Access to our finances

Im a SATM so not earning my own money. Ive never had access to our own money, its never any hassle but Ive to ring hubby up to put money into my account which I hate. I always hated depending on him financially. I always earned my own money and never got money off anyone else until I became a SAHM. I had a chat with him about it but hes a little offended by it all because he could be doing anything with our money and I wouldnt know. He pays all the bills, everything comes out of his account. Hes very careful with his money and I trust 100% with it. Its just demoralising I suppose. Are any of you the same? Or am I the only one? Its seems all so old fashioned

Could he not get you an ATM card so you wouldn't have to keep asking?

Ive to look into that now. Hes been meaning to do it for ages but never got around to it. Im just all annoyed about it today so Im all moany sorry

Get a joint account so a new account for both of you! You should have access to everything. Doesn't sound great ringing him to transfer money. What do you do if you go shopping for yourself?

I would hate to have to continuously ask for money, it must feel pretty demeaning. You should arrange to have a joint account, two ATM cards, problem solved. He needs to think of it as "family money", it's not "his money".

I don't know anyone who has do this - the whole thing seems quite archaic! Why exactly are you not allowed access to the accounts? To me it doesn't matter if you were a SAHM or a high powered CEO, a marriage is a partnership therefore you both should have equal access to all funds. Sounds to me like you need to raise the issue again regardless of whether he gets offended or not. You need your own independence just like he does. How would he feel if the reverse were the case and he had to call you when he needed money? Sorry if I'm sounding very blunt but I think you need to stand up for yourself otherwise it will be something that just eats away at you until you won't be able to stand it anymore.

Yeh I agree its not right. It is "Our Money" but I dont have direct access to it. In relation to shopping for myself, I dont do it unless of course I get money off him, its very rare I shop for myself anyway but he has no problem giving me money when I need it but he likes to keep an eye on the account as only one wage coming in so he has to make sure he can cover everything throughout the month which is understandable. But its very demeaning as one of you said. Even when I get bank card, Ill still have to run everything by him Im sure. The joys! I personally see it as his money tbh as I dont earn it thats why things are the way it is but he has no problem tell me its "Our money". He hasnt got any decent presents from me since I became a SAHM so hes losing out a little but it is the way it is but it will all change for the better lets hope. I just wanted to see if anyone else lived like us or how people control the shared accounts. As my friends who are also SAHM'S have free reign and Im quite envious!

Ok you need to have a serious talk about your finances.. You seem to be a bit "ah sure that's the way it is" about it but it's really not right! You can't buy anything for yourself unless he gives you money for it? That is so demeaning! You're not his daughter you're his equal partner, if you weren't at home minding your children he wouldn't be able to go out to work and earn the family money, can he not see that? Tell him you are getting an ATM card for the account. You do not need to run every little purchase by him unless you are on the breadline. I've got a little bit of rage on your behalf!!

if your at home why can't you ring the bank yourself to arrange to get the ATM card, get yourself in gear there hon , if you want access to the family money then go do something about it yourself...

There's probably the odd one like you OP but very few Closest I know, a friend put a fixed amount into his wife's account every payday, so she had her own money. She didn't have to ask for it. But also then she didn't have to explain what she spent it on, it was HER money to use as she chooses - that doens't sound like your scenario Either you go back to work, or you have joint funds. You can't be almost begging in your own home.