Ok, need some distraction ... have just over another hour left to pass before I hit the road to tell the folks ... so ENTERTAIN ME!! Make me laugh and make me forget about this ball of nerves in my stomach!!
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
in bed with another man.
"Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
If you have a green ball in one hand, and a green ball in the other hand - what have you got?...
...The full attention of the jolly green giant!