – new frocks, new shoes, new hair. They will bring their digital cameras and their smartphones. They will be taking lots of pictures of this special day, because it’s special to them too. And what do people do with those special days? They put them on Facebook, to share with their friends. I’m at the church now… here’s the bride arriving… here’s the bride leaving… here’s the reception venue… here’s my steak dinner… etc etc. That’s why it’s called the social media, dontcha know.
By the time you come back from your honeymoon to that long-awaited message from your photographer about your wedding photos being ready, there may be dozens less-than-perfect ones online already. Again, fine once you’re okay with it.
It’s worth mentioning that the issue for some people is not with guests taking photos – it’s with photos of you being uploaded on Facebook and online without your knowledge, or permission – or maybe even with your knowledge but without your permission. It goes without saying that guests are welcome to put any photos of themselves on Facebook while at your wedding. In today’s day and age, if a person wants a selfie with your wedding cake, there isn’t much you can do to stop them. In fact, some would say it would be rude to ask the guests to put their cameras away at your wedding – after all, they want to have something to remember from this day. On the other hand, the phrase ‘unplugged wedding’ is being mentioned with increasing frequency. So, if you’ve decided you don’t want your photos on Facebook, how do you handle this?
The online community is very much divided on the best way to do it. So we’ll give you all the options – you decide what you feel is best. Even the wedding etiquette gurus disagree on this topic, so it’s important for you to do what you feel is right.
• You can include a message on your invitation – for example on the directions card. Just one line to say ‘we respectfully request that photos of our wedding aren’t posted on Facebook and other social media”.
• If you have a wedding website or a blog that your guests actually visit and read, you can post a message there, asking them to keep your special occasion special and to show you the photos first. You can use a more casual tone for this request.
• You can add a line at the bottom of your mass booklet, which all guests at your ceremony will receive.
• Before you arrive at the church, you can ask the best man to stand up and say a few words to the guests (it’ll be good practice before his speech), about the bride and groom wishing to keep the occasion personal by avoiding posting photos online.
• You can ask a designated person (the best man again, or maybe the chief bridesmaid) to say a word about this just before the speeches start, when everyone has settled in at the reception. This is an ideal time – unfortunately by then it may be too late.
• You can also ask someone – your mum perhaps – to spread the word among the guests after you’ve sent out the invitations. At one point or another, people will call your mum to ask questions – or she may be helping you chase people for RSVPs. That’s a good time to add “oh and by the way, can we just ask that you don’t put the wedding photos on Facebook if you take any, we just want to keep it intimate, thanks”.
• Set up a free account online – like Dropbox or Flickr – or grab one of those apps that gather all the pics in one place, so you can see them first and share them with your guests on your own terms.
• Take a look at the ever-changing Facebook privacy settings to see if you can change the tagging option so only you can see the tagged photos.
• Finally, there is always a small chance one of your guests will put their photos on Facebook anyway. They may forget, or they may just choose not to heed your message. This happens, and there isn’t much you can do about it. If it’s a close family member or a friend, you can ask them nicely to remove the photos later. If it isn’t a person close to you, you can think about it before you approach them.
So consider all this and speak to your fiancé(e) – this is something you both have to agree on. And if you have any questions about this dilemma, let us know by leaving a comment.
