Hubby's lost interest

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MrsM04 Posts: 46
Hi all, Am very new to this but just wanted to share a problem and get some advice, hubby and I have just started ttc this month and from what I understand its best to have sex as often as possible to increase your chances of concieving, especially around the time of ovulation. Anyway I have a very irregular cycle, anything from 28 days to 36) so no idea when I'm ovulating and happy to go a few months before getting all technical with ovulation kits, temperature taking and all that sort of craic. But basically my problem is my hubby, its like he has gone off sex, he feels under alot of pressure having sex so often, which is just bloody typical because before we were ttc it was always him that wanted it...now its me wanting it every night!! And I thought he'd be delighted!! I'm trying my best to be patient with him and have told him to do the initiating but am so afraid at the same time that we may miss the time of ovulation and therefore ruin our chances and have to wait another month before trying again or in my case longer.... Have any of you dealt with a problem like this before or have you any advice on how I should proceed with him - no one else to talk to about issues like this. Thanks.
sharonstep Posts: 57
hi, i don't know if this will help but when we were ttc my hubby was getting a bit fed up too and we were only trying for a couple of months. I think its the pressure to perform as you know how disappointing it is when you realise each month that your not pg well i think men feel its their fault and this can make them less inclined to want to try. we were lucky and i got pg after 2 months but what i found worked was to not talk about ovulation, charts etc because they don't need to know the ins and outs of all that, then once you have some clue when your most fertile just get on with it. I read that advice on here and when i thought about it found it made sense. By making an issue of trying every night he probably feels like he is just being used to make a baby (this is what my hubby told me afterwards) and if he goes off s*x altogether you will miss out on your fertile times altogether. i hope this makes sense. I suppose what i'm trying to say is make it feel special and not just a baby making mission and he will be more accommodating then its up to you to do the time planning. really hope it works, good luck
Mama Dora Posts: 14987
I don't know much as im not ttc yet but maybe he feels all the sex is just like "wham bam thank you mam".More like it has to be done than wants to be done. Men are unbelievable there's no pleasing them :lol: Maybe try to do it less on normal days and only increase it around the ovulation. HTH
deskinor Posts: 15
It took us 2 years and some intervention to conceive DD, so I know exactly what you mean. DH really began to feel he was under pressure to perform, but instead of choking him (like I wanted to), I used to joke about it, asking him did he realise how lucky he was, and how many men would love their wives to be up for it every night!!! I think he felt that I didnt really want him, just wanted to do it for the spermies!!! Its a tough one, but I think all you can do is take a few deep breaths, and take it at his pace (a bottle of wine helps!). Best of luck.
Anon10yr+ Posts: 1874
Like others have said, don't concentrate on just TTC days.Just leave out the details of days of ovulation to him and have fun ;-)
Mrs Rose Posts: 97
Hi Just wanted to reply as I was in the same boat with my Hubby. What has worked for me is reverse psychology. I have told him that I only need him three days a month and the rest of the time is just a waist of swimmers. Now when I know it would be a good time I just turn on the charm but play hard to get and tell him he will have to wait until next week or the end of the month. It has worked a charm for me and ttc has actually started to be fun. Good luck and I hope you won’t have to wait long
Ghostbuster Posts: 1268
[quote:2t7o7ii9]Hi Just wanted to reply as I was in the same boat with my Hubby. What has worked for me is reverse psychology. I have told him that I only need him three days a month and the rest of the time is just a [b:2t7o7ii9]waist of swimmers[/b:2t7o7ii9]. Now when I know it would be a good time I just turn on the charm but play hard to get and tell him he will have to wait until next week or the end of the month. It has worked a charm for me and ttc has actually started to be fun. Good luck and I hope you won’t have to wait long[/quote:2t7o7ii9] Just picture it!! :lol:
Cha Cha4ever Posts: 6
Hi MrsM04 I definitely recommend not telling your hubbie what days you are ovulating as it can make the whole process quite mechanical... What he doesnt know wont bother him... All the best Chaz
MrsM04 Posts: 46
Thanks guys for all your advice - I guess my problem is that I have no idea when I'm ovulating as my cycle can be anything from 28 - 35 days, I know there is ways of determining this but as we've only just started ttc I want to go 'au natural' for a while before I get into all the technical stuff.... We'll see how things pan out after a couple of months and then I guesss I'll buy one of those ovulating kits but not tell him about it!
shiny Posts: 35
Hi Mrs04, I am in the very same boat as you. I feel like trottling him most of the time. It's funny though having someone out their with the exact story as mine - irregular cycle the works. Hopefully we can take advice from the other women's mail and not mention to them ov dates or anything - play hard to get was good.