There are talks many of us would rather avoid – and one of the most tender topics is money. Asking wedding budget questions is probably nobody’s idea of fun. But does is need to be done? Absolutely. Here’s our advice on how to make it easy.
Unless you’re already living with your future spouse and you’ve bought property together, the wedding is likely to be the first huge expense you’ll handle together. How will it go? Will you discover you have completely different attitudes to money? Will you call them Scrooge, and they’ll call you Spenderella? You may even have a few arguments about things you never imagined – like the centrepieces, and the cost of paper versus linen napkins.
Our own wedding survey published at the start of this year showed that money really matters to Irish couples about to walk down the aisle. In fact, 77% of them preferred cash as a wedding gift, and 28% took out a loan to help pay for the big day. And, 38% went over budget, even with an average wedding (including honeymoon) costing €22,531.
For truly revealing real-life examples, you needn’t look any further than the UK’s Don’t Tell The Bride. If you’ve watched the show, you probably noticed something very curious about the way grooms handle all that money. Not every groom, obviously, but quite a few.
First, they are usually surprised how much venues cost. Then, they often go on a search to find a cheaper alternative, rather than work out a way to keep the original venue. Sentimentality plays a big part – they’ll readily marry in a place where they first met their sweetheart, even if it’s a local swimming pool or their office.
Second, they spend much more money on a stag do than the hen. Exhibit 1 – Matt and Rian. Matt flew his crew to Vegas for a week-long stag do. Rian and her maids got a round of mini-golf and bingo at the local hall. Exhibit 2 – Ryan and Maria. He gave her £150 to spend on her hen night in London – while he took his five groomsmen on an all-expenses-paid trip to Marbella. Were the ladies disappointed? Of course not – they were absolutely furious!
Invitations, bridesmaid dresses and shoes for the bride were also pretty low on many grooms’ priority lists. Hmmm. It did all get rather tense sometimes when they realised their blunders.
All joking aside, you simply must ask some wedding budget questions before you get married. We don’t mean you should plan your entire financial future together in one go – but do discuss the wedding and your spending. Imagine you’re one of those 38% of couples who went over the budget. How would you feel if your other half was really unhappy about it, but only told you months later? It’s not how you want to start your married life, to be sure. So, here are five wedding budget questions you should definitely ask – even if your other half is in the ‘whatever you want, dear’ mode.
Of all the things in the budget, which is most important and least important to you? Prepare to be surprised about the answers, and keep an open mind. If you’ve already paid for things, it may be too late to make big changes. But if you haven’t, talk about alternatives to bring the wedding closer to what your other half wants too.
Would you rather have a smaller wedding and a more lavish honeymoon? A honeymoon is for both of you as well, and possibly the most memorable holiday you’ll ever have in your lifetime. There’s so much choice of prices and destinations out there, reaching a compromise will be easier than you think.
Wedding gifts – what is your preference? Cash is always great, but not everyone thinks so. There are brides who absolutely hate the idea of asking guests for cash, but the other half would gladly put the money towards a downpayment on a house. Read this for advice on how to ask for cash as a wedding gift – and decide together.
Are you ok with us borrowing money to pay for the wedding? Borrowing isn’t for everyone. Some people have past debts trailing behind them, and others simply don’t qualify because of low earnings or poor credit score. And, are you both still ok with paying for the wedding one, two or even three years after it took place?
Would you like to do regular budget updates together? In a world where most brides still do all the planning themselves, their other halves stay quiet and spend what they’re told – or simply stay out of the whole thing and just show up on the day. But, getting involved in the budget together means making more decisions together too. This is especially helpful when you’re looking for suppliers – you won’t have to make all the decisions by yourself.
Money is about as far from romance as toast is from creme brûlée… but if you get this part of the planning right, you’ll never wonder if you could have done things differently. Asking wedding budget questions is simply a smart thing to do.
Main image from Juliana & Adam’s real wedding by Paul Duane Photography
